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Your partner says, “I’m going to practice abstinence from ohhh for 1 year.” What would you do?

Your partner says, “I’m going to practice abstinence from ohhh for 1 year.” What would you do?

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48 Comments

  1. Ask why.

    If she just got back from her OBGYN and needed to abstain for medical reasons, okay, we’ll get through this together, hopefully with some help from her.

    If it’s just some lark or Reddit dare, like Locktober or No Nut November gone horribly wrong, then she just changed the boundaries of the relationship without my consent. We may be done.

    If she also insists that I must also abstain and/or she’s not offering me any relief, then we’re done.

  2. Romantic Relationships carry certain obligations.

    If you are in a sexually monogamous relationship, stating “I plan to abstain from having sex for a year” without providing rational (medical condition, travel requirements, etc) is challenging to accept.

    Sex is enjoyable, but in a relationship, it can also an act of intimacy and bonding.

    If my partner told me this, without good rational, I might think she had some sort of desire to end the romantic relationship and exchange it for a platonic friendship.

  3. That’s a hard no from me.

    Even if they give me their blessing for outside release, the fact they don’t consider my input in their decision making process means we are already done.

  4. I feel so unappreciated by my partner. I know she doesnt mean to, but its whats happening. I love her and am so glad to have met her, but I cant help but think my life could have been better if Ive never met her. I know financially I would be pretty well off, but emotionally, Im not sure.

  5. I would start by asking why this is something she wants to do, so that you can understand the reasoning. It could be something out of her past that she is trying to work through. Her answer will help you to better assess your continued involvement.

  6. I would ask so many questions. The most important question for me is,”what are the benefits for you of a year of sexual abstinence?”
    With honest communication and dedication to being together, I don’t see this as a deal-breaker.

  7. I’d be really upset and honestly try to talk her out of that but if it was a heartfelt decision that she reached for a good reason I’d go along with it. I’d be open to a sex fast for like a month or two prior to us getting married.

  8. It’s hard to answer such a question without more context behind it. What’s the reason your partner wants to do this? How long have you two been together? Have the two of you had sex yet? If so, how often do you have sex? Are you married? Do you live together?

  9. Really depends on the reasons why. If there is absolutely no reason it’s a huge problem because being in a relationship means(for me) that you’re exclusive with your partner. Without sex a huge part of the relationship is lost.

    So really depending on the situation I would probably downgrade her to ‘let’s just be friends for a year then’ because I’m definitely not waiting for her to change her mind.

    ​

    Someone phrased it way better than I could:

    She just changed her personal boundaries and you can respect it or find someone who will give you what you want. It’s pretty simple

  10. If that didn’t also come with opening the relationship I’d find a new partner. Sex IS absolutely a love language and it’s important to me in a relationship. They’re basically saying to my face that they don’t care about me and that it doesn’t matter why I want at all.

  11. Barring some medical or other circumstances, the relationship is over at that point. The second you choose to not meet my needs in the relationship, it’s done with. Even medical circumstances, I’d need it to be a serious relationship before committing 1 year of time without a large part of my physical needs being met.

  12. This happened me years ago when an x wanted to stop jiggery pokery suddenly out of the blue, stating guilt and religious reasons . My first thought was she had the clap and was afraid I’d find out , my second thought said to her was , that’s fine , I respect your request , but you have no right to be the keeper and controller of my sexual needs . If I get an opportunity to have sex with someone else, I will take it . So i will respect your wishes if you respect mine ……….. I never had so much sex in a weekend in my life , she became insatiable lol.

  13. Ask a bunch of questions:

    1. What do you gain from this?
    2. You think this will improve our relationship?
    3. Will it make you happy?
    4. What made you do this?
    5. Are you not happy having sex with me?
    6. Do you want to be separated for a year?
    7. Is it me?
    8. Is it painful when we perform coitus 😏?
    9. Do you want me to go slower?
    10. How can we work this out?

    ….
    Lots more….

  14. If that’s what she truly desires then so be it. I love my wifey and would respect that kind of choice.

    Just like she should respect the fact that I won’t do that along with her so if she’s okay with me having a 1 year hall pass, cool.

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