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Wondering if any men here have consciously overcome a Madonna-whore complex. If so, how did that go and what made you realize that was something you needed to address with yourself?

Wondering if any men here have consciously overcome a Madonna-whore complex. If so, how did that go and what made you realize that was something you needed to address with yourself?

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12 Comments

  1. It took some doing, what with being raised catholic and having a lot of guilt and fucked up perceptions of sex. A lot of it was simply being open minded about sex in general, talking to different people about it, etc.

    One thing that also helped a lot was entirely an accident. I ended up getting a gig at a kink convention. And yeah, there were a lot of strange, awkward people there. But most of them were super normal moms, dads, doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. Loving relationships where one occasionally ties up the other and abuses them (consensually) for fun. And ultimately I realized that while sex is a loving connection between two souls, it’s also a fun dirty game you can play with your partner. My current girlfriend and I spend most days as a happy loving couple raising kids, having sweet, loving sex at night. But then every once in a while we sneak away and have a couple hours of whips, dildoes, and verbal abuse, which we can do and enjoy because we love each other.

  2. Its been a while but back in high school I feel like this idea was pressed on me. I was raised in a conservative church setting and was put into private Christian schools from pre-school through high school and constantly heard that abstinence was the only way to live without going to hell. With that idea, we were also taught that we should only look for marriage partners who were also abstinent or else they would never be able to love us fully. We were taught to ostracize sexually active people and to break friendships with those people.

    Jumping in here to say: This is bullshit.

    I can’t say when I threw that mindset out because my freedom from that oppressive religious mentality happened over years. I had already stopped believing in the “holiness” of abstinence by sixteen and have done my best to not judge anyone, especially romantic partners, by their sexual history.

    All that said, I haven’t been viewing others by those two opposing definitions for a long time. I’ve become way less judgemental in general and that’s been liberating. I’ve been able to be a better friend and partner.

    My wife had trouble dating in her twenties after losing her virginity (I hate that phrasing but can’t think of a better term at the moment) because she believed that she wasn’t worthy of anyone any more. It’s such a toxic teaching.

  3. Never heard of it before or had it but read the first line in Google.

    I assume you drop porn, alcohol and drugs. You can still masturbate but just to your imagination.

    Then start forming an emotional bond, increase romance, conversation, and find someone that makes you happy enough that you’re turned on by the above.

  4. I think it comes down to what you mean by overcoming it. I think it’s silly to assume a woman is either 100% slut or 100% wholesome, there is a range, and I think most men try to land a decent woman that is more on the right side of the spectrum than the left.

  5. Sorry, don’t buy it. Just because someone says it exists, doesn’t make it so. And if it exists in a rare or exceptional circumstance, it doesn’t make a societal problem or something to dump on men about.

  6. I mean…what I essentially look for in a woman is someone who is a total slut only with close boyfriends.

    I would marry and have a family with my current gf. She is sweet, honest, and to the outside world, totally modest. Doesn’t party, doesn’t drink alcohol, etc.

    But with me, behind closed doors, we get high, she looks me in the eyes and sucks her thumb and says “thank you daddy” when I hit her in the face while I fuck her, choke her out, put my fingers down her throat and choke her while fucking her. She also sucks dick on command, she loves it. She likes me telling her what to do for me. I tell her which sexual outfits to buy for me, what color to paint her nails, etc. She will have my dick in her throat all the way down and I shoot my load into her throat and she swallows, smiles, and says “thank you daddy”.

    On the surface, she is a medical professional making 6 figures that doesn’t wear makeup outside the house really, and I am an academic scientist. You would never guess how we are sexually from the surface.

    ….

    That being said, I would never date a woman who whores around with a bunch of dudes. Just not my thing.

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