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When is the best time to bring up a tough conversation that has been on ‘pause’

My bf and I had a really rough conversation a few weeks ago about potentially having to do long distance in a few years (me moving a 6 hour flight away from home) and he said he can’t see himself doing long distance again. Which seems like that means we’ll have to break up when the move happens. None of us wants to end things so have put that conversation on pause.

But it lingers in the back of my head 24/7, when we hang out it’s so much fun and everything is good but I know we eventually have to talk about this.

When/ how should I bring it up or should I wait for him to?

EDIT: I said a few years in the post but it’s still up the air, I could have to leave as early as next summer – just depends on what the company says 🙁

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8 Comments

  1. It depends on the dynamics of your relationship. If it were me, I would like to address things quickly and get the healing process started; with the understanding that the conversation may get worse before it gets better. Especially if calling it quits is I either her or my mind.

  2. The thing is I wouldn’t, in your shoes, put my job on hold for a significant other that I’m not either engaged or married to. And even then it would need to be a special circumstance kind of thing.

    The big thing though is if he doesn’t want to do LDR then you guys have just 3 options.

    Either you:
    Quit your job and stay, not a great option.
    Break up because of the LD
    Or 3 you can ask him to move with you.

    My vote is for the third option because honestly it makes the most sense depending on your relationship details. Like sure it’s a little weird to move 6 hours away with your gf if you’ve only been dating for like 3 months but if it’s serious and you’ve been together for a while then why the fuck not? I’d follow my S.O. to a new country if I needed to. I’d adapt and make it work, for her.

    I see you made an edit about it possibly holding off for a year in next summer. So I’d drop the “come with me” and let them take their time in deciding

  3. Your talking about something that may happen in a few years it’s ok to put this conversation off for a while as things will likely be different than they are now. Also why couldn’t he go with you instead

  4. I’m a much more reactive person (likes to resolve things as soon as it comes up) and he like to retreat (take time to think) and over the years I’ve learned to give him space. It’s been 2 weeks since this came up, so I’m thinking of bringing it up now because it’s been something that I think about every night.

    Tactically though, when do men prefer having longer conversations … at dinner? In bed? During a drive?

  5. The two of you need to have serious (not tough) conversation about both of your futures, marriage, children and the willingness of each other to modify your career goals for the betterment of the partnership.

    If changing your career goals for him is a non-starter then break up permanently.

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