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What’s your relationship with disrespect?

Do you dish it back? Do you let it slide because it’s just words? Did you grow up in a household where banter was normal so you see it as just the way it is?Is being internally effected by banter/passive aggressiveness overcomeable (decensisitation/esteem/higher understanding) Are you okay with “putting other people down” as a form of standing up for yourself?

I grew up in a middle eastern household taught to respect everyone so I’m adjusting to banter and standing up for myself in the face of disrespect in the real world.

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8 Comments

  1. I give respect to people inherently, in that I respect them as a human and treat them with basic decency and politeness. Higher respect (similar to reverence) and disrespect are both *earned.* If someone shows that they are not willing to tolerate other people or their boundaries (like racists or homophobes), then they’ve earned disrespect until they otherwise prove that they’re fixing their inherent issues. I have no issue standing up for myself – because if I don’t, and they won’t, then who will? I have an inherent obligation to myself to treat me with decency and kindness. If someone else is doing something awful to me or someone else that I have issues with, I need to voice that so that the negative behavior stops. After all, ending negative behavior (even against yourself) ends up reducing the overall negativity in the world.

    Banter is different though, and very confusing. If someone treats you with basic respect but “jokes” or “banters” with you, then that can be a sign of respecting you or trusting you. But there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed. I had a coworker I would joke around with who would make fun of my racial roots, and I would make fun of his roots. To an outsider, it would sound racist. But to us, we knew we weren’t actually hateful towards our ancestors and were kind of imitating what a racist person would say in a joking fashion. THIS WOULD NOT BE OKAY CONVERSATION WITH A STRANGER. But we knew each other, and trusted each other and our senses of humor enough, to make these jokes alone to one another. And, if one of us crossed a line, we knew it – and would immediately call each other out and/or apologize.

  2. It really depends on circumstance. What did they do or say to disrespect me, and did they say/do it for attention?

    I can respect someone who’s disrespecting me face to face because of their own principles. There’s still room there for mutual respect if someone is just being honest.

    Someone who’s disrespecting me in front of other people because it seems like they want to feel like some alpha dipshit, I’ll either ignore them or engage depending on my mood.

    You mention banter a couple times in your post and to me that’s not even the same ballpark as disrespect. Disrespect is banter gone wrong. Banter is just joking around, if I think they’re seriously disrespecting me I won’t play that game.

  3. To answer you question without looking at other comments, and taking into consideration that very few people will reach my comment….

    I’ll tell you about my relationship with disrespect as briefly as I can.

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    I try to give others the benefit of the doubt in general, until they give me a reason to behave/think otherwise. In regards to DISrespect in this manner, I’ll say this.. If I feel like someone disrespected me, I try to let it slide. Some people don’t realise the weight of their actions or behaviour right? Maybe they’re having a bad day, etc. This can only go on for so long. When I come to the conclusion that someone is being disrespectful, or as gen X calls it “toxic” for no reason other than to make themselves feel better, this is when I lose a general sense of respect towards someone. If we’re talking about repeated interactions, it takes a long time for me to forget. not forgive, but forget about the disrespect.

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    What I’m saying is. I try to be a great person towards others, in every way I can. But if I get constant disrespect, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to be kind and such to them. That doesn’t mean I’m going to be a dick, but if they’re unapproachable about their behaviour I definitely don’t go out of my way to be kind and I won’t be doing them any favors. I will dismiss most of what they say as absolute bullshit. This usually leads to me having a ‘tone’ or a lack of interest whilst talking to them, and people aren’t necessarily stupid when it comes to that, so they will either pick up on it and change their behaviour around me, or they’ll continue being disrespectful idiots for no reason which will result in a permanent negative relationship between us, and will sometimes result in their termination from my personal of professional life. The best part is when these people portray that poor part of themselves to others as well and it leads to what I think of as real-life true karma, they start getting fed what they dish out in large doses, and they either get fucked-off or fired.

    I do try my best to get along with everyone, but some people learn lessons the hard way. I choose what lessons to learn the hard way and I would never choose to disrespect someone to learn a lesson the hard way….that’s fucking stupid.

  4. A truck driver at work whistled at me at like 15 meters distance to get my attention and I fucking lost it. I yelled at him, threatened him and my boss had to intervene. You whistle at dogs not at people, I can let many thing slide but not this shit.

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