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What’s the grimmest thought you’ve ever had?

What’s the grimmest thought you’ve ever had?

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  1. I deal with suicidal thoughts every day. I actually had a revelation a while back; “wait, spending most of every day wishing to be hit by a bus *isn’t* normal?” But for me, that, and a lot of other ugly stuff, is *completely* normal. It’s almost background noise at this point.

    On the other hand, I’ve adopted some cats with special health needs, from kidney care to behavioral issues to simple elderliness, and I can’t imagine they’d go anywhere but our local county animal shelter after I’m gone. From my time volunteering there, I know that their stays would be lonely, painful, and brief. I could not and cannot allow them to go there. So, one particularly bad day a little over a year ago, while giving serious thought to ending my own life, I began to make specific, concrete plans about how I would kill my boys and girls.

    They and I are still here, but that was, and remains, a low point for me.

  2. When I get really angry at someone because I consider them ruining my life I have these day dreams of how I would kidnap them and torture them while screaming all the things they have done wrong. Only two people have made me this angry

  3. A few years ago my mom was experiencing the early signs of dementia they call “mild cognitive impairment.” There’s no good test for a diagnosis as that stage. Name three animals, draw a clock, what year is it, etc. She passed of course, but we suspect dementia.

    A few months later she sounded really upset and she confessed to me she was having trouble telling if she was dreaming or awake. So that completely fucked me up knowing this was it, life’s about to get much scarier. I spent a lot of time with her the next few days and one day I get up the nerve ask her about it, and she laughed and said that’s not dementia that’s the chantix she’s on. Her dreams are so vivid it’s like she’s still awake. But as soon as she wakes up she’s fine.

    Bro I cried I was so happy. But that thought was so grim for a few days.

  4. None of us asked to be born and a bunch of rules were dropped on us. When we get old enough to think for ourselves we realize there isnt a reason or meaning to life and nobody is really happy. We silently judge each other trying to find someone who is worse off than us. Everyone you care for will either leave you or die. You might die first leaving someone even less happy.

  5. The fact that life, but more importantly, human consciousness is fleeting really bothers me.

    I’m not talking about our lifespan, I mean life on planet Earth. It’s only been around for a short time and it won’t be around forever. Eventually Earth will become uninhabitable and then that’s it if we don’t find another home, which seems doubtful given the science. Humans in space can undergo permanent changes like brain damage, for example, so there’s not a lot of hope. Another habitable planet would probably just be too far away to ever reach.

    Human consciousness is brilliant and it won’t last forever. We could go extinct at any time, whether from climate change, disease, war or an impact event.

    It’s just crazy to think how far we’ve gotten as a species from the days our ancestors were swinging around in trees, and at some point it will all be gone. Earth won’t have any visible signs of life like Mars.

    There will be no one to tell our story. We’re just here and then poof, we’ll be gone.

  6. When I was a kid, my mom used to invest in these boxes that had demon pictures on them (cartoonish tribal stuff) in the kitchen.
    She didn’t know everytime I went to get water they scared a bit out of me. I had dreams I would get water and the demons would walk out of the boxes like grudge.

  7. That we may never become a type 2 and definitely not a type 3 civilization because we may not ever stop our petty squabbling. Eventually leading to our own extinction due to our own infighting and willful ignorance.

  8. The world is grossly overpopulated and the best thing for humanity would be a significant thinning of the heard. Makes me feel like a villain when I think about it, but that’s just the fact of the matter from my viewpoint.

  9. I was just thinking the other day how the world might be completely fucked within my lifetime, and nobody’s doing anything about it. The most disturbing part was how much I wasn’t bothered by it.

  10. This is a constant dread for me that pops up a few times a week. If you don’t wish for more fear I’d recommend stopping here.

    I mean it.

    I have a wonderful wife, she’s 28 and I’m 30.

    I’ve realized that one of us is going to die first.

    It destroys me because there’s not a good answer to the question.. “Who do I hope dies first?”

    My initial answer was that I hope I go first, because even now I can feel the phantom pain of her absence, and it’s already crippling.

    Instinctually I want to save my heart, but no. She would be alone, and I’m sinking into a panic attack just thinking about it now.

    Then I realized if she goes first, I’ll be there for her until the end. I can comfort, fight for, and protect her. That it would be the last amazing thing I do for her, and fucking hopefully I can see her smile.

    I know I’ll always hope it’s the second for her sake. I’m so scared though.

  11. That one day I’ll hook up my plow for the last time, one day I’ll turn the soil and plant the seed for the last time, one day I’ll pick my last harvest. Without anyone to pass it onto the fields will go fallow and the equipment will rust up, the tractor will grunt for the last time and with very few years passed nobody will know I existed as the forest reclaims it all. All I can hope for is a clean end, to go out with my boots on rather than shriveling up in a hospital somewhere full of tubes.

  12. Tough call between “I hope if I die that my wife is able to take care of herself with the money” and “When my mom dies, will I feel bad about not feeling bad enough?”

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