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What’s the consensus on being the only guy in a friend group of majority girls?

I’m a freshman in college who has just happened to find himself apart of a large group of girls. I’m trying to find other guy friends but most of the dudes I’ve met have either been pretty immature or socially awkward. So I’ve just been hanging out with these girls for my first few days of college.

I ask because I’m fairly confident that those who look at me 9/10 assume I’m gay but I’m not.

Or that I’m some kind of “””beta male””” but I’m not.

I won’t be offended by any answers. Just give me the honest truth regarding my situation, because frankly, as much as I consider myself a confident person, who doesn’t care how he’s perceived, I’m starting to get a little self-conscious and feel slightly insecure.

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50 Comments

  1. So I’ve been reading through the comments, most are relatively accurate, but it doesn’t seem like your question is really being answered clearly.

    First off, college is a wild and interesting time for personal growth and development. What I hope you seriously take in terms of advice is this:

    You will be a completely different person than you are now by the time you are in your third or final year of college. These are years for you to experiment, grow, and develop your interests, both personally and socially.

    What that means is you should not worry so much about what any other people are thinking about and do things you are interested in.

    Join clubs, play sports (or even just join in on pick up games, Frisbee throwing, whatever), go to the hangout spots on campus and meet people, etc. There are always formal and informal things going on all over campus, see what you like, and hopefully you’ll meet some interesting and cool people in the process.

    You will also realize later on that they don’t really matter all that much if they aren’t directly a part of your life. When I was a freshman in college, I tried so hard to be accepted socially, I tried to be the nicest guy to anyone and everyone I’ve ever met. What I learned from that is people will either recognize your efforts and think well of you, or they will continue to judge/think of you however they did before, good or bad (its almost always the latter). Does it actually affect your relationships or the friendships you make throughout college? Not at all.

    So I then just decided to be myself and do what I wanted to do, and it was the absolute best decision I have ever made, both personally and socially.

    Being friends with women is a wonderful thing, I personally get along much more readily with women than I do men, but there is social value of the dynamics between the genders that we all benefit from. Guys being immature is pretty common in college-age men, if that doesn’t vibe with you, then that is who you are. Don’t force yourself to be something you are not, keep looking for other guys who have similar interests or vibes as you. Also keep in mind that everyone else is experimenting and growing as well alongside you, so people will change over time as you get to know them, and different people will come and go as you all develop into who you are.

    So here is what you can do:

    1. It’s cliche as hell, but be yourself. That means do things you enjoy, take up new experiences you are interested in, talk to people and try to find connections with others that fit with your style and that you want to spend your time with, **and most importantly; when you aren’t comfortable with someone, something, or a situation/environment you are in, either speak up and try to fix it, or remove yourself from the situation.** Trust me when I say that staying true to who you are and focusing on yourself comes across clear as day to everyone else around you, almost always in a positive way.
    2. When it comes to your current environment, there is something to be said about “passiveness” vs. “assertiveness”. And while its another cliche, its actually not alone: Be confident, but also be respectful. Being assertive is to be confident in your identity, your thoughts, beliefs, and values as a person and as a man. That assertiveness, combined with the humility to change your opinion and learn from others, is the defining characteristic of changing from a boy into a man. So be open to learning new things, having your opinion challenged and even potentially changed, but also be assertive in your values and the things you are interested in/believe in.

    These two rules come hand-in-hand. The first allows you to develop skills, and improve yourself as you enter adulthood. That development of skills, interests, and relationships is vital for your confidence, it lets you be assertive in your thoughts, skills, and ideals because you have spent the time and effort to develop them. This is the essential lesson that I have learned from my experience throughout college, and it has improved my personal confidence and perspective on life immensely.

    Good luck man, do the things YOU want to do, learn and develop skills you are interested in and work hard on yourself as well as your grades, the social dynamics and people around you will naturally come along and go, and without a doubt you will meet people, both men and women, who will clique with your style and hopefully make excellent friends.

  2. A lot of those girls will get boyfriends soon. Boom new guy friends for you. Maybe one of these girls becomes a gf for you one day but even if not they’ll be a good resource for tips like how to style your hair, clothes to wear etc to attract other girls. Or advice like good date spots etc

  3. Oof. I was in your boat 3 years ago, so I feel this so hard. Yeah, some people probably think you’re gay, but unless those people happen to be women you’re interested in and could theoretically have a shot with, that’s not for all intents and purposes a problem. So just accept yourself for who you are.

    I will say though, if supposedly every dude you meet is immature/awkward, then you might just be kind of conceited. Don’t let confirmation bias keep you from fairly appraising the dudes you meet (and ultimately making some male friendships).

    Lord knows my social life improved loads when I finally fully jettisoned the idea that every athletic dude who enjoys the occasional kegger is an immature knucklehead.

  4. I think it’s more the fact that you can’t make friends with guys that’s a bit more alarming than anything else. At your age, guys will act like “bros” and that’s something you’re just gonna have to turn on/off when you’re socializing with most of them.

  5. The dudes around you want to be your best pal (not because they like you; they just want access to the women), and you wind up having to fight off creeps as much as the women do.

    Being the man in a group of women is how I first became personally aware of some of the bullshit that women have to deal with. It knew it happened. I just had never actually seen it happen.

    One time, I had four women at my apartment. Three of them were my friends, and the other was my new girlfriend who they were coming over to meet. I was grilling taco meat outback. My neighbor — a man — and I at the time occasionally spoke or whatever, but all we were was neighbors. On this day, he suddenly comes up to the fence all excited acting suspiciously buddy-buddy, saying that he’s grilling too and we can exchange food and have a drink and chill and shit.

    Now, at first, I might have invited him, but when I went inside to mention it to the ladies, my three friends said no because he had catcalled them while they were walking passed his apartment to get to mine.

    There were other types of instances where we’d be eating in public and men would eyeball them. If they noticed, they’d do something like two of them grab each of my hands and scoot closer. It discouraged the creepers and simultaneously made me look like a stud, so that’s cool, I guess.

  6. Dude most guys in college DREAM of a scenario you’ve found yourself in. Close friends with a group of attractive girls all spending time together at college. Women are more mature, more interesting and will teach you more about yourself than being around a bunch of buffoon college guys dicking around. Not sure how important getting laid is to you, but you’ve got a much better chance of doing that being apart of a group of college girls than you are hanging out with frat dudes. Or in a relationship if you want that with any of them. Sounds like a great situation to be in, don’t worry. Have a great first year.

  7. Don’t try to find other guys, go find the clubs/extracurriculars you’re interested in and you’ll end up finding some you can probably get along with.

    I’d probably think you were gay. It’s just not that common for straight guy to be the sole male friend of a group of girls.

  8. I was, a freshmen like you, and I was the ‘beast of labor’ of the group.

    Maybe it’s just how I present myself.

    I fell in love with a girl– turned out she was gay.

    I became ‘the guy’ to which their boyfriends hung out with when the girls are talking about girly thing.

    I was the answerer of ‘why are guys such an idiot?’ and the dude that put his sweater over the girl too drunk to cover herself. (If you plan to drink, wear something with STRONG neckline, gf).

    Then I fell in love with a dude.

    Um.

    Okay I was the bi friend. Still not a gay friend though.

  9. This is great for your personal growth. Many men completely fail to learn how to build non-romantic friendships with women. Ignore the “beta male” idiots. Some people grow out of high school more slowly than others.

  10. That was most of my life and I never got any shit for it or worried about it. The people I clicked with just happened to be more girls than guys. That pattern has continued in adulthood.

  11. Just be sociable. You will eventually meet people you will want to be friends with. I also had majority female friends growing up and I was never mistaken for gay or feminine. Also, I was ok with dating in my group of friends so it was pretty obvious that I like women. I am not sure what the issue is, i prefer to be surrounded by woman instead of men. I even go to hair salons because I prefer to have women touching my hair.

  12. All you have to do is answer this one question:

    Are you happy with the situation: (Y/N)

    If not, then change it.

    Is yes, then don’t worry about it. Who cares what other people think.

  13. As long as their friends its fine. But if one or two of them end up with a crush on you and you go for one of them it may fuck up the friendship group as a whole. From the sounds of it you aint in a bad spot at all.

    Its a lot easier to make friends with guys instead of girls cause for some reason they all they we want to get in their pants when thats further from the truth at times.

    You should be fine just try to hang out with people on the same course with you when you can

  14. You’re just starting out. There’s a chance that in a year or even by next semester you won’t even be hanging out with that same group. When college starts everyone’s looking for friends so you naturally gravitate towards people who maybe live near you or in the same dorm because it’s convenient to do stuff like eat and study together. Out of my first crew of 6 or 7 people I initially hung out with at the beginning of freshman year I only hung out with one or two of them consistently by the time I graduated. Half of them I barely even saw around campus after freshman year, let alone talked to them. Not saying that will happen to you or that you wont be friends with most of those girls in the long term, but it’s possible.

    Once you branch out and pursue your interests and start to see the same familiar faces in the classes you take for your major, more likely than not those will end up being your friends in the long term. The majority of my closest friends were people l played pickup basketball with, and l didn’t start hanging out with them consistently until second semester of freshman year. That first semester is great because everyone is new and open to talking to new people. So over time you’ll naturally meet guys that you mesh with and your girl to guy friend ratio will correct itself. The key though is to be open and willing to break away from your initial group and hang out with new people instead of hanging out with the same people for the sake of convenience. That openness of others to meeting new people wears off as you get deeper in freshman year and people start joining clubs/frats/etc and finding their cliques. Since you don’t seem to have any problem being open to meeting new people, l wouldn’t worry about it.

    TL;DR: Friend group at the beginning of college often isn’t long-term friend group. You’ll meet new people naturally in clubs, classes, hobbies, etc. Be willing to branch out from initial friend group and you’ll be fine

  15. I have been in exactly same situation. In 5 years of uni I couldn’t find a decent guy friend. Just own it. You can have great friendships in a friend group of girls. I know it’s easier said than done, but confidence is key in this case.

  16. Who cares.

    If you are interested in hooking up having a group of female friends can be a great asset as you have the stamp of approval as a safe bet.

    Also you have a rare insight into female psychology as they will be honest amongts one another,

    For many of us, myself included, women are a bizarre entity, so take advantage of your current situation to gain an insight into their behaviour.

  17. Depends on what that friend group of girls is like.

    If they’re cool, and he’s getting increased access to sex as a result, good on him.

    If people have the opportunity to assume that you’re gay, you’re being too passive with someone or another.

  18. You learn different things from guys and girls. It’s nice to have a diverse set of friends. Though yeah girls tend to be more mature, earlier, and it’s just nice when the people you spend time with are pleasant to look at.

    If you’re not fully happy with the current situation, my advice is to train in a martial art, preferably something like boxing or kickboxing. This will help you feel secure against suspicions of gayness and beta-male-ness, while also giving you a chance to make some male acquaintances or friends. And it’s fun!

  19. I think you should stop caring about what other people might think about the gender composition of your friend group. If they truly are your friends then you should be their friend without worrying about what assumptions people might have about you. If they think you’re gay then it doesn’t matter because you’re not. If they think you’re a “beta male” then they’re a fool for buying into the idea of and alpha/beta dichotomy.

  20. I’ve been asked to hang out with girls at work because they think I’m such a good guy, but I think at least a couple like me and are afraid to ask me out because I’m happily married with children.

  21. Bro, who gives a fuck? If there’s anything I regret about high school, it’s all the shit I didn’t do because I was dumb enough to give a fuck about what other people think. Those people aren’t going to be a part of your life forever, but you’re gonna spend your entire life with yourself. Go be happy, if other people want to try to make you feel bad for it, tell them to go fuck themselves.

  22. I think that’s you assuming people see you that way. In highschool and college I mostly hung out with girls and years later girls and guys I went to class with told me they thought I was a manwhore or a player (I fucking wish lol).

    Now I’m not saying that that’s how they’ll see you, maybe they do assume your gay or a beta male. But who gives a fuck? You do you and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it.

  23. my first thought would be that you find it hard to relate to other guys. i’m the complete opposite of you. i was almost always hanging out with a group of guys and even if i sometimes had 1-2 close girl friends, it wasn’t the same as when i was with my guy friends.

  24. I was/am in a similar situation, you’re gonna learn a lot tbh. Some people will assume you’re gay (this kinda depends how you present yourself, but it’s bound to happen nothing you can really do about it) some might develop a crush on you tho I don’t recommend having sex with any of them or dating them cause it’ll cause drama trust me

  25. It’s a poor decision to make dating wise because of pre-selective behaviors in women and their way of objectifying men into status objects.

    If you’re surrounded by girls and none of them have fucked you, another girl is overwhelmingly likely not to either because she doesn’t want to see herself as lower than them on the totem pole. Conversely if one of them has fucked you, then girls who are insecure about their position will want to fuck you to prove they are equal to that girl.

    If you don’t care about that then go ahead if you enjoy their company.

  26. Funny, I have exactly the same thing, only difference is I’m in high school. I kinda have guy friends but those aren’t ‘real’. Sometimes I feel weird when I’m with them in public, as the only guy. I try not to worry about it, but it’s hard.

  27. As long as you treat them well and they do the same to you, then it shouldn’t matter that a majority of your friends are women.

    Hell, I find it easier to get along with women than with other men.

    Now… if you’re interested in more than friendship with any of them, I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.

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