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What was your experience dating someone super insecure and how did it end?

What was your experience dating someone super insecure and how did it end?

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  1. We wouldn’t get in many arguments, because she would acknowledge her insecurities, but it would constantly get her to be in really negative and/or sour moods, over the slightest things.

    * Me being polite to an attractive waitress? Mood ruined.
    * Me romancing a character in a videogame? Mood ruined.
    * Me *gently* giving her some constructive feedback on something she’s done that I didn’t like? Mood ruined.
    * I’m not in the mood for sex? It’s obviously because she’s unattractive, so mood ruined.

    I could go on.

    Not to mention that *every* compliment was met with reluctance, or often just “no, I’m not”.

    It was exhausting in so many ways.

    On top of all that, I seemed to be the only positive thing in her life and had to be her emotional pillar 24/7, which just drained me dry.

    I just saw a post here the other day about this woman who used her boyfriend as her emotional tampon everyday, but when he started to complain about *his* problems to her, she started feeling resentful towards him. That’s *exactly* what my relationship with her was like. Big yikes.


    >how did it end?

    I broke it off. I couldn’t take it anymore.

    I’m all for supporting a partner going through a rough time, but that was a constant. Pretty much all day, everyday. Plus, she wasn’t taking any of the necessary steps to get better – she’d just sit there and bitch about it.

  2. She needed constant reassurance that I liked her. In the beggining constantly complained that I’d probably find someone better and leave her. Asked me if I still loved her every single day. I could make a joke one day and it would be totally ok and the same joke the next day would be met with tears and accusations. She used to say “I wish I was more girly and liked girly clothes” even after I told her I loved the way she dressed, which I really did. Basically just constant need of reassurance. I tried the best I could but it’s not something someone else can *fix*, it has to come from the person

    It ended when her friend became infatuated with her and blatantly disrespected our relationship time and time again even after she told him she was happy with me. She confused that “persistance” with love and, probably due to the aforementioned need of constant reassurance, she left me for him. One might think I just sound bitter but she’s done this several times before, it’s a pattern, I was just dumb and blind.

  3. It is very hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. You can only support them and compliment them for so long before it becomes toxic and feels like a chore. If they don’t change, the relationship WILL fail. Speaking from experience.

  4. I’m fucking insecure but I feel the honest love of my partner and as such I can manage not to make her crazy with my obsessive thoughts. would rather be alone than with someone I couldn’t trust, it’d bring out the worst in me.

  5. Killing me with the need for constant reassurance, she ended up cheating with multiple guys because I was too busy working a normal engineering job and she didn’t work at all, and apparently ~9 hours a day away making money for us to afford our apartment is too much to be away before she needed someone else.

    I did my best to make her feel secure, and I never messed around. F you Chloe.

  6. Married one…super competitive and only gets their fix by trying to stay ahead of “everyone” or get “what they have” …lasted 9 years and now separated…..never happy with themselves and make the lives of everyone miserable like a constantly dropping roof over your home.

  7. We were in high school, she had a lot of issues (broken home, sexually assaulted, etc) things not her fault, but they resulted in serious emotional roadblocks and insecurities. We dated for a month, it was pretty rocky, she was incredibly clingy and at that age especially, I just couldn’t handle it, but I tried to. Then the straw that broke the camel’s back, her stepdad exploded at me for kissing his daughter (not in front of him, because I never did, just in general), and after that I couldn’t take anymore and broke up with her. She tried to jump off a bridge and kill herself after that. Weirdly enough, 3 or 4 years later we reconnected and became very close friends for a long time, basically best friends, until she began dating someone who told her she wasn’t allowed to have guy friends and she cut off contact without a word, I only found out later through mutual friends it was because of her boyfriend. They ended up getting married, having a kid, and he was abusive, eventually resulting in a divorce. She tried to reconnect again after that, but I just wasn’t interested anymore. We chatted a little, she explained what happened and apologized for all those years of ignoring me, but too much time had passed and we were just different people, so nothing ever came of it.

  8. It was beyond irritating. She needed constant reassurance that I wanted her, physically and emotionally. She needed my attention at all times. In spite of the fact that she constantly claimed to want threesomes with women, if I so much as looked at another woman, I’d be a bad guy for ‘wanting’ them over her.

    It was all a constant head game to have me prove that I was invested in her, to the point that she would try to instigate fights between me and other guys. She would also shit-talk every woman she knew, and half the guys as well. And, when she didn’t get the emotional-vampiric fix of my acknowledgments, she would find them from some other dude as fast as humanly possible. She’d have her panties off so fast I’m shocked it didn’t start a brushfire. And that’s where it ended, lol.

  9. Like many others here have said, it’s just giving constant reassurance to someone who will never be satisfied. Tip-toeing through conversations so as to not to set off your partner into a bad mood is, like the others have said, exhausting and unsustainable. The kicker is she could always tell when I was trying not to upset her when we got to touchy situations, and of course that would upset her. It’s a no-win situation and she just simply couldn’t recognize that being happy was a choice. You choose to trust your partner and she just couldn’t seem to do that. How do you talk to someone about that when all they want to do is fight about how I’m not actually interested in them? There was constant gaslighting on that front; bringing up any issue was evidence in itself that I wasn’t actually interested in the relationship. Eventually I had to break it off.

    Thank you for this question, it was a little bit of therapy for me to write that out.

  10. The two of us both had some deep issues with insecurity, so many of our casual conversations would just devolve into a back-and-forth of us complimenting each other while refusing to accept anything nice the other person said.

    Neither of us were particularly romantic either, so we didn’t really break up as much as we gradually just… stopped hanging out and being together. We’re still pretty good friends though.

  11. In a separation that has all the hallmarks of a prelude to divorce. One element I don’t see mentioned here is the effect it had on our sex life, which created a gulf between us. On more than one occasion my wife tried to initiate sex purely because she felt insecure, which made me feel like a piece of meat and distinctly un-sexy. Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I want to fuck all the time for any reason and I resented feeling used.

  12. After two months of dating I came back from a trip and she broke down. Told me she couldn’t handle it anymore and wanted to fix her own issues. She was determined and I let her go.

    Too bad she was so insecure about herself. She was a damn good kisser!

  13. Whoever I talked to/ did she had to know about it. Had to constantly reassure her when it came to other people. Unfortunately for me it wasn’t the same for her. Over the course of the relationship I felt like I knew her less and less. In turn I ended up becoming the insecure one. She broke up with me and the rest is history.

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