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What kind of man do you want to be?

What kind of man do you want to be?

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  1. I want to be the dude who can change a diaper, repair most things around the house, fly a plane, possess basic survival skills, is well travelled, and enjoys going to musicals/opera

  2. A man who loves kids.

    …wait that came out wrong…

    I want to be the mentor that I never had growing up to the kids that I work with. I want to be a man that subverts the idea of toxic masculinity so that the boys can see a man who is confident and comfortable without the need to be an asshole. And so that the girls can see that it is possible for someone to care about them, just as they are, without expecting anything from them.

  3. The first thing that came to my mind was: not the one society wants me to be.

    Not strong, not durable and bold and decisive, all the things traditionally associated with being a man.

    I just want to be a human. Kind, open and welcoming for what the world has to offer, creative and very goofy. We’re so bent on social expectations nowadays that i often feel like we rarely ever think about what kind of person we would want to be if there wasn’t any social pressure on us.

    So yeah.

  4. This might be idealistic but I just want to be a free man; from familial, societal and cultural expectations, free from materialism, the rat race etc. Also I want to be the cool male figure in a kid’s life.

  5. I want to be the kind of man who is content with the person I am when when I wake up and when I go to sleep.

    I’d also like to be a man who positively inspires others to become better people.

  6. I want to be the kind of man who finds the largest burden that he can possibly bear in life and then bears it, so that others have to bear less suffering and hardship. I’m not that man (yet?), But I want to be and I’m working on it.

  7. A reliable constant in the lives of people I care about. The guy you can cry on during a funeral, the Dad my daughter can speak to about anything, the husband that my wife can feel accepted for who she is around me, the friend you can call in middle of the night. The guy who doesn’t breakdown in the middle of chaos or uncertainty. That’s all that really matters to me.

  8. I’m doing my best to simply be a good man.

    Sometimes, we get wrapped up in what that means. Do we have to do x, be y, work towards z. But I just want to be certain that I bring good where I can. See something wrong and fix it. Treat others the way I’d wish I could be treated. See both the world that is and the world I want, and do what I can to rectify the difference. Just to live in peace with enough to be satisfied.

    Probably a little too broad for the question, but… I dunno. I like to look at what Marcus auralius stated; Waste no time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.

  9. I’m late so idk how many fellow bros will see it but here it goes:

    A honourable one. A just one. A man that his father can be proud of. A man that his mother can always depend on. A loyal one! Someone who will always be there for their siblings whether they are blood or not. A man that his girlfriend/wife will adore with her whole heart because she knows that I’ll give her the world, or I’ll die tryin. A man that his kids will always look up to and will never hesitate to ask for my guidance. A man that I can look in the eyes when I’m lookin in the mirror and think “yea you’re hot shit, but stay humble and keep grinding.” And last but certainly not least, actually it’s the most important one! I want to be a man with balls!!! I want to always look at fear right in the fuckin eyes and say “bring it bitch, do your best.” I’m tired of always feeling like a pussy, afraid of failure, rejection, consequences, etc.

    So in summary; I want to be the man that we all want to be. A loyal, honourable, courageous, and respected gangsta that takes shit from no one and will do anything for his loved ones! That’s the man I strive to be!!!

  10. A civilized monster. A man who is scary and dangerous but is also polite and respectful. Treat every person I meet exactly the same whether they’re the CEO of Microsoft or a homeless drug addict

  11. So this question has been answered ad nauseam, but I think I may have something to offer.

    Let’s look at toxic masculinity. What traits does it honor? Strength, stoicism, and dominance. Basically it’s based off of the protector role. Now why do you want that? Easy answer is because I want to protect everyone that I love. Being a man means people don’t worry about you, so they can do their best. It means being a shelter in the world of a storm.

    With toxic masculinity, these strengths are unbalanced. Without weakness, you cant be strong. You have to know who you are and where you lack to be better. Toxic masculinity ignores weakness as you can’t show it at any time. You never improve because you never introspect.

    Stoicism is commonly seen as the lack of emotion. This isn’t just a wrong take, but it also doesn’t allow room for expression. You have to be able to be stoic yet full of emotion as a human being. Stoicism is really learning how to identify your emotions and choose how to act on them. If I’m sad, why am I sad? What can I do? Is this depression or is it caused by something how can I change it? Should i cry or rage? The common take of stoicism is bottling everything up to the point where it just explodes and you can’t control whatever emotion you feel, so that becomes rage. A healthy take on stoicism is to express your emotions in a healthy, productive way.

    Dominance is really the peak of toxic masculinity. You have to be head of the pack or you fail. It’s a lose lose game. What’s the point if you’re on top, but no one is around you. It also leads to controlling and narcissistic behavior. So how can this be healthy? Why is it even there in the first place? I think it’s there because if you don’t have power, you have no ability or insurance to keep your loved ones safe. You are at will to the world. Now how can this be healthy? What of we looked at this in a similar way to strength? Dominance is really just about strength and the ability to act quickly and decisively to win against the opponent. People can confuse the opposition though. The opposition is not your team, not your circle it’s the world. How can you dominate over the world so that your loved ones can live the life the want to live?

    Basically the traits of toxic masculinity can actually be really helpful, but the common approach always lacks introspection and self regulation. It becomes toxic when you place your locus of control externally instead of internally. It becomes toxic when these traits are applied in only one possible way.

    For an example, let’s take two different archetypes of men- the machismo man’s man and the soft boy. And put them in two similar life circumstances. Their dad just died and they lost their job. The machismo is self reliant, tough, socially dominate, with a tendency to posture bravado. The soft boy is more emotional, less likely to put on a brave face, and lower on the social hierarchy. The both have shitty situations, but the machismo feels he has to put on a brave face so he suppresses his grief and begins the job hunt. He starts his new job and the stress from it leads to him being irritable 24/7 at home. He never dealt with the grief that comes with losing his father nor the grief of loosing his job. If he can’t provide, what is his use? Because he has to be tough, he never allows himself to be vulnerable and grieve. What about the soft boy? He talks is already used to opening up. He doesn’t see vulnerability as a weakness. Eventually he gets a job, but he may have had to move back in with his mom. Ten years down the line, the machismo is still struggling to work through his grief and the soft boy has come to terms with it and came out stronger than he was before.

    Notice I’m not talking about external characteristics. I’m talking about internal emotional regulation.

    To sum up, I want to be a man who is strong enough to be weak. I want to be a man who is stoic so that he knows what he’s feeling and why then can act on it in a way that adds to the world. I want to be able to create a world for my loved ones that they want to live in. Above all, I want to be a shelter in a storm. A sheepdog in the field. I want to be strong enough where people know I can protect them.

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