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What is the best advice you ever got from a father figure, or what do you think is the best advice you can give if you are a father figure?

What is the best advice you ever got from a father figure, or what do you think is the best advice you can give if you are a father figure?

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  1. Dad of 2 here who’s fucked up enough.

    Life is goes fast…it really does.

    Ask out your that girl/guy you like.
    Travel.
    Make friends, but invest in really good ones. Take the time to see them and don’t expect tomorrow will always be an option.

    Find a career you really enjoy. You’ll spend a lot of time loving, or hating, a good chunk of your life. It will impact your happiness.

    Don’t be afraid to fail. Just learn from it. Life will go on, and you’ll be stronger learning from failure. Take the time to mourn, have your pity party and take action.

    Enjoy your Netflix binge and that pint of Cherry Garcia, and start moving forward again. Little progress each day is better than doing nothing.

    Save/invest as much as you can, and pay down debt.

    Take very good care of your teeth. You’d be surprised how much it affects your health, not to mention it’s expensive, it hurts, and it will affect your self esteem.
    Don’t quit.

    Follow through with words and actions.

    Be nice. Everyone has a bad day. Give most people the benefit that they might be going through some rough stuff, and that’s why they flipped you off in traffic.

    Everyone has baggage they’re dealing with. Try not to judge, but know that we all need acceptance. We’re all fucked up in some way.

    Don’t get offended by everything.

    Life isn’t fair, learn and move forward.

    Words hurt. Be careful what you say.

    Be the best you. The right person and people will find you if you love who you are.

    Don’t assume. Especially what others are thinking. Most really don’t care what you’re wearing or what you’re doing. They’re working on their own stuff and have their own concerns to worry about.

    You’re never too old to learn, grow, try or change.

    Stand up for yourself, and don’t be afraid to leave people who don’t treat you as you want to be treated. We all want to be liked and loved, and the prospect of not being in the right friend group, especially when you’ve invested years with that group is pretty scary. Your “right” group is out there. Hell, it might only be one really good friend, but you’ll find them.

    Compliment people. Especially strangers. “Love your shoes, where did you get them?” People remember compliments from complete strangers forever. You probably will make their week, and give them the boost they need. Plus, the resulting smile from them will make you feel good too. You probably both need more positivity in your lives anyways.

    Try to find humor in life. Especially at yourself. Having the ability to laugh at yourself shows maturity.

    You’re not perfect, and neither are they. Self awareness is a beautiful thing. Don’t be afraid to change your mind as you get older. We all get immersed in our own b.s., but adapt as new info becomes available.

    #1. Regret sucks. It’s way worse than failure or never trying.

    Edit: let me add a couple others.

    I should have edited it better the first time, but I was on mobile, and felt the words were more important than the format at the moment.

    Be you: Like what you like. You don’t have the same interests as your friends or family. If they all play sports, but you prefer art. Art yourself like a crazy person.

    Learn to cook. I love to and REGRET not going to (was accepted to the best one, it certainly one of the top ones) but I was an idiot for not going.

    If you like to eat at all, you’ll not only learn to eat better, expand your culinary horizons 100 fold, but you will impress the fuck out of your non cooking friends, and it’s a great ice breaker, and way to impress those you’re interested in. It’s much less complicated than it seems once you knock down the fundamentals.

  2. My dad told me “never let a man hold you back”

    But I think the context is the same with “never let a woman hold you back”

    What he meant was to never give up your core values, dreams, or goals for a lover. And if you think about people in your life, young and old you can see this. Giving up their dream to satisfy a partner. How happy are they now? How much regret do they have now? What about the ones who gave up everything and still ended up alone and have now completely missed their opportunity? This is the warning he had for me and I think it’s a good one that’s not gender specific.

  3. My dad mainly gives practical advice like here’s how you change a tire. The main one he says is grow some thicker skin which kinda helped but not really. Then a friend told me to have semipermeable skin. I looked at them like they were crazy but here’s what they said.

    “People think they want a rain coat that keeps everything out so no rain can get through. Problem is that nothing can get out so when you’re sweating and overheating it becomes unbearable. So some decided not to wear a rain coat and just let it hit them and they pretend to not be bothered by it. When they get hot it’s easy to cool down but it can be freezing without anything. But there are these rain coats designed to keep rain out but let sweat also get out. They aren’t perfect sometimes water can get through but you’re still warm, sometimes you can still get hot but it’s easy to cool off. “

    Tldr don’t put up impenetrable walls or have no walls just know who to let in and what to let out.

    Ps. Yeah my friend is weird.

  4. Career wise.

    Do not work crazy hours so you can get to a position because you think it will make you happy. You will just double your workload and still be miserable. Focus on improving your skills so you can make great money and have good work life balance.

  5. There are a few contenders:

    1) Different strokes for different folks – No one should decide what’s right for everyone, because each person is an individual with their own needs and desires, and it’s impossible to say what’s right for them.

    2) Sometimes you gotta suck it up – Life can be horribly unfair, and there’s not much you can do about it. No one knows what the future holds, and there are no real guarantees. So all you can do is deal with what comes your way.

    3) Time gets faster as you get older – When you’re young, a minute seems to last forever. But with each passing decade, it feels like entire years slip by unseen. Make the most of the time you have, because it will run out sooner than you think.

    4) Don’t fight, but if you do, win – Do everything you can to keep the peace, to see the other guy’s point of view, and be understanding and forgiving. But when conflict is unavoidable, you must be willing to go for the throat and end the conflict as quickly as possible with all of the force necessary to do so.

  6. “This too shall pass” – said an older work colleague of mine – a few days before he passed away in his last days due to cancer. I had called him on the phone – too afraid to meet him in person.

  7. My Dad:

    Educate yourself as much as you can. You can lose your money, freedom, family and pretty much anything else worldly within a matter of seconds, but you won’t lose the knowledge already in your head and no one can make you either.

    Of course, he didn’t consider Alzheimer’s and neurological disorders in old age, but putting such diseases aside, it’s what’s stuck with me for well, ever and I follow.

  8. I grew up with a pretty entitled outlook, wanting to be an artist but not having the discipline or work ethic to follow through. So I took a lot of jobs on the outskirts, admin for theater companies, retail at book stores. One day, I was complaining to my dad that I was merely doing menial adminstrative work. He gently chastised me and encouraged me to have dignity in all the work I am charged with doing, whether high or low. That really taught me a lot about a job well done, urging me to tighten up when I want to besmirch the value of the work.

  9. My dad, who was one of the absolute baddest mother fuckers to walk this earth died from cancer when I was 14. He gave me a lot of words of wisdom before passing tho. One of my favorites
    “Don’t be the man known for starting fights. Be the man known for ending them. Be quiet, listen to others, don’t instigate. But NEVER allow yourself to be the victim of abuse. If someone is verbally harassing you let them, hold your head high and don’t let them get a reaction from you, show your stronger than them through your silence”

  10. I asked my dad when do I know is the time to ask my girlfriend to marry me, an he said, “ like do you mean time of day?” haha he has given me advice about everything in life though, that time just stands out to me as a funny moment

  11. Take care of yourself.

    My dad told all five of us (3M/2F) this. He usually went on to say:

    Be aware of your physical body–but also of your mind. Watch your anger, your depression, your fear and your envy. If you find one taking over you *need to find out why*. Don’t be afraid of counseling.

    If you have to hold back when you’re with someone, then that person is not for you. If you can’t bring yourself to open up completely, there’s something about that person you aren’t able to trust. If you have a friend who talks about other people, they’re talking about you behind your back.

    Never lend money. Give it with the expectation that you will never be paid back. It prevents a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.

    Never give a birthday/Christmas gift of money. If you don’t **know** what to give someone, you don’t know them well enough to buy them gifts. A card will suffice.

  12. Knowing that I can be the one to make a difference in my own life and nobody else.

    Been currently going through a breakup that ended on bad terms in January, and along with everything else going on in 2020 my life has been hard to deal with and keep positive.

    Over the past couple of months I’ve had to face adversity to things I’ve never been accustomed to, mainly not being able to speak with anybody because I’ve lost numerous friends due to poor decision making and selfish actions.

    However with taking the time to learning about myself and the goals I want to accomplish in my career it’s slowly helped me understand that I’ve been heavily relying too much on others to make myself happy. Once I learned that things started to change.

    I woke up earlier
    I started to eat better
    I took an interest in running and training for a 5k
    Started researching jobs I wanted to eventually interview for (goal is to work at Tesla Motors one day)

    Happiness has to come from yourself, not anyone else. Hard concept to grasp but truly satisfying once learned and understood.

  13. My family, on one side or the other, is pretty well known in my home county, so it isn’t unusual to be referenced by someone I run into to a relative, especially among the older generations. I was complaining about this notoriety, and the attending expectations of rectitude, to my father one day, and he gave me a reply that I will carry with me until the day I die. He told me, “Son, there is only one thing harder than living up to a good reputation, and that is living down a bad one.”

    So, the next time you are tempted to cut corners, fudge the numbers, or take the path of least resistance, remember: There is always someone watching, and your actions don’t just affect you. Live with integrity, and make your life count.

    “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, Favor is better than silver and gold.”- Proverbs 22:1

  14. “Best” advice from my uncle.

    “Don’t smoke cigarettes. They’re bad for you and smell bad. But Weed? You can smoke that cause it might smell bad and it isn’t good for you, but you can at least get high off it so there is some sort of benefit.”

    Thanks

  15. Don’t obsess over things you have no control over. My dad watched me grow up with intense perfectionism. I’d have breakdowns before exams. Meanwhile the only pressure that existed was what I inflicted upon myself. I had nothing but loving, accepting parents. He’s never been emotional but now that he’s older it was hard to hear him say how it hurts him to watch me constantly make myself sick over everything.

  16. My Pop.
    “Always get the easy stuff right, and then they will cut you a break if you struggle with the hard stuff.”

    “Life doesn’t have a safety net. Always make sure you know tomorrow is coming, and be ready to move forward.”

    “Be brave.”

  17. I once thought you needed to be high born, well educated, or extremely cultured before you could even think of being an arrogant prick, but I’ve since learned there are no prerequisites.

    My Dad.

  18. Show an interest in your children and the things they love. If they bring you something they are excited about, take a moment to stop what you are doing and pay attention!

    Let them know that you are excited to hear about what interests them, about what makes them happy. Listen to them and appreciate every moment of that because if you don’t, they will stop letting you know about what they are happy about.

    Just be present in their lives. I guarantee it is more important than social media, that report, that email, that tv show. It’s a few minutes of your life and it will make them happy.

  19. “It’s not poetry just talk about what you want and listen. People sometimes just want to hear your voice.”

    Someone close to me giving me advice on how to overcome my social anxiety and talk freely to people.

  20. My father died when I was young and wasn’t present even before that. I got the best advice from two different men.

    First: late 80’s I’m 18 and walking near the Warfield theater with another girlfriend who is tiny, 5’2″ 100 pounds soaking wet and I’m 5’11” 180 and look like I should be on the swedish wrestling team and a group of older men on a bench whistle as we walk by. I don’t even bother turning around because I know it’s directed at my friend. She turns around and the one guy says “no, your friend”, I turn around and he said “Never forget, only a dog likes a bone”. Literally, he made a huge positive difference in my perspective of me.

    Second: older neighbor, professor at a well known university, veteran, well travelled, openly unapologetically gay and empathetic to the physical and emotional abuse I survived told me before he passed away, “you,…are enough.”

  21. 20F here and it wasn’t actual verbal advice, he and my mom just made sure I knew as much as they could teach for me to get by on my own. Hes the only person I believe wholeheartedly when he says I can’t do something yet because he’s always been incredibly supportive. I can change my oil/filter and tires and lights if I need to, and lots of other things typically seen as “men” things because of him. He really broke down the gender barrier that can be perceived still, I like anime and war/fighting games, I love to bake and paint, and I am the friend who goes “hey X thing in your house needs a fix, I’ll have the tools next time I’m over”. Really grateful and proud of my dad for how he handled raising a girl – no different than how he’d raise another child.

  22. “Never put money before people, unless it is money for the people.”

    My dad walked out when I was 10. So I had many father figures, it wasnt until I joined the military that I heard this.

    My platoon sergeant was always reminding everyone that with their new rank came a level of financial security. He hated the civilian business world, so do I, due to the greed of making more money for some jackass who stepped on good people to.make their fortunes.
    He would buy us donuts and coffee, or order us pizza because he knew he made more than us privates.

    People who pursued money over people are low lives. Example: looters taking advantage of protests for items. Absolute human scum.

    Another way Ive heard it is: “The only time you should look into someones elses plate is to make sure they have enough.”

    Same idea

  23. Work, work with the utmost sincerity, no matter what you do, just don’t fret about the result. Enjoy the process, always, enjoy the process. And your most cherished possessions in life are your health and the relations you build and nurture.

  24. Gonna paraphrase a guy I admire here : Life is most of the time very brutal. Therefore you should make use of every opportunity you have and then maybe, maybe you can make your life manageable and worth living for.

  25. “Be where you are supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there. Do what you’re supposed to do when you’re supposed to do it.”

    I think that simple rule covers about 90% of life.

  26. Best advice my dad ever gave me: “just say fuck it.”

    If something bad happens, like you lose your job and can’t pay your bills, getting worried sick over it isn’t going to help anything. You’ll just have to deal with more stress (no sleep, upset stomach, etc) on top of the actual issue. So just say fuck it!

    My dad dealt with a divorce and a bankruptcy at the same time and was able to keep his composure the whole time and get through all of it.

  27. Not really from my father, but from a manager I used to work with at Wal-Mart who had a degree in finance.

    In regards to building credit with credit cards, he said if you don’t have the money now, what makes you think you’ll have the money later?

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