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What do you guys think of Therapy?

I used to serve in the Armed Forces, I got out around a year ago and despite it being a year it’s been affecting me a lot. I never deployed so I don’t know why stuff like that is bothering me tbh. My Fiance told me to try Therapy out but I feel like I don’t deserve it. What are your guys’ thoughts on this, and Therapy in general.

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32 Comments

  1. Therapy is great. You should try it.

    And bear in mind, finding a good therapist is kind of like finding a good doctor. Take your time, be patient and find a therapist that’s right for you. Also keep in mind that therapy isn’t an instant fix, it takes time and it takes effort on your part. Therapy *can* help you.

  2. Therapy in my experience is great. I can talk about anything with my therapist that I can’t with my wife and get an outside view on how to approach things that are tough in my life. It takes time of trying out different therapists to see who really works out for you. Took me 6-8 months to find the therapist I’m comfortable with and comfortable opening up to.

  3. I’ve been going to therapy for years off an on. Whatever stigma you think is associated with therapy is pretty non-existent these days, and the folks who still hold that stigma probably need therapy the most. Therapy is like going to the gym for your brain; you are helping train your mental fortitude and become more resilient. There is no shame in asking for help, and you don’t need any more justification for therapy than just wanting to go. It won’t hurt to hit it up for a couple sessions and then reassess if you feel like it’s not for you!

  4. Combat Vet here, served 8 years in the ARMY. 100% therapy will work……if you actually go, listen and make the effort to learn to find out “whats going on”. It is such a misunderstood and tabboo field that its heartbreaking to see so many suffer because they dont understand it or refuse to go. Myself most of all!!!!!! Almost killed myself because i was in a death spiral after the Iraq War and didnt know what to do. Thought therapist were all idiots and bla bla bla….till i finally found thr RIGHT therapist. He saved my life and helped me get on the path. I ended up getting a Masters Degree in Psychology with the intention of getting licensed to practice myself (but ended up getting side tracked in the Entertainment biz making too much money, all thanks to getting better of course) . . Now that im retired young and set for life, i help other combat veterans make the steps and getting the help they need by offering guidence, wisdom and support. Hope this helps you!!! Good luck!!!!!

  5. Go. To. Therapy.

    Stop pretending you don’t deserve it. That is an excuse. Go to therapy.

    Without proper channels to work out the problems you are dealing with, it will never resolve itself and you may ruin relationships and destroy your future.

  6. Iv tried in the past. I guess I was expecting someone to talk to, someone to listen to me, and maybe provide some insight or direction. The ones I have been to listened to me for about 10 minutes and tossed me prescriptions.

    After the 4th one, I honestly felt like the entire thing was bullshit. Never even got to “this is the core of the issue, and ____ is how we deal with it”, it just seemed like a waste of money and an easy way to toss someone pills.

    OP, I hope you have a better experience than I did. Everyone deserves to be happy, sometimes we need help. You’ll get there, just take it one step at a time. I tell myself that last part often

  7. what have you got to lose by going to therapy mate.

    find a good psychologist with a minimum of PHD who specializes in PTSD and CPTSD.

    you never know, maybe what you’re dealing with comes from some other shit which happened in your childhood and being in the forces has opened old wounds.

    look after yourself mate

  8. You’ve got nothing to lose by trying.

    I found it to be really helpful when I was dealing with anxiety, grief, and PTSD after my husband’s sudden death.

    Doesn’t mean you have to go on psychotropics or something if that’s a fear of yours, mine helped me learn coping mechanisms and helped me mentally process some shit by framing it in ways I hadn’t thought of.

  9. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. School was incredibly traumatic for me.

    I’ve done a lot mental health support in the last 30 years.

    Counselling, therapy, 12 step programs, been a part of a men’s group for over 20 years.

    The result of all this is that I, at 58, am doing things now that would have been inconceivable to me a decade ago., younger people are often stunned when I tell them my age (they think I am much younger) I am having more fun than a grown man ought to be allowed to have.

    Do the therapy. When you feel that you have gotten all you can out of the therapy, join or form a men’s group. Mental health is an ongoing process.

    Your future self will thank you a lot.

  10. Go to Therapy, I had a significant trauma in my life that really screwed me up and honestly therapy really helped me get back on track. I learned to deal with the trauma and almost 4 years later I am better at managing it. Therapy also opened me up to dealing with issues from my childhood, growing up, relationships with people, and lots of other things.

    You should definitely give it a try, the first few times you might not want to share its natural but keep going and go to someone you feel comfortable with.

  11. Therapy can be good for you. However, there’s some caveats:

    1) Therapy can be like dating-you need to find a good fit. So if the first therapist isn’t good for you, don’t give up. Keep shopping. You need to feel safe and supported. If you can’t form a trust connection with someone, don’t force a fit.

    2) It helps to have some idea of what you’d like to get out of therapy and be able to verbalize that. If you’re just going because your fiancé wants you to and that’s what you tell the therapist, some therapists will again ask you why you’re there. If you keep mentioning that you’re there because your fiancé told you to go and can’t verbalize why you think you need to be there, I’ve seen some therapists who will tell the patient that if there’s nothing they want to work on, they probably shouldn’t continue.

    3). There are bad therapists out there, ones that shouldn’t be therapists. There are some that just want to blame everything on you and that’s not healthy, and there are some that want to absolve you of all blame and want to place blame on everyone else. This isn’t healthy either. You need someone who will call you out on your bullshit but who will also tell you when you’re taking responsibility for things when you shouldn’t. It’s a tough job and this is why some of them get paid well to balance that.

    4) it can be a roller coaster of emotions. You need to know this and to know that it’s ok. Everyone’s reactions are different, but I know some people who were tough manly men and who never cried and stuff came up in the safe space of therapy and once they started crying, they couldn’t turn it off. For six months or a year after, they’d cry at the drop of a hat. It was like a pendulum. They’d went from never crying, to being too emotional. It took awhile for their emotions to normalize and for them to cry at appropriate times and not other and to be able to exert some control over it. Of course, these people were dealing with very specific issues that you may not be. But some people will walk out of therapy feeling terrific because they did a lot of hard work in the session, but then feel exhausted later because of the range of emotions they went through. There can be anger, sadness, elation…. The whole gambit.

    5). There are different approaches to therapy. Some people believe you should medicate everything to help you immediately in the here and now. Some people believe that figuring out why you’re the way you are isn’t useful and focus on helping you identify triggers and coping mechanisms that you can apply quickly. Others believe without going back and figuring out what happened to explain why you are the way you are or do the things you do or feel the things you feel you can’t fix things moving forward. These are a lot of generalizations but it can help to spend some time to think about what would work best for you. If you know that you can ask questions when you’re phoning them and figure out how they work and this can help you streamline the “shopping” process for a therapist.

    6) Therapy is hard work and it isn’t contained to the sessions. You’ll be driving or trying to fall asleep or eating or whatever and something will click in your head. And once you start thinking about things or making connections it’s hard to stop. Which is ok and normal. But you also need to be careful not to become obsessive about it. Short term stuff and things are happening in your head is fine, but months or years down the road you want to make sure you’re not looking at your own belly button too much and excluding the world

    7) You don’t have to fix everything at once. It’s ok to take breaks and let stuff just simmer.

    8). If you go thru the VA be aware that you can pass people who look really screwed up in the waiting room and feel guilty that you’re taking resources from someone that really needs it. You’re not notice deserve it and need it as much as the next person in line.

    None of that is meant to steer you away. Just want you to be as successful with it as possible. I wasn’t aware of the shopping process and hated my first therapist so much that it was years before I tried again. I’ve seen guys bail because of the work or the emotions. Stick with it, it’s worth it.

  12. A lot of people think of therapy as “I’m sick and this person is supposed to fix me”. This is a mistake. Its better to think of it as a service you’re using for self improvement. Like going to the gym but for your mind.

  13. Why do you think you need to deserve it? If it can help you become a better person and maybe work out what’s bothering you then I think you should at least give it a try

  14. Honestly idk if I would have made it through my divorce without Dr. Andrew. It really helps me to say things out loud that I don’t really want my friends or family to hear. There’s a reassurance there that the person you’re talking to isn’t going to go spread rumors about you or tell anyone you know what’s going on. And also that they’re actually trained to deal with your issues. Not all therapists are great, but sometimes I think it barely matters what they say.

    Anyway, go to therapy. It can’t hurt and will probably make you feel better.

  15. As someone who’s been in and out of therapy for many years, it’s a life saver. Being able to work through my shit and get to the core of my issues has helped me overcome a lot.

  16. I don’t trust it, also not trying to be hateful or negative but whenever someone responds to someone ranting about their mental health with “go to the therapy”, it kinda annoys me. Here’s the thing, not everyone might have access to therapy and not everyone can afford it.

  17. LOL that capital “T” made me think you were referring to the band [Therapy](https://youtu.be/oDVsIvvFtcs)? which is worth a listen.

    Anyway, yeah try therapy, obviously. I’m sure you have no problem telling a doctor about a wrenched shoulder that “I have no idea what I did or how it got that way”. Same goes with mental and emotional problems. It might take a while to figure out what it is, and you might find out some stuff about yourself you don’t agree with or like, but it’s worth it in the end to clean up your mess.

  18. I didn’t find therapy useful, therapists are very locked into certain ideas like the importance of spirituality or having a large social group. The formulaic approach therapists take will help some but it seemed unhelpful and dehumanizing to me. There’s no real harm trying therapy out if you can afford it so you might as well give it a go but don’t be surprised if it’s not the panacea some people here claim it to be.

  19. Therapy is never based in deserving it bro. It’s good for many people. But I will say don’t spend 10 years in it. Go in to work on specific things. Some people go for way to long.

    Also don’t be worried if you don’t click with a therapist. Keep searching until you find one your comfortable with. Unfortunately there are a lot of crappy ones.

    Also be prepared to put in work. Some people mindlessly go not actually putting in work.

  20. As others have said: please go!

    But please be aware that it’s a lot less specific science than, say, going to an ENT doc. There’s a lot of therapists out there that might not work out for you because their methods don’t jive with how your brain works, because they’re testing a theory and aren’t flexible, because they have no experience with army or similar institutions, etc etc. Do NOT be discouraged if the first therapist isn’t the most amazing. It’s sort of like expensive speed dating. You might have to have an “intro” session with multiple therapists before you find one really worth going back to.

    Of course you in particular deserve it, your past experience and your fiancée are proof of that, but if it helps at all, pretty much anybody does imo. Everybody has varying degrees of issues they could probably talk out with a therapist once at least.

  21. Go to therapy. Not deploying does not mean you don’t need it, or somehow didn’t “earn the right” to go. The army puts a lot of mental pressure on all its soldiers, deployed or not. Not to mention the love you lived before and outside the army. I lost my husband to suicide two years ago, he was active duty, never saw combat, and the army still ruled it as “line of duty.” Your life is deserving of support, and no one proves themselves more of a “man” by trying to just “Soldier on,” ignoring their very human emotions. It takes more strength to recognize and seek help when you need it, than it does to continue to ignore the problem. Please don’t become another statistic, or choose for yourself an angry and bitter life. Choose strength, peace, and a full life.

  22. People say that therapy is really great but honestly it’s always been really ineffective for me. I haven’t had good experiences finding a therapist who actually helps me work through my problems. It feels like if you don’t fit a standard mental disorder then they don’t really have useful tools.

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