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What Dad Joke was your Dad’s go-to while you were growing up?

My dad: When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar! (told frequently while everyone is piling into the station wagon)

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  1. ***EVERY*** single God damn time I started a sentence with, “Well,-” he’d quickly go, “that’s a deep subject.”

    EVERY TIME. Still my favorite joke to pull on people to this day.

  2. Whenever I’d say “I’m thirsty”

    Hi Thursday, I’m Friday. Come over Saturday, we’ll have a sundae.

    Every. Single. Time. Like if it’s not repeated ruthlessly, it’s not a proper dad joke

  3. Whenever we drove by a cemetery, my mom always asked “how many people in there do you think are dead?” and then when someone guesses a number, she replied with “all of them”

  4. Me: “Hey Dad, where are my shoes?”

    Dad: “Well, let’s see. The last time I was wearing them was…”


    Mom: “Hey Dad, can you put the kid’s shoes on for me?”

    Dad: “Okay, but I don’t think they’re going to fit me!”

    My dad has a lot of good shoe related material.

  5. For as long as I can remember, whenever I’d get a dessert or a milkshake or something from a restaurant, he’d always take it first and insist he needed to “check it for poison” and proceed to eat or drink half of my dessert. Knew it was bs even as a little kid but still clever lmao

  6. My dad wasn’t much of a jokester, but after we finished dinner, he would always say “Good groceries, Mom.” (mom being his wife, my mom)

    My husband was witness to this, and we say it to each other a lot.

  7. If my dad has food before my mom did, he would always say his didn’t count till my mom ate. Definitely gets laughs around anyone.

    Another: after having heavy meals, he’ll say “ I don’t want anything to eat…*(pauses)*.. for the next 10 minutes”

  8. I was having trouble understanding what the ‘mean’ was for a math question when I was young. I asked my Dad to help me and he would keep saying, ‘why are you calling me mean?’ He kept doing it that I started crying.

    Fucking dick.

  9. Whenever we had pizza for dinner, hours later, my father would return to the kitchen and see leftover pizza, and then loudly exclaim “Hey! Pizza!”

    It was always funny and I’ve begun doing it myself.

  10. My dad had an element of acting to it

    He’d start; ‘why do seals have flat Willie’s?’ (Penises)

    Then with arms dead straight he’d clap in front of his crotch making seal noises

    Still gets the best eye rolls from people I try it on!

  11. *Young me heading out the door with friends*

    Dad: Have fun guys, but don’t do fungis without me! 🍄

    All of this because 5yo me thought getting my dad a shirt that said Fun Guy with a cute mushroom for fathers day was a good idea… did this till the day he died

  12. My dad to this day references two jokes on a regular basis.

    1. Billy the Balloon once had an argument with his parents. He got so upset that he crept into his parents’ room and popped them both with a pin before turning it on himself. When his dad woke up, he was furious. He took Billy to one side and said, “Bill, I’m so disappointed in you. You’ve let me down, you’ve let your mother down, and most of all you’ve let yourself down.”

    2. A woman was working in a factory making Elmo toys. As her supervisor walked around she noticed that all of the womans Elmos had two marbles sewn together in a bit of fabric and stitched between the legs. The supervisor was horrified, ‘I said give them two test tickles!’

  13. Us: “Dad where are we going?”
    Dad: “CRAZY, WANNA GO?!?”

    Dad: I had the craziest dream last night.”
    Us: “yeah?”
    Dad: “yeah I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow and I woke up and my pillow was gone.”

  14. My dad had a few. I would ask what was for dinner, and he would reply “toilet paper and gravy”

    Also, every time I would start a sentence with “Guess what” he would reply “chicken butts! You know why? Because your butt’s so dry!” Every god damn time. It’s funny now, but he did it because it annoyed me.

  15. Every time someone sneezed, after saying bless you and thanking him he’d say “no ay de queso, nomas ay de papas” which means there isnt any cheese kinds, only potato. Dont know why he said this but now all of us do and I dont knoe where he got it from

  16. Usually altered and funny versions of poems.

    e.g. the original poem reads “I’ll hit you in the head with this heavy hammer so that you don’t ever come to Mazandaran.” His altered version: “I’ll hit you in the head with this heavy hammer so that you trip over/gallop to Mazandaran.”

    It rhymes perfectly in my own language (farsi/persian) as heavy means grun (g from gravity, run from run), and Mazandaran is pronounced [](

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