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What are you so posed to do or what do you do when you go to see someone’s grave ?

So someone I was in love with passed away almost 2 years ago and I’ve never been to see the grave, I barely got myself to go to the funeral.

The anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks and my best friend told me it’s time to stop running. I need to face the truth and reality, the person is dead and gone and I need to grieve.

My parents were abusive and alcoholic so I grew up never talking about anything as always hiding my feelings/emotions.

My best friend and I are going to see the grave (in another city so %%%% COVID) in a few weeks and I realized I’ve never been to a cemetery/graveyard before.

What do I do when I get there ? Am I supposed to bring flowers ? Is it inappropriate to bring her favourite alcohol and leave it there ?
What are supposed to do or what do you do when you visits someone’s grave ?

Brisbane Structural Engineers Brisbane Structural Engineers

My parents never talked about this stuff and we’re not close at all so I never by and that father figure to explain things like this to me.

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9 Comments

  1. There’s not really a set protocol. A grave is a set piece, a physical marker for that person’s life to those they lefr behind.

    Do whatever you need to process from there. Pour out a drink as a toast to her, leave flowers in respect or because she liked them, just show up and talk as if to her to get anything off your chest, scream at god, sit silently and reflect on your time together, write a goodbye letter and leave it, anything you think might help you process.

    Basically as long as you dont damage anything or start digging you’ll be fine. Everyone grieves differently.

  2. It’s very individual. As an atheist, I don’t really think the grave site per se matters much, though it may help with closure issues. For me, anything that matters graveside can be done mentally anywhere else.

  3. You should bring flowers her favorite flowers go with your friend and sit down by her grave and just talk about her cry and talk some more and cries more you don’t have to forget about her you just have to go on with your life she would want that

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