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What are the harsh realities or tough truths you face when it comes to dating in your 20s?

Been a while since I last posted a question, but since then I feel I’ve learnt a lot about how to spot red flags, and early signs of a potential poor relationship to save my self the wasted time.

Interested to hear more thoughts from people who have gone through it or are going through it right now

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29 Comments

  1. My issue is lack of experience.

    Around the 20s, men are expected to be experienced with women. I won’t even say at least once or twice, since the age of consent around here is 14 and, given the reputation Brazil has around the world, once or twice are rookie numbers.

    Being completely inexperienced in mid-20s are bad signs for women, ranging from mistrust of self-image or sexuality, or just simple thoughs like “if no girls have wanted him, there’s something wrong with him”. It’s kinda true, but yeah, makes life harder.

  2. A lot of people trap themselves in unhappy relationships. Because they are afraid of being alone or the sunken cost fallacy that people use for long term relationships. Dont be like that, if someone is showing you true incompatible traits then walk away.

  3. Most people in their 20s seem to want fun and excitement but the people you might want to have fun with don’t nessicarily correlate to the people you want a long term commitment with

  4. There isn’t someone for everyone. Some people were born to live in solitude. That’s ok, and these people shouldn’t feel shame. So don’t get down on a friend that gives up on dating. Giving up on dating is almost always the correct choice, because dating when you aren’t having fun doing it is a 1-way ticket to embitterment and resentment. And it’s not a decision that is in any way irreversible or damaging – if you or your friend later decides they wanna hop back on the horse, you or they can just… hop back on the horse.

  5. Things aren’t permanent, people care about themselves first, attraction can’t be created or negotiated, it can only be discovered. Mixed signals are clear signs of disinterest. People won’t love you because you *deserve* it or they owe it to you. You can spend a lot of time trying to make another person happy, and they still have every right to dump you if they’re not feeling it.

    The TOUGHEST truth is this:

    You can NOT be in a healthy relationship unless you are perfectly happy with the prospect of being single . If singledom scares you, you will settle and do things you don’t want to do to keep someone around. The only way to build a solid relationship is to see single as the default state, and it only changes if someone is really amazing to you. I saw coupled up as the default state and single as the shitty waiting period between relationships.

  6. There will be people who will try to convince you that a very harmful or abusive thing they do is normal in a relationship. Always be cautious with red flags, and know that there are plenty of people like you who want a healthy and safe relationship.

  7. Literally nothing.

    All the crap you learned was crap.

    >”As adults, women mostly are attracted to money”

    Nope. Gold diggers are rare and you ain’t got enough gold to to trigger their goldar.

    The only relevant questions are: Can you hold down a job? Do you have goals?

    If you answer yes to both, you pass the test and your salary doesn’t matter.

    Beyond that: Nothing really changes dating in your 20s. Pretty much everyone is a confused dumb adult-child that drinks too much and has no clue what they want to do with their life.

  8. nothing different than dating in college: its a numbers game. The more at bats you take the more success you’ll have. Rejection will happen, hurt feelings will happen, just have fun and hope you can meet someone right for you along the way. But if you’re not having fun take a step back and take a break from trying to date.

  9. Harshest truth? Every woman has a line of guys waiting for their chance, and it’s not a first come first serve type of line. You’re only special to them because they think you’re special. The moment they realize you’re a worthless piece of shit, you will be replaced.

  10. More people let go and get fat.

    So people you haven’t seen in a year could have put on 10-15kgs.

    My generation had heaps and I mean heaps of single parent mothers in their 20s. So you might need to take that into consideration when dating. Sure they are nice people, but can you take care of 1 + 1?

  11. Maybe not so much early 20s, but mid to late 20s women are more likely than not to be single mothers.

    Even then though you’re gonna have to get through multiple rejections before one girl says yes. You’ll have to play it as a numbers game and learn not to be discouraged.

    Meeting girls is harder too because now you have to go out of your way to talk to them as opposed to going to class. Even with collage it’s harder since most likely you’ll have like 1 class with said women.

    You’re gonna have to stand out more because after highschool, women have a much higher dating pool. You’re gonna be 1 out of 10 guys trying to date a girl. And no offense to any single ladies, but I’ve found that most of the really good girls are usually already taken. That’s not a hard rule, just an observation from experience.

  12. Most 20s use online dating, so mentally prepare yourself for hookup culture, cancel culture and swipe culture (yes they’re all coined terms for Gen Z dating life)

    Hookup culture; instant incompatibility when you want a relationship but many others may just want sex. “What are you looking for?” Is the most important question to ask. But still, some people are gonna lie just to get in your pants, it’s easy to lie online

    Cancel culture: With the protection of a screen, many people are okay with cancelling on plans numerous times and/or outright ghosting you, most of the time without any closure at all. Be secure enough to move on from this

    Swipe Culture; Apps like Tinder, Bumble & Hinge are the most popular dating apps, and they all make you swipe after seeing a profile. It inherently makes us shallow and only swipe on the top % of attractive men and women. If you’re not attractive, you’ll have a hard time

  13. People change

    Someone can seem like the perfect match, you’ll be head over heels and want to do some very permanent things in the name of love (buy large assets, get married, have kids, etc). Then 5 years later you’re stressed and miserable af with a wife who hates your guts and is probably cheating on you but you’re working too much to care.

    If you’re reading this, pls don’t do any of those permanent things when you’re so young. Time, tragedy, and stress can mold a person into a completely different human being.

    Edit – when I say permanent, I just mean really damn hard to change/split

  14. Probably that you won’t be told the harshest things, leaving you with no other choice but to experience them yourself.

    Why would that be the case?
    I guess since different people face different “harshest truths”, they are highly individual so you probably will always find more people disagreeing than agreeing.

  15. That, it isn’t really, truly about looks.
    I’m not the best looking, I’m kinda big and Everything.
    But like, when I was in college and personable, I got dates.
    Work makes it hard now(9-7 is brutal) but meeting people vis the biggest how hurdle I feel.
    I think also, the biggest thing is just because you see people in relationships over and over, doesn’t mean it’s healthy, they might just be afraid of being alone. I have several family members who have been in back to back relationships and my mother is sure it’s all because they don’t know how to be alone or single.
    So, it’s ok to be single.

  16. Women generally date up, men usually date down. That being said, your competing with men not only in thier 20’s, but sometimes on up to 40’s and they have more experience and money than you as thier set in careers already.

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