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What are some things that you’ve learned about women that might help others out.

Personally, a big for me, is listening. I always thought I was a good listener until I met my partner and every single time she would tell me something I would instantly go into ‘lets fix this’ zone and start finding logical solutions. It was always a hit or miss. It took me months to finally realize that she wasn’t always looking for solutions, she just needed someone to listen. Women aren’t complicated creatures, they’re just like us, with their own set of quirks. My partner and I had a detailed conversation about this and she agreed that at times women just want the other person to listen to their rant, it’s a way to let off some steam and vent.

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What are some observations that you’ve made that have helped you out, share to help some brothers out.


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48 Comments

  1. In conflict: After listening, repeat what they told you in short(in your own words) to make it clear if you understood them proper before reacting. Can solve alot of misunderstandings.

  2. Another thing: knowing when to ask what’s wrong. My partner has been depressed for a long time, and we both work on it to make sure she’s in a better mental state, it’s a work in progress. I’m extremely observant, so when there’s something wrong with her, I instantly know, either from her voice or her facial expressions. Previously I used to jump right into questioning her; what happened, what’s wrong, tell me. In this way she felt that she was being interrogated rather than supported. At times, she didn’t know what the reason was, yeah depression is quite the bitch.

    It took me a while to understand that she doesn’t know what the problem is, and I can be there for her without asking her hundreds of questions. It makes a huge difference when you’re just present, asking her how her days going, and what is she up to. I still struggle with the questioning bit this but it’s a wip.

  3. Your current partner is not responsible for your last partner’s behavior.

    Every one is different, so you need to listen, understand, and communicate so that you can have a meaningful relationship that is (somewhat) free from bias.

  4. Suppose you’re out for a drive and your girl asks you if you would like a coffee… what they are actually saying is *they* would like a coffee.

    It took me a while to realize women ask for things this way quite often.

  5. Being honest. Not like mostly honest. Absolute honesty. In my previous relationships I would use small, white lies. Nothing too important. I would say something like “I’m gonna sleep” then play video games. However, in my latest relationship I decided to be completely honest and she was also completely honest with me and tell me anything no matter how bad the situation is. This formed a very strong foundation between us. We had to break up but we are still best friends and we are still completely honest with each other. Small lies and dishonesty rules out the possibility of this.

  6. Learn to express your feelings/thoughts/fears to her. Some women, such as my wife, are fixers and will try to offer solutions rather than just letting you blow off some steam. Also learn to take criticism and repeat it back to her how you understood what she said. Try to better yourself, even if your relationship won’t last, it will be a positive going into the next.

  7. When a female friend speaks to you about feelings and stuff then it doesn’t mean that she is into you. Just because it is something special to you as a guy when you speak about your feelings or are emotional with someone it doesn’t mean it is something special to her. Women speak with many different people about emotions and feelings while 99% of men only do it with their significant other. That’s probably the biggest difference between men and women and why so many guys are in the friendzone.

  8. If a woman jokes (nicely of course) about dating you or you two being together, in general, she’s actually considering the idea that you could be together and has some interest. It’s a safe way of hinting. Doesn’t mean you should go all in immediately but it’s a good sign if you like her.

    Corollary: if you joke about being together with a woman and she doesn’t play along/react at all, she’s most likely not interested and you should not insist.

    Of course, some woman are more timid and others just playful with everybody, but in general they want to avoid misdirecting or giving false hopes to men (because there is always some risk of bad experience and no reason to risk it for nothing)

  9. Don’t solve their problems unless they specifically ask you to help… like explicit “what should I do?” Or “how do i…?”. I’ve been married to the same woman for 16+ years but didn’t figure it out until until a couple years ago.

    Random flowers never hurt anyone.

    Don’t try to play video games and talk at ther same time, either let her know your full attention isn’t being given so she shouldn’t give sensitive information or that you’ll be available soon to chat after the match.

  10. I’ve heard that advice a million times so I try to follow it but after the hundredth time hearing her rant about the same shit I gotta start offering possible solutions, just for my own sanity lol

  11. Pay attention to her clit. Stop thinking your dick is God’s gift to women. Lots of women don’t come from vaginal sex alone. Even then, if vaginal sex makes her cum hard, it’s still mostly her clit making it happen. That’s what the g-spot is. Her clit is more than just a lil exterior nub, and the g-spot is the interior part being stimulated.

    Don’t be one of those assholes who says they don’t eat pussy.

    Also, you’re not playing call of duty, it’s not a fucking joystick, learn to be gentle. Pay attention to her reactions, as all women are different and the playbook in your mind is not better than what her actual body is telling you she likes. Yes, this even applies to what I just wrote. It’s not set in stone. Everyone is different, and maybe hers is way more sensitive, so vaginal sex might be what she likes more. Either way, care about getting her off.

  12. This might sound dumb, but know when to say sorry. If you say it too early, she won’t hear because she’s not done being mad. Too late and she will resent you for not apologizing sooner. I think this goes with everyone, I see it in my kids too.

  13. It sounds obvious but they are people too. Not just the ones you are dating. Your mother, grandmother, sister, boss, neighbor, mail carrier, all unique people capable of experiencing any and all emotions. They can be cool, or uptight, or neat or gross. Just play it by ear and dont assume

  14. Women get annoyed by missing you. That’s an actual thing that happens.

    If she’s on your ass about something or in an off mood, ask her the real reason why she feels that way and try to understand where she’s coming from.

  15. Women spend a lot of time decoding men’s mixed signals. So it’s not very difficult to act mysterious around them. If you want to let them know something, be very clear.

    On the other hand guys tend not to take no for an answer. So sometimes a girl is not playing hard to get, she just doesn’t like you.

  16. honestly the biggy is they are just like dudes, with a few minor differences in their upbringing and hormones that alter thier outlook / preprogrammed responses (just like guys do too)

    here are some very over simplified bits of advice, that i think are good to share without sounding overly sexist / generalizing

    1. sometimes they want you to listen to the problem, and thats IT, not tell them how to fix it, what to do next etc…

    2. periods fuck with hormones and they fucking hurt, if i kick you in the shin every hour for a few days, you’re probably going to pretty irritable, not an excuse to be an asshole, but hey having someone be that bit nicer, running you a bath or picking up an extra chore or two really makes that shin feel less world ending

    3.1 they are more than their appearance, sure you love how she looks, but if funny tell her she is funny, if she is clever tell her she is clever, if shes good at things that are skill based tell her, lots of women grow up only getting complimented on thier appearance and knowing someone not only notices that they are shit hot at mario kart, but that its awesome makes her feel truely appreciated **note** if you add *for a girl* you have royally fucked it mate….

    3.2 however… if she is pretty, tell her, if that dress makes her ass look amazing tell her, if her new haircut is stunning tell her, if she can do those hot little eyeliner wing things tell her how hot they are, because as 3.1 if you get socialized into your appearance being a measure, then if they make effort, you should notice and appreciate it, and come on dudes, how good does it feel when you crack out that shirt you know makes your arms look awesome, and someone says, “looks good”

    4. you might “understand” sexism but you dont “get it”, you can study the fuck out of having your hand chopped off, you can know every nerve and muscle fibre that will be damaged, you can be a damn surgeon, but you know what it is truly like, dont try to pretend, go back to point 1 and just listen

    5. to help guys out… know when your girl is a “daddys princess” and GTFO, might seem cute at first, but OH boy does a girlfriend who cant do shit for themselves get old FAST, think of your dude who cant figure out how to cook a fucking omlette or wash his own clothes… now swap the helpless dick vibe, for a “im too important to do that” vibe

  17. Women don’t just bitch about problems and not solve them. They are just as capable of being mature adults that address things head on, it’s just the support needed in doing so is different.

    Guy has problem, sees solution, and if he goes to someone about the problem then he might find reaffirming his choice in solution is helpful. Woman has problem, sees solution, and if she goes to someone about the problem then she might find acknowledging that the problem is annoying helpful.

    Generally speaking women tend to be socialized into the “peacekeeping” role and this can cause fear of confrontation (acknowledging that consequences for upsetting people are different for opposite genders).

    Sometimes the venting is more about “I know it isn’t a big deal that Jim always uses the blue coffee mug I prefer at the office, but it irritates me anyway so I want to vent here and not at him at work” or “Jill always gives these backhanded comments during girls night, I want to say something but it feels like Im overreacting”. Going straight to problem solving kinda bipasses that bit and when given wrong can feel condescending when the “how to solve” wasn’t the issue they came to you with.

    Good communication can help a ton on both ends and not all men or all women fit into these roles, but I hope I explained well enough how I understand the general misunderstandings.

    I see this advice a lot, and clearly it is helpful to a lot of people. However, there are some generalizations here that I feel need to be addressed for clarity.

  18. That men have more similarities to women than differences. That the same qualities that would make you a quality valuable friend are those which will make you a good partner (obviously when there’s a fit). Tips and tools which make you act out of your own character are good short term but in the long haul are misleading and many times backfire. If you can’t listen to long conversations or you are an introvert then focusing on a partners longs stories or going on frequent social outings will make you frustrated.

    TL;DR – find a partner that gets you and you get them. Tools and tips are only short-term strategies

  19. Yeah man, your observation was one of the breakthrough things my wife and I figured out that has made a huge difference.

    I will add to that though… Yes, sometimes your woman will come to you just wanting to vent, be heard, be empathized with, and that’s it. But what she needs to understand about men, is that when she comes to you upset, she is *creating a need* in you. Men are wired to respond to crisis with action, not empathy. When men are hooked up to an MRI and shown pictures of their loved ones crying, the empathy parts of their brains become **less active** and **the areas for problem-solving and initiative spin up.**

    This isn’t an excuse for not trying to give your woman what she needs. You should zip it and listen when that’s what is called for. But she needs to understand that you can’t really turn off that problem-solving impulse, only bottle it up. When she has vented, she needs to let you talk about how to fix the problem. She doesn’t have to do anything you talk about, she just needs to let you engage that part of your brain that has been spinning madly while you did your “just listening.”

    Me realizing what she needed from me stopped a lot of fights, but her figuring out the second part got us the rest of the way to true peace.

  20. I’m a guy and also I realized that sometimes I want people to listen and give me support, not unasked lessons or advices, or scold or whatever. So I guess women are human beings (it is something we have yet to prove).

  21. That you can be an ugly mf but if your funny and confident then you can win her over. May take some time, but the women that are worth having are the ones that fall for men that are funny and confident.

  22. Not alot of responses yet… basically 2 kinds with studies (which is cool).

    MRI studies show that women relieve stress by venting because it forms a connection through empathy but it creates stress in men by lowering empathy and replacing it with a drive to action….this must be suppressed because its going to stress her instead of relaxing her. Alot of agreement on this one. Im surprised theres less meet in the middle here.

    Also sex with men kind of sucks by design so unless youre one of the fortunate minority your partner is not going to get off from your sex organ like you probably will with hers.

    I wonder if gay people read these threads and think they dodged a bullet.

  23. This is more dating advice than advice for men who are already with someone.

    When I was younger I had a tendency to victimize myself. The girls I liked seemed to always flake out on me for other guys. It was a huge self esteem blow and I started to think there was something inherently wrong with me. But I got older and kept trying (because what else am I going to do?) and one day a girl told me she bailed on plans with another guy to hang out with me! Of course I’m not advocating bailing on people, but it was really relieving to know that it was not just me and that my patience and my efforts to make myself better paid off.

  24. I’m a woman, but what saved my marriage was mostly patience. I almost got divorced, had filed with the courts and what not, but we decided to give it one last go and we’ve never been happier. The biggest difference is that we’re patient. When one of us is cranky, we just be patient and kind and realize that it’s not personal, one of us is just tired or frustrated with work, and it’s not at all a reflection on the other person. And then we just let it go. We don’t hold onto it, we just take a breath and let it go, and it passes. We stopped taking everything so personally.

  25. If someone is venting to you about something, they may not want a solution. Don’t try and come up with a solution to a problem unless they ask you to. Just be there for then and listen to what they have to say

  26. Biggest thing is when a girl is outlining a problem/venting, ask before she gets in the swing of things if she is looking to vent or advice on problem solving.

    Listening is awesome, especially active listening. But if you want a super gold star incorporate what you have learned while listening later. That could mean referencing a story she has told you or buying a gift of something she said.

    Also a lot of small decisions like where to eat and the like make a decision about it/take charge. Same concept applies to work. If there is a problem don’t ask how do we fix this, come up with a potential solution. Even if it’s shit still shows you have thought about it and put effort in.

    Lastly don’t put the pussy on the pedestal. If you disagree with something, voice that in a respectful way. When I was younger I thought the key to winning lady’s hearts was always agreeing with them but that makes you a doormat.

  27. Just because shes out of your league doesnt mean you’re out of hers. People forget that there isnt a universal standard of beauty and just because you see yourself as unattractive doesnt mean that everyone else feels the same.

  28. Dude that is not specific to women that is something anyone who trusts you for emotional support will do, and that’s a subset of “if what I’m saying presupposes that the person is an idiot maybe I shouldn’t say it.”

    Here’s an example: “I want to replace a light switch with a smart switch but the smart switch is so big it won’t fit.” “Okay I can take a look, and I want to be sure you’ve already confirmed there’s a neutral wire in the box, worst case we need to replace the box with an old-work box which is bigger.” Clearly in that case her statement of the problem shows that while she’s not an idiot, she needs someone with more focused expertise to solve the problem.

    Compare with: “My boss completely agreed with me in a meeting two weeks ago, but when the memo came around it was completely the opposite. This really sucks.” Clearly in this case, she knows who the people are better than you do and she’s not asking for your expertise. She is asking for sympathy.

  29. I honestly would have appreciated fixing or just listening from some of my partners. A couple of then just stared at me blankly until I changed the subject to something they liked. The last and worst guy for this was over 30. Anytime it was his stuff I’d likely be trying to fix too much myself. I’m a woman and a fixer as I’m more into engineering and computers I guess. Sometimes I want my partner to try to fix.

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