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Unmarried men 35+: how do you deal with the fact that you may never get married?

I’m M32, I’m coming to a slow scary realization that I may never find the “one” and get married. I would love to get married and have a family but recently this seems out of reach.

I’m just wondering how do you men deal with the loneliness and lack of companionship?

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30 Comments

  1. I don’t give a shit about getting married… but I do hope to find “the one” someday. But at the same time… I’m not holding my breath for it either. If it happens it happens. I would be nice…. but I’m a pretty solitary guy so I don’t really ever feel lonely.

  2. Worried at 32?? I got married my first time at 37,,,, had my 1st child…divorced 3 yrs later,,,,, met my true love at age 45…… don’t stop looking or thinking you’ll never find that perfect soul mate because some day you will….. enjoy the dating scene and learn until you do find her

  3. I was married for 15 years 3 kids, she left me out of the blue. Getting used of being single again. Just because you get married doesn’t mean it’s forever. Never again. Edit, I raised the 3 kids , following her career, stay at home dad, when she got really, really successful, she left me. Ya

  4. Pretty easily, it’s something I’ve never really cared about ever in my life, so it’s a non-issue. As someone who’s non-religious and never fantasised about marriage, it just doesn’t really seem like something that’ll add too much value to my relationship from my perspective. Loneliness/lack of companionship are not the same as never getting married, so I feel you’re asking 2 different things simultaneously

  5. Was happily married, then he died suddenly at 36.

    Life happens. I’ve got lots of great family and friends around, a demanding job, and hobbies that keep me busy.

    Having single friends definitely helps, I’ve always got someone I can call if I want to try out a new restaurant or there’s something I don’t want to do solo.

    I can see reaching a point where I start having one night stands and hookups again, but not sure I’ll ever get back into the dating game. Way too much stress.

  6. There’s loads of people finishing their first marriage right about now.

    Some of them would probably want to get married again.

    Therefore I think the premise of your question is flawed.

    Me personally, I can’t imagine ever getting married again. I’m quite certain that I don’t want to, for various reasons, so I’m very OK with that.

  7. Not bothered.

    There’s always the chance of settling down with someone, however. That doesn’t have to be marriage, specifically.

    Many friends that did get married in their 20s and early 30s are already getting divorced. Certainly makes me less concerned about my own circumstances, even somewhat grateful.

    The thing to consider is that marriage is not only not permanent, it guarantee that you wont feel lonely either. Many people are locked into loveless marriages and are extremely lonely.

    Would it be nice to find someone to commit to that would make life somewhat more pleasant? Of course. But, more importantly, you have to find contentment in yourself and your own company first.

  8. the problem with having that vision of picture-perfect family life where you are married to _the one_ and live happily forever after with your perfect kids in your perfect house is that you go to great lengths to ignore anything and everything that doesn’t fit that vision in order to continue playing your fantasy.

    You are effectively living _the idea_ of what your life should be instead of what it actually is and that’s how you get a lot of sad and depressed fuckers in their 30s/40s: the woman might not be the one at all but since it’s _the right time_ you will convince yourself she is; your relationship with her might be actually horrendous, she treats you like shit, you carry the whole thing, dead bedroom, boring conversations, but you will ignore it all since admitting it would burst your fantasy; the impact on every other aspect of your life might be destructive – you will lose your personality, your hobbies, friends, you will pour your finances into that mortgage of a picture-perfect house, your financial independence and retirement will become impossible, but you will convince yourself it’s all worth it and so on.

    Of course by the age of 45 or 50 you might very well be divorced, single, broke, traumatized and lonely again and _then_ you will realize that what you should have been doing all along is learning how to be yourself, live your life and be content with what you have, instead of plastering the conventional fantasy over your actual life, but a lot of time will be wasted by that point.

  9. Out of my friends who got married only about a fifth are still married, I’m past the age where I’m going to let social pressure get me into a long-term contract with little or no benefit to me, and a hell of a lot of risk.

    PS. you don’t have to be married to have kids.

  10. I love not being married. Not being married doesn’t mean you can’t have acquaintances, friends, lovers, affection, sex and relationships. Being lonely is not a function of being unmarried.

  11. 0 marriages in my 38 years alive and it’s been fantastic. Doing what I want to do, buying what I want, associating with people I want to, investing how I want to,and pursuing careers in different parts of the country without needing permission or fearing half of my success will be stripped from me when someone decides to leave….has been great! Definitely the downsides of having a single earner for loans, not getting big bucks back on taxes for having married or had kids, and some of the social stigma in being unmarried for so long. Made this choice in my teens and haven’t regretted it since, so who cares? Just do you and enjoy your life! You need nobody certain to feel special, and you can form lifelong fulfilling bonds outside of a marriage as well.

  12. I mean there’s still time for a relationship to happen but at the same time I’ve gotten to a point where the sting of loneliness has dulled somewhat simply because I’ve gotten so used to it.

  13. We’ve all watched way too many marriages around us that are train-wrecks and dumpster fires. Personally, it’s the endless rounds of negotiating and compromise that put me off–this would be true even if you found “the one” or a complete submissive (and there’s a whole set of problems with that dynamic). How many men have joined the “happy wife, happy life” club? No thanks. To any of it.

  14. What’s the rush? There is no age limit on when to get married.. you can get married at 60 and still be happy. Don’t stress in man, 32 is still young as fuck. Life doesn’t start till you’re 40 anyways

  15. 32F here with the same feels. Although marriage isn’t something I’m aiming for. I’ve dated men who are just not over their first heartbreak or just want to play games and not move forward. I’m taking a break from dating because at this point I just think I’m going to end up alone. My window to have at least one kid is closing and it’s something I did/do want. Slowly but surely I’m giving that up though. I try to stay busy. I just switch my shifts to work overnight as the nights get super lonely and I’d rather just stay busy. That’s probably the best thing – stay busy.

  16. I’m divorced and would love to be married again to the right person. Thing is, dating in your 30’s is miserable so I have stopped looking. I just kind of accepted that my son and I will be happy alone we don’t need someone to make me happy.

  17. Dont worry, one of my closest just met his 3Rd girlfriend at the age of 40 the ONE, knowing that the two former were: number one was in 2017, it lasted 2 weeks or so, and the second one a married woman, it lasted a Month or so. It doesnt matter when it happens as long as it happens at some point. But keep looking around, dont wait for it!!! I have multiple single female never married, or some are divorced, but zéro kids, still looking and they are 38…

  18. Not lonely, I got my dog and a few friends. I spend my money on whatever I want, and I get to fuck whoever I want. I don’t envy married people, however the lack of a meaningful relationship does get trying sometimes, definitely would love to have a hot cool chick around but last time I had that I had almost no time to myself and no money. Eh.

  19. Spend this valuable time to work on yourself brother. Stay positive and be social with women whenever possible. Also don’t waste time on the wrong one. You’re still very young and it’s better to be single than be with the wrong person

  20. Celebrate it. There’s a 6/7 chance you dodged a bullet. Casually date or see a pro as needed. Cultivate some good friendships. Enjoy your hobbies. That’s not much but it’s about as good as life gets.

    You haven’t been able to get something and that has caused you to wildly inflate it’s value. You’ve idealized marriage. In most cases, marriage will be a massive net loss to your quality of life.

  21. Do you actually WANT to be married and have kids…or is this just something you were conditioned to want

    You have to honestly answer that question before you can deal with the things you are feeling

  22. Love it. I booked a vaca to Mexico and didn’t have to check with anyone or pay for their shit.

    As for marriage I think it’s a joke and archaic system. I’m not getting married and don’t want kids.

    Call me selfish but when those dads get divorced and lose everything and still have to pay for everything and get nothing in return? They are the biggest idiots.

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