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Single too long, how do you deal with it when starting anew?

So, I’ve encountered something a bit weird lately. I started talking to someone lately in the hopes of starting something new, but was asked the question

“how long have you been single?”

I guess I was slightly taken aback by the question, because I hadn’t really thought about it, but I’ve been “officially” single since late 2015. My ex and I still saw each other off an on for about a year after, and talked occasionally until 2018. That’s a whole other story and the last thing I want to do is talk about my ex with someone new. Granted there were a couple things that never really panned out here and there with other people since 2015, but I wouldn’t ever really say that I wasn’t “single” at any point. My life has been strange, and I guess I never found it really surprising that I was single. I moved to drastically different countries twice since then and each time have had to start from scratch in a social sense.Granted, I didn’t elaborate as I did just now and just said “late 2015”.

She seemed sort of dismayed by my answer. It seems so often that the women I know are single for relatively short periods of time, that it seems bizarre to them that I’m past the 5 year mark on being single. I’ve often found myself in situations during my times abroad that I’ve developed more casual relationships and occasional flings, but that never sounds good when you try to explain it to someone you desire a serious relationship with. I’m wondering if anyone else has been dealing with anything similar when meeting someone new after a long period of being single.

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7 Comments

  1. Because people feel that you NEED someone in your life and someone who’s been single a long time scares them because it says that you don’t need someone in your life…eg they can’t hold leaving you over your head later on.

    Question I used to get, after about five years of being single was, “We never see you with a woman, are you gay?!” I told them that they never saw me with a man either, so that was a rather idiotic deduction. I don’t NEED anyone in my life, and I was perfectly happy being single. Doesn’t bother me in the least to go out to eat along, or do anything else alone, but I’ve never once been lonely. I’ve never once been afraid of dying alone, or growing old alone, and that tends to frighten women a lot.

    Quite frankly, it always sends up red flags to me when someone has gone immediately into a new relationship, like many women that I know have….screams either co-dependent or they want someone to take care of them….I’m not good with either. There’s only been once in my life that I ever started a new relationship in less than a year after one ended. Almost every time, I went celibate and stayed away from anything but strictly platonic relationships for a least a year to year and a half.

  2. There are broadly two types of people in this world.

    – Ones who can’t function being single (the people usually end up being dependant/codependant with someone all the time)

    – Ones who can (these people either won’t settle down with a partner, or will be fussy about who they do that with and less willing to put up with shit)

    I think what women worry about is that guys who don’t have a constant pattern of relationships will leave them eventually for a range of reasons.

    The fact you’ve had previous relationships is an indicator you are capable of doing them. I think you just need to explain you took a 5 year break to focus on other aspects of your life and you are now ready to find someone to potentially settle down with (assuming that is what you actually want).

  3. You tell shawty that youre not here to discuss previous relationships not hers nor yours. Youre here to move forward in life and those relationships have nothing to do with her especially since shes already interested in you. You also dont want to hear stories about her ex. Dont let her shake you up like that bro.

  4. If someone asks you that question, don’t feel awkward or anxious about telling the truth. Say it with chest, it’s your truth and it’s absolutely fine. You’re the only person to be single for 6 years?! Ever!? No. Some people have always been single, and who cares about that either?!
    If you convey that in anyway you’re ashamed or embarrassed about it, people sense that and it’s unattractive. People like confidence, and no matter what your truth is, if you say it with confidence, it’ll get a better response. They don’t know your story, and if they make a judgement on it- no thank you.

  5. I would have ended the conversation the second she asked that question.

    Being middle-aged but still thin/in-shape still with a 29 inch waist, my rule of thumb these days (the dark days of mass female obesity) is unless I suddenly become a double-amputee, I am just fine fucking either of my hands (although frankly, frankly, I’m more of a righty) and even calling that hand my “significant other/partner” until the day (if it ever comes) that a rare “legacy” non-obese-thighs+ass female wanders into my state and wants to chat. It would have to be one that never jumped off this fat-trend cliff though, because any woman that was cattle-follower enough to do this once is IMO too dangerously mindless, and bound to do it (or something worse) again in the future – and just not for me.

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