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Older men who felt they’d be a good dad, but decided to pursue a life/career without kids. How are you now, and can you reflect on your experience at all? Do you feel you’re missing anything?

Older men who felt they’d be a good dad, but decided to pursue a life/career without kids. How are you now, and can you reflect on your experience at all? Do you feel you’re missing anything?

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8 Comments

  1. I never thought I’d have kids… I was awkward around kids, when I looked in the future I never saw kids either. When I was in high school I did culinary competitions, I did really good, senior year we got 1st in the nation and a free ride to any school if choice. From there I was always expected to do big things and stay ahead of curve. I did just that, for 13 years I ran restaurant in Chicago, some big, some small, some fancy. Got in the press a bunch, had a PR team, did video media things, different charity items… all around… I made it, making around 100k a year and my day to day work wasn’t to hard. I was “young” and starting to feel burnt out / bored with it all.

    At 33 I had child, unplanned, prepared but still pretty scary. The second she was born, it all changed, I changed… just writing this I tear up a bit. A few months go by and I miss a few “milestones” and 2 holidays and something snaps in me, I’m done… I’m over it… I don’t want to miss another day with her and I decided to change my whole life around.

    I quit my job the next day, no plans, no conversation with my then GF, nothing. I did the stay at home dad thing for a while, broke up with a toxic relationship, moved 150 miles away to work in a family business (electrical), found the true love of my live and started a homestead out in country!

    Pretty much traded in my chef knives for a chainsaw! I love my life now. My anxiety is gone, I love my daughter more then anything and she loves her life up here, often she says how she wished she never had to go back to Chicago. When she says that… I know I made the right choice.

  2. I sometimes wonder this as well.

    I’m approaching 30 and I feel like I’d be a good father. I dated someone who said I should go for it, because there are way too many dysfunctional families and shitty parents out there and someone has to make up for it.

    It was a weird argument, but I guess I can see it. But I can’t see myself having children. It doesn’t make sense to me.

    I don’t think there’s a right, or wrong call here. I’m choosing a different life, that will be fulfilling in other ways. It just seems like “wasted potential” in a weird way.

    I suppose I can always adopt.

  3. 42 and highly likely to never have kids and would have been a great dad. I don’t regret it but that’s kind of my personality, everything has an upside and a downside and whilst it might have been fun to mould a life into the best person I could I didn’t miss the cost, stress and general difficulty of having kids. Instead I’m sat here with a cool wife and our disposable income planning a retirement house we don’t have to worry about resale value on because we’re going to die in it and we don’t have to pass it down to our children.

    I do have a nephew I spoil a little, being the cool uncle is a lot easier and probably more fun than trying to be a cool but responsible dad.

  4. I would probably be a “competent” father, but it would be a duty to me rather than an enjoyable experience. Competent may or may not actually mean “good”; as a general rule I don’t really connect to other people very well and thus would likely be an emotionally distant father.

  5. I’d be in the middle of this venn diagram. Thought I made it out without any kids. Then I find out one exists when he’s about to turn 10. Did my best with him, he’s in his 20s now.

    So knowing both, I don’t think I missed anything other than time and money I could’ve spent on myself

  6. Father of an adult daughter, here. Yeah, I am an awesome dad, lets get that out of the way.

    Society seems to shame men (and women, too) who consciously decide not to have children. Ultimately, the decision is yours, & please don’t let anyone shame you for deciding how to live your life.

    There are already far too many parents out there who had no business having children!

    Be well!

  7. my brother had kids and then died when they were infants, the mother is flakey so im fully expecting to have to look after them at some stage, does that count? honestly the idea of not having kids of my own doesnt bother me that much i would like to but as i watched my friends reproduce, divorce and then deal with the situation of having kids with someone they despise i have become wary. i def do not want that. im probably over thinking it and should just be in the moment more then again meh

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