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My boyfriend doesn’t have any friends and says that’s just how guys are after their mid twenties. Is he right? I feel like I can’t be his only friend.

My boyfriend doesn’t have any friends and says that’s just how guys are after their mid twenties. Is he right? I feel like I can’t be his only friend.

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42 Comments

  1. >Ok so follow up, how do I convince him that he should want to have friends?

    This is the wrong question. DO NOT try to change other people’s personalities.

    If he relies on you too much for **your** liking, then tell him that. You need some space away from him, so if he wants to have company, he should have more options that you.

    If he actually does want friends but doesn’t know how to get them at this point, that’s something you could support him with.

    But if both of you are happy the way things are going, there’s absolutely no reason to change anything just because that’s “right” or “healthy” (EDIT)

  2. Friends are over rated for some, if he is happy, then his truth is his reality. I get where your coming from, however men are problem solvers, if he isn’t trying to solve anything , there might not be a problem

  3. After college any new friendships are basically through shared activities. I’m a musician so I’ve made several friends playing in bands and being in the scene. Then there are people I kayak with or bike with or go urban exploring with, or just drinking buddies who like shooting pool. Typically the friends are the people that occupy at least two of the same things I do.

    If he doesn’t have any friends it means he didn’t maintain any of his friends from school and doesn’t have any social hobbies. Which isn’t too uncommon today. A lot of guys spend a lot of time playing video games and watching netflix instead of being social. There are some dudes I know who’s only friends are whoever their girlfriend or wife happen to be friends with. It’s not uncommon, but I personally think it’s troublesome for a lot of dudes these days.

  4. I’m 29 with several good friends. I believe you have to actively work at keeping friendships going at this point. But social media has made it a lot easier, without messenger and ig I dont think I would still be friends with most these people.

  5. I’ve got a larger friend group, but it’s different today then it was when i was under 21(25 now). We see eachother every now and then. We still talk over the phone but we’re not partying and drinking/smoking like we did when we were younger. We’re growing up, it has nothing to do with the bond we had(have).

    The older I get the more I realized many of the friendships in highschool and after were built upon drinking and partying. I don’t share as many common goals and interests as some of them do now. I’m looking to build foundation for a good future and retirement. My closest friends are doing the same exact thing.

    We’re at an age where our dreams and aspirations are something we can finally accomplish.

    I don’t need to see them once a week or once a month to make sure we’re still friends. At the end of the day my “best” friend group is around 5 people. 2 of them are married, one of them is getting married, 2 are single going through school, and I’m engaged to my beautiful fiance.

    If I call any one of them and say I’m in trouble with the law, or I’m depressed etc, they would be at my house in minutes. Some are across the country from me, and I know that they’d take a plane to come and help me if it was needed. I would do the same for them without questions asked.

    ​

    I can’t speak on your boyfriends behalf, but this is very common among the men around me.

  6. The only friends I have live thousands of miles away. I have lots of work buddies but don’t rise to to the level of what I’d consider a real friend.

    My social life is almost 100% my fiancé and my children.

  7. Two assumptions are being made.

    1. By you, that not having a friends is unhealthy. It’s perfectly fine as long as he’s fine with it.
    2. By him, that he’s experience is typical. Everyone has different social needs. There’s no right answer.

    Don’t try to change him, let him do his thing and be supportive. If he wants friends, then be supportive.

  8. There is no such thing as normal. People choose to live however they want. Perhaps at some point you could suggest he joined a hobby group where he could meet people but if he’s happy with the way things are and he isn’t being a burden on you for it then just accept it.

  9. Depends on how demanding he is on which people he calls “friends”.

    I know a lot of men through my hobbies, they’re nice people but I barely see them outside of our meetings and hangouts and thy’re not the kind we share more personal information outside of our common interests. They’re not the kind I’ll rely on in hard times or the kind I’ll share personal stuff. It’s even worse in work, where most of my coworkers are female and totally incompatible with me.

    I don’t think it’s incorrect to say that most men are like this after my mid-20s. From my POV, we’ve had our fair share of social turmoil and we learn that not everyone is to be trusted. I’ve greatly reduced my circle of friendship to 1 or 2 people, but I’ll surely give my life for them.

  10. Not everyone is blessed with good friends and family. And as we get older we tend to notice the difference more. As long as he shows he values them (when he has them) then you dont have much to worry about.

    But there is likely some trust issues there.. I am the same. From the age of around 35 I dropped all the fake people in my life and turned my life around 180%!

  11. 30 y/o male, can confirm. Unless you’re a particularly social person, which most men are not, friendships have a tendency to slow down. I live across the street from my best befriend and we hangout rarely.

  12. My husband likes nothing better than to be alone. He tolerates me, lol, but is glad for my cadre of friends to keep me happy and not relying on him all the time. He calls colleagues his friends but never socializes. I have 5 friends whose husbands are also like this.

  13. that’s very normal, i only have acquaintances no friends and i am totally fine, not much guys care about that

    don’t make it sounds like a problem with your man

  14. literally never underestimate how broken modern men are.

    ​

    no male role models at home or in school.

    no part of society that uplifts or supports you.

    women mostly disregard our outright despise you.

    ​

    depressed shells.

  15. It’s not uncommon. Most guys hang out with people from school and so lose their circles when they stop going to school.

    I’ve got a big circle of good friends but we’re well aware we’re the exception, not the norm.

    If he doesn’t have friends, he could always join your circles. That’s a step for him to make though. Can’t really teach people how to make friends.

  16. I wouldn’t say he’s right or wrong but it’s pretty common. I’m in my mid-twenties as well and I have two best buds who I’ve had since high school and a few work buddies as well. But I haven’t really made any close or deep friendships since my college years and it’s not looking good from here on out.

    Don’t think you have to change him though. I’m very happy spending my day to day life with my SO and hanging with buddies here and there.

    Hell my dad growing up never had a single friend in his life. My mom had tons of friends and he would tag along and hang with the dads but he never had his own circle and he was a happy guy.

  17. She’s going to push the dude to get more friends, he’s going to get a female friend, and then she will be on her posting about how she can get her man to not spend time with his female friend. lol

  18. Absolutely not true. 44 year old man here with at least 15 guys that I’d call really good friends. Some of them I’ve known since high school. Technology has made it really easy to keep up with people.

  19. Depends on the situation, I moved to a different country after high school, and with a heavy university workload, then actual work later on it was pretty hard to find friends for a long time, I just wasn’t in the right settings

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