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Men who were raised by single moms; what things did your mom do to make sure you didn’t feel like you were missing out?

I’m about to be a single mom (still pregnant and just found out it’s a boy). What can I do to make sure my son turns out okay besides having strong male figures in his life.

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20 Comments

  1. I didn’t realize I missed anything at all until I saw my peers interact with their fathers and have two parents in their lives. It’s like seeing a foreign language being spoken in front of you.

  2. I’m a single mom with two boys. This is what I did:

    Enrolled them in Big Brothers (they both had male mentors)

    I gave them man chores and tried my best to learn how to do it with them. Fixing the dishwasher, mowing the lawn, fixing my son’s car. If we couldn’t figure it out, I asked male friends to help out. They were happy to help.

    We spent family time on the weekends at least once a week doing something requiring physical exertion. Cycling, hiking, swimming, skiing, snowboarding, skating. Boys love that stuff and it helps them to develop their physical strength.

    We also engage in debates about math, science and politics regularly LOL

    Idk if I’m doing things right but you gotta give me some points for effort.

  3. Can’t really tell tbh, but I would get him some father figures, I remember I liked a comic book, felt the main character was the kind of men I wanted to be. Besides that my grampa meant a lot, the first years of my life I spent a lot of time with him. Then my mum met my step dad and that helped too.

  4. SPORTS!!! If you’re missing a male at home, growing up with sports gets that male energy up. MMA, Rugby, Football, Basketball will get him the energy needed. But as far as life lessons go, I think a single mom can teach what needs to be taught. Everything else he will find out for himself or online

  5. I was raised by my mom and my siblings. I’m pretty much the oops child where everyone is like 20 years older than me. I never really felt like I missed out. I never really saw the point, the more parents or parental figures you have, the more fucking annoying everything becomes. Everything starts being a big fucking deal for no reason. So I really would have liked to have even less parental figures.

  6. I dont think she did much…. she worked alot, and in was with my grandma…. I definitely was always with her until she married my stepdad when I was 9.

    And that’s kinda where I started seeing diffrent things, but in the sense of my stepfather was a a POS(i would see how my uncle would interact with my cousin and actually be apart of, and stepfather who heavily favored his 2 children would just watch TV all day).

    The real kicker is, I became exactly like my stepfather and didnt not realize it at all….. Geeze.

  7. You can’t. My mother probably tried, but failed, because it’s impossible. You can’t replace what fathers (good ones) can offer their children. Don’t waste energy on it. Do you have brothers? Maybe an uncle can be involved. Also there’s usually programs where you can get mamentor types (depending on your country maybe).

  8. I’m a single Mum to a 9 year old son, his Dad died when he was 2. We joined Scouts, I was a Beaver leader for 3 years, am a Cub leader now for going on my second year. We both love it! It’s not a good fit for every kid but it’s been great for both of us.
    You got this. You will know your child and what suits him or have fun trying different things in the process of figuring it out.
    I’m not going to lie, there are hard moments. Parenting is challenging for everyone, full stop. But there’s awesome parts to being a solo parent too. My son and I have an amazing connection because it’s been just the two of us for so long, which would be different if anyone else was in the equation. If you can find an antenatal group that was a lifesaver for me, my son and I both made friends and connections for life in my antenatal group, we met at least weekly the first year. Plus they were an amazing support for all things baby, especially at the start. I’d recommend finding an antenatal/Mom-and-baby group to anyone.

  9. Mom was as loving as she could be but unfortunately I still felt at times I was missing out. It’s all good though, im 39 now and feel I’m doing a great job as a father. Just be as supportive as you can be. No need to look for a man to be his father figure.

  10. Love him. I had a dad but he was very rarely around and it wasn’t great when he was. I look back on what my mom did and she helped me explore what I wanted to as a kid whether it be finding bugs or as I got older archery and fishing. She seemed to allow me to be a boy in the way a dad would with letting me get away with certain things from time to time. Even the “be a man part”. I’d say the middle school age is when I gave the most push back not wanting to be around her and embarrassed by everything she did. So I def was a real asshole then. Also when you do start seeing a guy really tread around that carefully especially if they’re old enough to know what’s going on it’s really confusing lol

  11. Not directly, but by observations…

    She taught me how to fight for character with proper work ethics.

    She taught me adults aren’t perfect, and its not only OK, but actually needed for differing generations to work together.

    She taught me how to keep my family together in today’s world.

    She showed me no one is perfect.

    …and that doesn’t excuse lack of respect.

  12. I hope we get more positive examples in here, its a great question. It’s looking a little bleak right now. My Mom, she tried for a while, but it just got to her, she wasn’t able to cope with 2 boys to take care of. I would say its just good to introduce the kids to good role models in general, teaching morals, life skills, interpersonal skills, finance skills and life plannng are important I’d suggesting meeting the kids’ teachers and try to find a healthy learning environment when they get a bit older. Keep in touch with friends and family members who can be a good influence, I always loved seeing my eldest Uncle. Lead by example, any good or bad habit you may have will be twice as evident to a child with one parent. My mom always discussed health with us. Get them involved with handiwork/chores/exercise from a young age and if you have time, engage with their interests they develop, my mom wasn’t a fan of sports, which would be fine, but she always wasn’t interested in reading, media or games. Spending more time with her with things I enjoyed would have meant the world to me. Especially be honest about any restrictions you may have in what you can provide and try to raise kids thats are not consumeristic. It had to figure out budgeting on my own and was deftly afraid of spending for some time, and was also afraid of taking on too much responsibility like juggling a job while studying, I was hoping for encouragement and emotional support in these areas. Especially look for pre-owned goods and allow external support whenever you can. As a kid I certainly never cared where clothes/toys/books came from but I was sad if I couldn’t go on trips at school. I enjoyed home prepared meals when mum had time too, she was good on nutrition, in that regard I always felt very cared for. Discipline can be hard with only 1 parent, you may have to be comfortable being the villain at times, timeouts and stern talking toos are important as kids dont always listen, of course calmly explaining why actions are bad and how they impact others are very important. I definately appreciated a guiding hand. There are some people (sarcastically?) saying they are glad their Mom’s beat them, obviously thats bad. I’ve seen single mums getting in relationships for financial (and emotional) support, which is unfortunate if the man doesn’t treat their new family very well (as evident in these comments). The choice between food/rent support and a healthy environment for a child is certainly a hard one to make. Not that it will be relevant to you. At the end of the day, meeting the hierarchy of needs is what matters most, food/shelter/hygiene/social interaction and self-actualization are the most important. As long as you and your child can appreciate the little things and have a desire to help themselves and others everything will turn out well.

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