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Men who were mentally weak before,how did you develop mental resilience?

I am 22-Male.I have always been easily intimidated by other people and circumstances .I freak out if I have a small problem (e.g:When missing a bus or a test,some stranger yells at me,when I talk to my teachers,when a call comes during). I am soon going to start my own company but I am not mentally prepared to handle other people or sudden problems (which are very common in startups). So I want to become mentally strong before starting a company. How should I go on about it? ( I have started talking to strangers every day.)

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9 Comments

  1. You have to voluntarily do something that scares you more than anything you would typically experience in life.

    That willingness to face something that challenges you so much will sit in your mind as a place marker of your capabilities and you’ll realise how insignificant many of those things life throws at you really are.

  2. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

    If that questions doesn’t touch on the things that really matter – a roof over your head, food on the table, your health and happiness – then there should be no reason to be afraid.

  3. What kind of company are you starting?

    Overall, Id say it is mostly about practice. The first time you get yelled at, you might get shacken. The 20th time, you wont even care. Accept the fact you will have to deal with new challenges you are not used to and focus on learning and getting better.

    You are fairly young. You will build up your confidence as you grow in experience. It is just a matter of time and exposure.

  4. I’ll quote myself from elsewhere:

    Mindset and mindfulness.

    I’m not about to tell you that problems exist only in your mind because that factually is not true. Shit happens that is out of your control. Events, other people, god damn pandemics. All that stuff is outside of you, external.

    What you can learn to control is the internal. You can never truly control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. This is easier said than done, and something I find myself working on every day.

    When something happens to you, examine how it makes you feel. The famous stoic example is that of a favourite cup breaking. There is no reason to lose your mind, as part of the nature of the cup is that it can break. If you get very very upset about it, it is because you had inaccurate expectations about the cup, namely that it would never break.

    The same can be said of road rage due to traffic. Part of the nature of driving is other people on the road making poor decisions, or just existing. Getting angry about it is like getting angry because the sun is yellow, or that the wind is blowing.

    Stoicism in general has gotten a bad rap due to, imo, misunderstanding what it is. It isn’t being emotionless, or not feeling things, it’s about not getting carried away by your emotions in an unhealthy way.

  5. This may sound counterintuitive…but start going to a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym and learn BJJ. You can Google how/why this would help with “mental” or “emotional” issues, but it’s best summed up by a quote from Fight Club: “After fighting, everything else in your life has the volume turned down. You could deal with anything.”

    Here’s the same concept explained more at length:

    [https://medium.com/this-life-we-live/after-fighting-everything-else-in-life-gets-the-volume-turned-down-9fafec2e6c5b](https://medium.com/this-life-we-live/after-fighting-everything-else-in-life-gets-the-volume-turned-down-9fafec2e6c5b)

  6. You just gotta throw yourself into the fire, you’ll probably sink a few times till you learn to swim. You can mentally prepare yourself all you want but the only way to get over it is to go through it

  7. I felt the same in my teens so I got into karate.

    And later on when I followed my passions and became extremely skilled, I rather intimidate people with a small talk, I don’t intend to, but just happens to be the by product.

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