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Men who had no success with dating/relationships until later in life, what changed?

The reason I ask is because at 26 years old I’ve had zero romantic experience. Dating apps result in virtually zero matches, and in person it’s hard to meet people I would be interested in through work/friends/etc. Don’t really know how to begin. Otherwise the rest of my life is going fine.

Not sure if other men have gone through something similar and if so, what they did to turn things around.

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8 Comments

  1. For me, it was going outside my comfort zone and making myself talk to people more and get more interested in people in general. People, not just girls. I had to force myself to interact more with people, try to get to know them better, ask questions and learn about them. It was very awkward at first, full of weird silences and many times I asked weird questions that made people look at me funny. But, with practice you learn how to do this and eventually you may even enjoy it, in the process getting to know people well enough to create a relationship with them.

    I feel you. It is tough, and it will only get tougher as you grow older, so I suggest you start as soon as you can. You can do this, man, I did and so did many other men. Best of luck to you!

  2. I was a fairly late bloomer, mid-late 20s. This was right when the iPhone came out, so online dating wasn’t an option as far as I knew.

    But probably the biggest change was what other people here are saying: you have to put yourself out there. I was shy, and too self conscious. I can see it clearly now, but then it was harder to see, I felt like I was trying, but I wasnt really, I was trying to live in my safe bubble. I was always hoping for things to just work out with girls, like a girl at a party would start talking to me and THEN I’d be ok. I never took the first move. I was so concerned of being rejected or coming off like a creep. But I can tell you, it’s far worse watching someone pass by your life, and you never did anything and they’re gone. That you blew an opportunity. Surely you have regrets like that? But the pain of trying and failing is so much less. Because you know you did what you could and it didn’t work out.

    I was about your age and I made a conscious decision to start getting to know a girl I liked. I had never talked to her before, she didn’t even know I existed. This was not easy for me, as I didn’t really ever have a legit reason to even talk with her, and she was ALWAYS in a group, and I won’t bore you with the details, but we went from nothing to going out (took months to get to that point). And i can tell you the biggest “win” for me was pushing myself through the fear and doing what I was so afraid of: putting myself out there. I felt so good after going through that period that I didn’t care so much about the result (which ended up favourable, and we’re still friends, and I’m friends with her family, over a decade later). It was honestly a turning point in many areas of my life. I got so much better about losing a lot of my shyness over that time, as I worked more at it. At work, in groups, you name it. Maybe this isn’t your issue, but I’m just telling you my story, and after that point I was continually dating until I got married. Felt like there was just so many opportunities.

    Also, while I was single, once I got to my mid 20s I worked hard to have hobbies, read, do things that someone would be interested in talking about and activities that other people would want to be a part of. I joined groups where I would be in contact with other people. It took time, but you make connections, not just for dating, but just other fun people. I would just show up for say a bike ride, or a hike, or a book club, groups I could find in town who welcomed new people, just solo so I couldn’t stick with a friend, and it forced me to get out of my bubble.

    I was initially so focused on getting my foot in the door with girls when I was younger, that even if I had the courage at say 22, I would not necessarily have been a fun date.

  3. I was in the same boat at that age. What I had to offer was not what early 20’s girls were interested in. Nerdy, overweight, premature balding, introverted. My high school was small
    And had a major gender imbalance. My university program was all dudes. Course load was gruelling and I just played video games when I had free time. Very early days of online dating so not a large dating market. Eventually I had more luck once I got to the age when people started looking to get married and are thinking more long term. That’s when my caring, kind, intelligent, and good career prospects became valuable. It’s also the time when I started making a decent income.

  4. My confidence. And not desperately wanting a partner. Wanting someone for the sake of wanting someone isn’t attractive and women can tell.

    As soon as I just focused on what I wanted and do my son thing people started to have interest and be more receptive to me in that way.

  5. Bro go to the gym 6 times a week for a month buy you some nice threads and car. Ask every girl you talk to if they are intrested in a date sometime get rejected a bunch till you find the lonely one. Ask everyone you know if they know anyone looking. If you don’t go fishing you will never caught a fish!

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