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Men who grew up without a male role model, what would you want your significant other to know about how it’s affected your dating life?

My relationship is new and he opened up about not having any male figures in his life. I’m trying to get a better sense of what kind of impact that would have on us as a couple. What would you want your significant other to know about how it’s affected you?

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7 Comments

  1. he has basically had to teach himself from the get go. he has had to learn how to be his own best friend, cheer squad, motivator etc. he hasnt had experiance to draw from. he has had to learn from mistakes and past failures.

    if he doesnt ask you to do something don’t be offended. he is just used to doing it himself.

  2. Shit, you just hit me with contemplation fir the day. I honestly don’t know what I would say, as the role models in my life weren’t exactly by-the-book. I am still trying to figure out if a girl would even WANT to be with a guy with little family. I would be starting a new generation… who the fuck am I to be doing that.

  3. [Answer in brackets]
    (Tangent in whatever these are called.)

    I had a horrible step dad who did far more than abuse us, and I was raised by my mom.

    I’d go into more detail on the abuse but I’ve done it a few times now and it’s exhausting.

    Anyway it used to have the effect that I, as a man, grew into a man hater. That passed because I’m a thinker, and it made no sense.

    [Now I’d say that the only true way that it has effected my relationship with my wife, is that I would never want to be anything like him. I have so much respect for my mother, and I have that same respect for my wife.]

    Also, through my mother, I grew up without a large part of the societal expectancies that men generally experience.

    (In my mind for example, I find it strong to cry, or be willing to come out as gay, or to do anything that people might judge you for.

    The way I see it, hiding yourself because of fear of judgment cannot be more indicative of strength than showing your true colors and facing your judges. )

  4. My dad was a piece of shit. He always tried to use me to get back at my mother. Couldn’t get custody so he would slash her tires or call the cops. Finally they had to give he weekends. He picks me up then goes bar crawling with his junky girlfriend all night. Flash forward I’m 8 and I’m sitting on the front porch waiting for daddy to pic me up. An hour goes by mom walks out and asks me to come in I don’t think he’s coming buddy. I’m optimistic so I wait. Another hour goes by nothing. Another then another. Finally the sun starts to go down I come back in crying. I learned from a young age you can’t rely on others so you have to just do things by yourself. I’ve always tried to be the opposite of him but I will always be my dad’s son.

  5. It hasn’t affected my dating life at all. I never knew anything different to compare it to. Sounds like he’s just using it fishing for consolation over whatever. Just hug him.

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