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Men who got cheated on, how do you found out?

Also, how do you cope it afterwards?

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36 Comments

  1. Locked because of brigading/outsiders posting with an agenda/not being cool.

    Those of you giving sincere answers are cool, but sometimes we can’t have nice things because of assholes.

  2. I found one single bottle cap on the stairs. I had been at work, and my (now ex) wife had been out of town working for days. I didn’t have a beer all week and certainly didn’t take any upstairs. So at first I was a little unnerved that someone may have been in our house. I called the wife and got no answer. I thought I might check with her Mom because those two are in constant contact. Her Mom seemed unusually uncomfortable answering questions. A couple minutes after we hung up my wife finally called. I immediately knew something was up. She hadn’t checked her story well enough with her Mom and I called her out on it. She had been home and was heading out for a weekend with some guy. That one bottle cap gave it all away.

  3. Her friend messaged me with screenshots of messages and pictures of her and some other guy who lived by her. I worked out of town so she had opportunity.

    Coped by being alone and getting better boundaries through good therapy.

  4. She said she was working late. I went to surprise her with coffee and there they were canoodling in the same Tim Hortons I was at. Absolute fluke. They didn’t see me as I was going through the drive through. I parked and called her, which she ignored.

    They actually got married, had two kids, and subsequently divorced. Then she looked me up on Facebook. Karmic justice, I guess.

  5. Came home early from work one day and noticed her flip flops downstairs at the neighbors house, didn’t think too much of it as our downstairs neighbors were our dear friends..

    She came up shortly afterwards and explained that she was helping with something.

    Later that night, argument downstairs, he took off and left, he texted me apologizing for sleeping with my girlfriend. Never seen him again.
    Yes, we broke up after that.

  6. I went to a comedy show with a friend and then to a bar afterword. My gf knew all this and had called me hours before telling me goodnight like she always did and saying she was going to bed cause she worked early. So yeah, go to the show then go to a bar, leaving the bar as I’m literally opening the door she is walking in with another dude. She just stands there with a deer in the headlight look and I ask her what’s going on, she just says she has to piss and walks right past me. Never spoke to her again or saw her. She never contacted me to explain. 5 years wasted

  7. My ex was out on a date and didn’t notice my friend was at the same bar. She tried to argue that she was just hanging out with an old friend but the pics my friend sent me told a different story.

  8. She told me the first time. Cried her heart out and I accepted the apology and didn’t leave her even though we had a very rough patch. She did it again almost 2 years later and I found out because she asked for an open relationship. Sirens went off in my head and the dots connected. I left her, and not even two weeks later they were dating.

    I had a mental break but after I calmed down I focused on myself. Gym, friends, also met a wonderful woman that helped me become who I am now. Life gets better always.

  9. I was working or of town.

    Called my wife in the morning and she was very short with me. Didn’t hear from her the rest of the day. Odd behavior.

    Later that night she texted me and asked if I still over her. I called her and she was crying, said she wasn’t doing well. Got in my car and started heading home. Six hour drive. It was already late in the day but I was so damn worried. My thought was that she was going to hurt herself.

    A couple of hours into the drive and I started getting messages from someone through FB messenger that I didn’t know.
    They had let me know that she went home with another guy the night before.
    I was on the phone with the wife while I was getting the messages.

    I just asked her.

    She broke down and confessed.

    I was so goddamn devastated. I experienced complete complete brokenness and absolute rage.

    This was over to three years ago and I’m still not quite right.
    A major belief system in me collapsed and will never be the same.

    The feelings of love, whatever those actually are, no longer work in me. I have to reassess what love actually might be.

    From the outside, looking in to myself, a piece of my is glad that I am no longer so naive, but I mourn that loss of my blissful innocence.

    I was a pretty toxic person to be around for a couple of years after.
    I was looking for confirmation that I was a worthy person, while treating others in a shitty way.

    Validation is a helluva drug for the heart broken.

    I still struggle in trying to seperate the value of myself versus how others perceive me, but I’ve done a lot of work and am getting better.

    These days I focus on myself and live a mostly fulfilling life.

    Memories like these are difficult for me to think about and type, but it’s probably therapeutic.

  10. Her little sister told me,the sadness in her voice made it worse because she saw me as her older brother since her actual one was a pice of shit

    Edit the little sister and I don’t talk anymore I wish I did but it is what it is

  11. She was acting very different. Had access to her phone records, was able to find a number i didn’t know being called for hours at a time. A little searching turned up a name and then the truth came out. Cope with it? Still dealing from the fallout a year later. It’s horrible and have lost my faith in most people and things.

  12. I was always trusting my wife, but one time she asked me what I think about opening our relationship. That was a shock for me. But I decided to think about it and went online to read how it works. Few comments suggested that if she’s asking to open, she’s probably cheating already. I went to her email and everything was there. She was meeting dudes from craigslist (back when they had personals section). I also checked her location history on Google timeline and turned out she’s cheating like crazy. I would have never guessed. Like going to a hotel for a fuck before work. Or when she would tell she’s meeting girls, but would take off early and visit somebody. That’s wild. And she seemed like a nice and honest person, still can’t process this thing.

  13. Was married and in the military at the time. I found out my wife was pregnant. She told me she was 16 weeks, went to the doctor with her and they said she was only 12 weeks. I asked the doc to reconfirm how far along she was and he was 100% she was only 12 weeks. Which means there was no way that kid was mine because that 12 weeks meant I was gone and out of town for training with the military and no way was it possible it was my kid. She tried to tell me the doc was lying and he didn’t know what he was talking about and was adamant she was 16 weeks.

    A few days later I came home from work and told her I ran into one of her good friends who told me she (my now ex wife) cheated and was lying. In reality, I lied to my then wife about running into her friend who told me. But the particular friend I mentioned was one who would not and could not ever lie about anything, so it made sense for me to mention her. The wife eventually confessed she cheated and the kid was not mine. I gave her a 60 day notice to move out or I would just break the lease and move elsewhere.

    But being in the military she called my command and lied about some things. My command automatically took her side without having all the facts (the military sucks with things like this). So now, not only was I dealing with being married to someone who got pregnant by someone else, I was also in hot water with the military. The military tried to say I had to pay her alimony, spousal support and blah, blah. Because we were married the military tried to say I was not allowed to kick her out and had to continue to support her. Of course I fought back on that, so not only did my home environment because stressful and toxic, but now my workplace was also becoming the same. It was at the moment I decided the military was not for me. I paid a bunch of money for a lawyer to fight a case which I felt I should not have had to do in the first place.

    I went through hell fighting for roughly six months with lawyers, the military, my ex wife. After the divorce I was in a dark place for a while because of what happened with her and the military. I ended up going to counseling which I’m glad it did, because I felt I was losing it for various reasons.

  14. It was on 9/11. We were watching the towers fall and she got a call which led to her having to leave right away. WTF? Questions led to answers and she left the house for the last time. It was the final straw in a 12+ year relationship (3 year marriage). I was torn up for awhile and really wanted to know what led to her hidden relationship. She said that she would only tell me with a therapist present – so we went to a therapist (yeah yeah but I really wanted to know). Once there, I listened to her list off various reasons, only one of which stuck with me…. She took a walk around SF and came across a sidewalk message – “be free.” I literally laughed out loud and walked out.

  15. My gf was having a hard time making friends for some reasons. One day, she (19) started talking with some collegue (M45). I was not suspecting anything, that guy had 2 childs from a previous marriage and 1 with his current wife.

    One day, that dude water tank broke off. My gf asked me if I could go and help him since he hurt his back recently, and couldn’t afford a professionnal. So I went there, changed the whole damn thing by myself, and went back home with my gf. In the car, she felt guilty and told me everything. How they’ve been fucking together in a crappy motel, how they’ve been together for a solid 6 months, and that she gave him a blowjob while I was fixing the water tank. I dropped her at her mom’s place and told her to never call again.

  16. This happened about 15 years ago now. I got a call from my girlfriend’s dad asking me to come talk to him. Since they lived a block away, I went over and met him.

    He let me know that he had given her the ultimatum when he found out, either she tells me or he would. She agreed to come clean and tell me, he didn’t believe her and waited a few days before telling me.

    He didn’t justify her actions in any way and he didn’t villify her at all either, he laid the details out quite plainly and talked through my pain and frustration with me. He was a good man.

  17. I met my ex after her ex broke up with her. After they split, he just wanted to be a FWB, and she turned him down. Apparently, she still had feelings for him, because she eventually got back together with him a few months later, and told all of her friends we had broken up.

    4 fucking months of dating both of us later, I get a text in the middle of the night from her ‘ex’ telling me he’d seen the nudes she’d sent me a few days before and figured it out. Told me he was breaking up with her and I should do the same.

    Don’t know if he actually broke it off with her – but I did.

    Edit: Edited for clarity.

  18. Well I had suspicions for several months. One day I came home early to surprise her with flowers and found her fucking my friend. That’s what really gave it away.

    Alcohol, lots of alcohol.

  19. Had a few people text me screenshots of text conversations with her where she admitted what she was doing. I texted her to ask if it was true, because I thought my friends were making some kind of joke, and she didn’t respond and started avoiding me at all costs.

    Coping with it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, because I didn’t get any closure. And there wasn’t a single big thing that helped me work past my issues, but the turning point was definitely when I stopped blaming myself.

  20. Marriage ended when she was completing a course by distance learning and was at an out-of-town block course leaving me and the kids at home. She had a Whatapps study group that included some guys. No big deal. But while she was away I got a alert from Uber at 6.30am one morning “Your recovery code is xxxx”. Uber isnt common in our country and is only in a few cities – the city she was in being one of them. I had set up an Uber account for her two years prior using my details as a recovery contact. I couldnt figure out why she would need an uber so early when she had accommodation and planned to walk to the classes. I texted her and she was slightly annoyed and claimed to know nothing so I went down that rabbit hole. Of course it was because she wasn’t at her own accommodation. I will point out that the marriage was shaky because she had problems with a family business going wrong.

    I got very fit in the six months following. The divorce was hard mentally because I’d brought 95% of the assets into the relationship, she’d spent a lot of it, and then we had to split 50% of what was left. I came out with about 40% of what I went into it with and that made me very bitter. Then the ex moved overseas, tried to take the kids and I became a single Dad. I drank quietly but heavily then. Now I’m okay.

  21. First time: She outright told me. She said she felt guilty about it. Not so guilty that she chose not to cheat on me. But guilty enough to tell me about it after the fact.

    Second time (different girl): I was planning to move in with a girl. Afaik, everything was cool. She even brought some of her stuff over to my house. Not much, but a little. Three days later, she called me and dumped me. Eventually, I reasoned that she must have randomly bumped into an ex, The One That Got Away, one thing led to another and boom, there’s your infidelity. So, she dumped me for him. When she got dumped six months later and tried to come crawling back to me, she confirmed my theory. I thanked her, laughed at her misfortune and told her go fuck herself.

    Third time (different girl): She cheated on me with another girl, her best friend. Honestly, I’d always had my suspicions about those two. I wouldn’t categorize either of them as “bisexual”. Because neither of them showed interest in other girls. But they both seemed *very* curious each other. My ex said that when they were home alone together in high school, they both would usually get undressed and sit very close to each other, put their arms on the other’s shoulder, etc. When I was seeing my ex, they hugged each other a bit longer than they hugged anyone else. They touched each other more often (and longer) than they touched anyone else. One time, I swear the friend copped a feel on my ex (one hand on my ex’s boob and the other hand on my ex’s butt) and my ex seemed very into it. Because of all that, I was convinced that they’d hooked up a few times before I was in the picture. But my ex swore up and down that the first time they slept together was after we started dating. I don’t see why she’d lie about that while admitting to cheating on me so I guess I choose to believe her. In the end, what gave them away was when they hugged each other and they both nearly kissed and I realized they’d finally crossed the line together. Yes, I dumped her on the spot.

  22. Her phone went off as I walked by it. I glanced at it and it was a name I didn’t recognize. I unlocked the phone and started reading their texted thread. Stumbled upon a text that said “When can I taste you again?” Her response was “I don’t know but hopefully soon.” This was my first time going through her phone and I had my reasons. Maybe a month prior to this incident, she was showing me something on her phone and a notification came in and she kinda jumped/flinched. That was a flag. So, when that text came through, my gut was screaming to look at it. Glad I did.

  23. A year and a half into our relationship I was struggling with depression and as a result we were fighting a lot. One day after a fight she texted me and suggested that I stay at my parents house because she was hanging out with friends and didn’t want me there. I asked her if we could talk about it and she said that we could talk the next day, and then shut her phone off. This was very unlike her, she always kept her phone on. Something felt off so after sitting on it for a couple of hours I left my parents house and went home. I turned my lights off before I came up the driveway and let myself into the house. As soon as I opened the door I heard a mutual friend shout “oh fuck” and then the two of them got off the couch completely nude.

    I started crying while she put clothes on and then we went downstairs to talk about it while my “friend” sat on the couch. She tried to blame me for her cheating because my antidepressants made it hard for me to get off and therefore that somehow apparently made it okay to fuck somebody else. I started yelling and my “friend” came downstairs. I heard him coming and met him on the stairs. He started going off about how he was going to treat her better than I ever could and then this mother fucker said “come on, I know you want to hit me, do it”. I swung as hard as I could and connected with his jaw. He grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me down onto the staircase and then punched me in the back of the head repeatedly. My now ex was screaming at him to stop but he continued to bash my head into the floor until I lost consciousness. I woke up on the stairs alone, no idea what they were doing but I ran out to my car as fast as I could and got the fuck out of there.

    I ended up with a severe concussion and couldn’t work for over a month. Thankfully my employer was understanding and I didn’t lose my job. As a result of the incident I ended up spiraling and after a suicide attempt was placed in a mental health ward for my own protection. I got on medications that helped me, ended up blocking her number and I haven’t spoken to her for over 6 years. The whole incident left me with trust issues and I’ve been emotionally incapable of dating ever since.

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