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men, what is something that men experience and seen as “normal” but is actually toxic/shouldn’t be as commonly accepted as it is?

men, what is something that men experience and seen as “normal” but is actually toxic/shouldn’t be as commonly accepted as it is?

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34 Comments

  1. I think men, or at least certain groups of us, are conditioned to take a LOT of shit from our wives/girlfriends. My wife is awesome but I’ve seen a lot of guys in what I see as clearly awful relationships with manipulative if not outright emotionally abusive women and if you try to broach the subject they just shrug like “that’s how relationships are”.

    I don’t say that to minimize things like abuse rates and I won’t engage in “who’s the bigger victim” whataboutism, I’m just pointing out something toxic that I’ve personally seen a lot of men just accept.

  2. Just to mention a few points:
    – wanting us to be a provider without being a complete workaholic
    – wanting as to be tough and hard and then complain abouit how we are emotionless
    – dating us and then try to change every single bit of our personality that made us, us in the first place
    – playing stupid mind-games, like wanting us to read a girls mind

  3. That in domestic violence cases it is often a default that the man is taken away even if the woman is the aggressor.

    Also That you are somehow seen as the bad guy if you want a dna test to prove that your kid is actually yours.

  4. I’m not saying women in general are like this, but there’s definitely a huge imbalance going on between genders on breakups and publicly shitting on men when relationships don’t work.

    It’s like ‘wah wah, I have a vagina so I can play the emotional martyr that did nothing wrong here except be a poor, weak, defenseless woman that was completely taken advantage of by this big strong man’

    I see it all the time – the guy’s always a sociopath or a narcissist or whatever.

    And I’m sure there are valid points on both sides of this – I’m just saying that women seem to have this ‘free pass’ when it comes to failed relationship vendettas.

  5. Worst one I can think of (although, not sure how often it actually happens) is when men are expected to just take physical contact (I’m mainly referring to a hit of some kind here, of course) due to, what I assume is the fact that they are, naturally physically stronger. There is a video on the Internet (on YouTube, unsure of the name, I saw it on a Destiny stream) in which people tested to see how often strangers stopped when a woman was aggressing on a man compared to when a man was aggressing on a woman; I believe one person stopped for the man, I don’t remember how many stopped for the women but it was more than one.

    You can see examples of this in other videos as well, and even in the subbrisbanes that are full of fighting videos, wherein people react far more shocked when a man retaliates against a woman whilst not batting much of an eye as she aggressed on him.

    Again, I dunno how often it happens but the fact it happens at all is an issue.

  6. “Men DONT/CANT/ARENT !” and fill in the blank.
    Men don’t have feelings.
    Men can’t paint their nails.
    Men aren’t abused.
    Men can’t dye their hair.
    Men don’t do things like X or X.
    Men don’t go to beauty salons.
    The list sadly goes on.

  7. Having been in 2 back-to-back toxic relationships for basically almost 10 years…

    “Fighting is normal”

    No. No it is not. Debating and having small disagreements are fine but you shouldn’t be on edge when broaching a subject. You should be able to talk about sex (needs and wants), different parenting styles or money (the more important relationship aspects IMO) relatively safely. You shouldn’t dread bringing those subjects up.

  8. If a man is being beaten by his partner, and has tried to get help he will find, that there are few to no mens help centers that run in the states. He will be told “oh she’s smaller than you, you can take it”, complaints about emotional abuse are brushed off as men dont really feel emotions only hungry and horny.

    How about with divorce? Men get shafted in divorce court every year, of all marriages ~50% of them end in divorce, and 80% of them are filed by the female partner. Who often work less hours, work in lower paying positions, have to leave work if they want to start a family, and several other factors contribute to them earning less, and that means she’s the one who gets to demand the man working 40+ hours a week, not taking vacations in years, and struggling to improve themselves has to deal with a leech on their finances.

    Now coming from a home where I was raised by my mother who got child support from my father, I can say that’s a scam too. My father wanted to be involved in my life as much as any father, my mother didn’t need to take money from him, why did she do it? Because she felt it was a good dagger to drive into him when they where getting divorced. And thats not an uncommon story.

    The fact that school is designed for women because they can’t compete on the same level, and boys who then get bored as shit in classes geared towards teaching girls are medicated till they are empty puppets and diagnosed with every disorder under the sun that drains the soul out of them.

    That we can’t love our own kids without being seen as perverts or creeps, even worse if it’s an adopted child, and worse still if it’s an adopted child of a different race oh dear heavens above watch how fast you hear a Karen story about that one.

  9. Giving up porn because your girlfriend doesn’t like that you watch it, not being friends with/alone with women, shared social media, all that shit.

    All symptoms of the same issue:

    Accepting restrictions to accommodate a partner’s jealousy/insecurity instead of expecting them to fix their jealousy/insecurity.

  10. I think many men start throwing punches instead of trying to de-escalate or just walk away in a situation where they are being provoked.

    I was the same type of guy but definitely learned that fighting leads to nothing than trouble and many unnecessary brawls can be avoided with ease.

    I think that in some cultures it’s still accepted and seen as a man’s duty.

    Now don’t get me wrong. Self defence is always ok when you are being or about to be getting physically attacked.

  11. Being in a bad mood all the time. I’ve been in the trades long enough that its like “Fuck me, buddy, get a smile on or get lost”

    Every day, all day, for years at a time. It sucks working with people who couldn’t even begin to approach a good mood. I get that life gets rough, but some things have to be left at the door when you show up to the job.

  12. Standards you grow up with. Don’t show emotion, resolve a situation quickly. Don’t cry. Don’t show weakness. If someone fucks with you, you fuck with them. You gotta get “bitches” or you are worthless. Lose your virginity you loser. Something breaks in the house you gotta fix it yourself, what… Are you gonna call someone, pathetic!

    I needed years before I truly relaxed in front of my wife and I feel so much better for it, especially when it comes to my emotions and how I truly feel.

    Most men end up becoming abusive cause of this… You are literally raised to be toxic, a fucking psychopath in the making.

  13. Feminization of men as a good thing. Seems instead of positive masculinity like having fortitude. (Which is commonly miss interpreted as dont show emotion) We guide men to be effeminate which isn’t attractive and bad for society.

  14. The notion that women can’t and don’t cause harm to men because we statistically have more physical strength than them. Every man knows men who are mistreated by their partners but just chalk it up to “happy wife, happy life”

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