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Men that were raised by single mothers, how did it affect you? How’s your relationship with your mother as an adult?

I find that the older I get the more I resent my mother for how she treated me as a kid. She wasn’t necessarily physically abusive (although she would occasionally spank me with a wooden spoon for bad grades etc..) she was mentally abusive and it really %%%%ed me up. I’m in my early 30s and just barely finding success in life and dating after spending the last 10 years teaching myself how to be a man, how to interact with women, etc.. I just think about how she treated me when I was younger and can’t understand how someone could treat a child, especially they’re own child so cruelly.

A couple months ago she had a heart-attack scare and I visited her at the hospital. I felt almost nothing for her. It’s kind of %%%%ed up.. I’m just curious to know how other men raised by single mothers life’s have turned out. How’s your relationship with your mom as an adult?

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  1. I was raised by a single mother in a very low income household. She was unlucky throughout her life and faced a lot of hardships before she made it to canada as a refugee.

    I was fortunate enough to be born here, but I quickly understood our situation. Sometimes we clashed then I’d later realized she just wanted the best. As I got older the more I appreciated her and just recently I was able to achieve the promise I made to her when I was a kid.

    I always told her when I got older I’d finish school, get a good job and she will never have to work or stress since she deserves some peace after a rough life of hardships. Now I’m able to provide and our relationship is stronger.

    The only difficult thing about the relationship was people’s conception of living with parents but in my situation was my mom lived with me and nothing is going to change that. I made a promise and I intend to keep it so that made dating kinda rough at times

  2. I don’t talk to my mother unfortunately.

    She was abusive, played self victim, manipulating.

    I would always get beat for making minor mistakes like any kids would growing up but mine wasn’t severe mistakes since I was taught to behave certain way. (I’m Asian). Anyways, the beating got so bad that my own mother would place knives on my throat and say “we could just end everything here and now, I will kill you and then myself”. This happened frequently.

    I ran away when I was 16/17. We’ve had on and off relationship then but we stopped talking for 4 years here and 5 years there. She didn’t see me graduate HS or college. She didn’t want to.

    I’m 29 now and I don’t talk to her. My recent convo with her was when I was 27. She knows I’m doing well in life and would just talk to me just for money. She tries to credit herself for my upbringing and success. Mind you I was homeless when I ran away. She always called me the black sheep of the family, would never mount to anything and be a failure in life.

    I’m gonna be a father in few weeks… I don’t want that witch near my daughter. She treats my sisters kids bad. You think she’s just being a grand mother but behind closed doors she guilt trips them like she always does.

    I have so many stories but yeah I don’t talk to her.. In fact I hate her. To those who says “mothers are the best”, I’m sorry I don’t feel the same sentiment. Tbh I see it as a cringe.. but I guess I can blame that cuz of how I was brought up. My mother was never there. Physically here and there but emotionally? Never.

  3. Your relationship with your mom sounds very similar to mine. I too got spanked with a wooden spoon/ladle, but it was also mostly emotional abuse.

    Shortly before 30, I started realizing how many problems her upbringing had caused me. And she still treated me in a very similar way as an adult. Eventually, I identified it as abuse, and I confronted her multiple times. Every time I did, she would shift blame, deflect, gaslight me, etc. I realized that if I let myself be treated poorly, it will keep on impacting how I perceive myself, my own view of my value as a person will suffer, it will interfere with myself trying to set up healthy boundaries, etc.

    So, one day, I told her that because of this and her unwillingness to work it out, I’m done. I also told her that if she’s ever in a life threatening situation, she can turn to me.

    Since then, she has reached out a couple times, always denying everything and trying to guilt me into restarting the relationship. I didn’t. And it was an amazing choice. In the following years, I moved, pushed myself to grow and I have finally managed to establish healthy boundaries in my life, have an identity as a man, be happy with myself, and feel stable and satisfied.

    I also cut off any other family member from her side who had the same behavioral patterns and it’s amazing. My life is super chill compared to years back, and I really don’t miss their negative influence.

    As a nice side effect, I no longer date people with emotional issues. Being away from my mom’s and her family’s toxicity has helped me gain a really low tolerance for emotionally unhealthy relationships. I’m currently dating a very sweet and kind woman, with zero drama involved, which is a very positive change for me.

  4. My relationship with my mom is hot and cold. I love her but I can’t stand her sometimes. Growing up, she blamed all the shit that went wrong in our lives on my deadbeat dad. Granted he was a POS but my mom barely tried to succeed in life even for my sake but moved heaven and earth to please everyone else. Still hold resentment for that to be honest. She also shoves Christianity down my throat all the damn time and it’s annoying. Honestly, I’m so much closer to my sister and feel more comfortable with her because of these things.

  5. I had quite the opposite situation with growing up with a single mom. She did work alot which left my sisters and I to grow up quicker than other children but she was a loving mom who did everything she could to make sure we were happy. She spent many years depressed because she always put us first. That sacrifice left a lasting impression on me. As an adult now I have total respect and admiration for her. We talk weekly and mostly get along. She just retired and is very happy. And I’m a single father myself now with two kids of my own. Only difference is my children’s mother and I work together to make sure they are happy and taken care of.
    That stinks that you have had this kind of experience with your mom. It saddens me and I wish you peace and happiness. Now if you were to ask me about my father and I’s relationship? (Spits at the ground) Hahaha

  6. I have major attachment issues including an inability to trust that relationships can last and separation anxiety that keeps me from opening up to anyone as I don’t want to risk feeling the pain of loss later.

    I’m also a very deep feeler and empathetic enough to understand just about anyone’s situation/motivation.

    The worst of it all is that I’ve been left with this strange view of women as authority figures and have a hard time respecting male authority.

  7. I grew up with my mom but visited dad on the weekends. We had other family in town but they were all women (mom, sister, grandma, and aunt + her wife). I was literally raised only by women outside of school and extracurriculars.

    The most major parts of who I am today that I think were affected are that:

    1. I find that I’m more comfortable hanging out with women than men (and have been told by some women that they like hanging out with me more than some other guys, possibly because I wasn’t raised to spend every living second trying to get into their pants, idk).

    2. I feel I’m more compassionate and empathetic – there was very little hurtful teasing between family members. There’s this thing other guys in my life would do where they’d call each other idiots, etc. At home, everyone was just there to support each other, and teasing was always light-hearted.

    3. To this day, I flip between “I’m not masculine enough to be attractive” and “who cares about being masculine, my family of women are awesome”.

    To be clear, my mom was an amazing mother. A little emotionally reserved, and very strictly logical – though all things considered, that probably was for the best – but she was always there to support my sister and I; she has this uncanny ability to know exactly _when_ to push us, _how much_, and when _not_ to push us and let us figure it out on our own.

    Although I’m still young (graduated uni ~2 years ago), I’d say I’m successful in my work, relationship, and life in general, 🎶 and I owe it all to youuuuu [my mom] 🎶 (seriously, I love my mom and all she’s done for me).

    Edit: Hope that answers your question. If not, feel free to ask – I have no problem talking more about how much I love my mom 🙂

  8. I was raised by a single mother who was a chronically depressed alcoholic/drug addict. She died from a mixed drug overdose (morphine & alcohol) at the age of 46 when I was 17 years old. I’m 40 now, and all of my relationships with women have been a disaster, so I gave up on the idea of marriage and a family a few years ago. It still haunts me that I never got a chance to have an actual adult conversation with her to maybe gain some perspective as to why she was so fucked up. If you have that chance, and your mom is willing to listen to you, I suggest you guys make an effort towards having a meaningful conversation.

  9. There was a constant financial struggle. Since one person was making all of the family decisions without any balancing factor, things were shit. Things came to a uead when i was 12 and she sold everything we had that wouldnt fit in the car and tried to move us from central Indiana to Tennessee with no research and about $2000 in her pocket.

    That went about as bad as one would think when we ran out of money in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and there was understandably no jobs that werent physical labor and no housing available without $150,000 of farmland. So she had a mental breakdown before finally calling on family to bail her out and send enough money to get us back home and into a shitty apt.

    Still resent her a bit for the shitty choices.

  10. I’ve also spent my childhood and was raised by my mother only. She has always been my best friend to turn to. Maybe it has to do something with the fact that our birthdays are 1 day apart. She has always been very supportive and still is. It is also probably because her own childhood was pretty bad. Always not understood by the people around her and her dad died when she was just 13. I atill live with her as I’m 20 and I have to finish middle school and have to earn my own money at the same time. We still get along great. So I appriciate it a lot.
    I’m sorry to hear about your story, but I believe that you have learned a lot from it and the bad stuff that has happened with you will make you do good things instead. It is what it is at the end of the day.

  11. Disclaimer: I’m 20 years old, in college.

    My mom was the one who filed for divorce, I think it was related to finances.

    My mother raised me and my brother, who is about 5 years older than I am. Given that we aren’t from a wealthy family by any means, my mom would work 2 jobs to support my brother and I, the 3 of us living with our grandfather and grandmother.

    She was and still is someone who gets angry, in the sense that she was never afraid to discipline me or my brother for being shitheads lol.

    The only impact I may be able to attribute directly to her being my only real parent (doubling as a father figure) would be my motivation to succeed. Knowing how hard she worked to support my brother and I makes me grateful, but at the same time it makes me want to set my future up correctly.

    I don’t want to be in a position she was in, being forced to work so much to support her kids, on top of taking care of her father and mother (before our grandmother died).

    On top of this, I’m sure she motivated my brother in a similar way. He has it made, working for the exact company he always wanted to work for as an electrical engineer.

    Since I have similar interests, my brother has motivated me as well. I’m going for computer engineering and I’m killing it. He showed me that it can be done, even if our mom can’t financially support us at college. In this sense, she also had a sort of domino effect, motivating my brother who also motivates me.

    On top of all this, I also have more motivation to succeed simply because I want her to know what she has done for us actually meant something. I want her to at the very least feel like what she has done for us paid off, and gave us the lives that we wanted.

    As far as our relationship goes, we still get on each other’s nerves when I’m home, but I love her and I know she loves me.

    As for my dad, he lives in the same state. When I’m home for breaks I’ll see him once or twice. He’s not a bad guy or anything

  12. My mother beat me to a inch of my life on a daily basis, almost literally. Scars cover my body. Then again I was described by the state as a feral child when they took me. I’ve been homeless since I aged out of foster care my mother died in her thirties and I have no other family who want anything to do with me because of how my mom was.

    I’ve traveled far and wide enjoying the freedom of not having roots or the burden of people to make proud. But I also have zero support system and have a very difficult time maintaining long term friendships. I’ve never been close with anyone so I tend to drift place to place without much thought about notifying anyone. Many times I’ll come back to a town and bump into old faces and they will be glad to see me saying I just disappeared one day.

    I work hard for very little money but I get by much better than most homeless people because I view myself as a nomad rather than homeless. Always working towards my next journey. I can’t mentally wrap my mind around staying at the same job for longer than 6 months and so that’s just another thing people can’t see eye to eye with me on.

    I can’t accept my life is meant to be working 52 weeks of the year to make someone else richer than I’ll ever be. I’m not creative enough to make my own company and as I get older my body isn’t strong enough to create how I used to. Carpentry, road work, roofing.

    These days I’m trying to figure out how to work from a computer. But it seems money is needed to go that way and with covid money is short.

  13. My mam is like my best friend. I was raised by only her after my dad took his life when I was 1. I have an older sister too (3 years older) I never had a father figure to relate to, someone to talk to like a dad or take me out for the day make camp fires or any of that stuff.

    My mam did amazing though, played football with me all the boyish stuff as well as the same with my sister. I do often wonder what it would have been like growing up with a dad or even a male role model in my life.

    My mother had and still has depression after we lost him, she didn’t know much about men’s/boys health etc so cleaning, you know (the bits) it uncomfortable a lot and eventually got little mans hood taken off.

    I still say to this day I wouldn’t of had it any other way though. We were poor (to an extent) and she got in a lot of debt only being able to get the occasional part time work when she had the drive and could physically.

    I’m 26 now and still living with her, sister moved out a few years back. Iv been her best friend for years, she doesn’t get out much apart from work and doesn’t have many friends as they have let her down a lot. I was a troubled kid, setting fires and anger issues and she struggled with me.

    Therapy sessions pretty much said it’s down to no male role model too…

    But yeah, life’s amazing now, she’s now debt free and we have a great bond and friendship.

  14. This worries me so much. I’m a single mom of a almost 15 year old young man and I worry I’m doing things wrong all the time. I know this is not the subject of the post but if any of you can please give me advice on what to do I would be so grateful. I do not hit my son in any way, I am strict however but not overbearing, I just want him to do better than what I did and not fuck up his life because he’s so smart and kind and he’s really just. a great kid, and his father refuses to be around (his fault, I never kept him from his son) and I do not discourage my son from having a relationship with his dad, my son chooses this on his own (dad is VERY abusive) and gosh you guys I really just don’t wanna ruin my son.. I love him so much but I just worry all the time I’m overdoing shit or maybe I’m not doing enough etc etc..

  15. I love my mom to the edge of infinity and beyond. I would do anything for her.

    We had nothing growing up, and she had me when she was sixteen, but she would still find time to read to me.

    She shielded my brother and I from an abusive, mentally ill man as best she could, and gave up her entire young adulthood so we could be safe and fed. So I could have beat up dragonlance novels to read.

    She’s flawed, and sometimes we don’t see eye to eye, but that’s okay. I owe her everything. If push comes to shove, I’d return the favor.

  16. It showed me that I definitely don’t want to make my future partner a single mother, so it made me extra cautious is finding that partner. I didn’t want to be the same person my day was. Hes a good man, but wasn’t for a lot of my early childhood. Never want to do that to a woman. Props to my mama for being the strongest woman I know.

  17. Cool,
    Did we fight? Yea
    Did I deserve it: probably
    Is she perfect: nah
    Am I perfect: nah

    Is everything going to be all right? Yea
    Everything is cool
    And we got each others backs

    Here’s how I see it

    People are human,
    and most humans are fucking stupid as hell:

    Me, you, presidents, parents, etc,
    We all just….
    Kinda fucking dumb

    I’ve stopped hating people for that

    Once your 18 and not obligated to hang out with someone all the time

    You can choose to accept something, even an enemy, for how it is.

    You don’t have to love her

    Hell you don’t have to like her

    But don’t let that get you down

    My dad’s parents gave him away and it caused him a lot of problems in life, so much so that is started to be a crutch that he could lean poor behavior on. He didn’t know how to be a parent because no one was one for him, so when he had the option to raise me… he chose not to.

    I don’t let that me hold me down.

    I’m glad a had one seat filled

    And honestly now that I’m older

    It doesn’t really bother me

    And for those whom say they are disadvantaged because their dad wasn’t there to teach them things like carpentry and mechanics etc; YouTube is an incredible father.

  18. She was very negligent. She barely ever spoke to me or even interacted with me besides handing me a dinner of cheap and unhealthy frozen food, when she did feed me that is. While we were poor so we couldn’t always buy food, me and my brothers and sisters regularly starved for days while she always managed to find money for cigarettes and redecorating the house for the millionth time. This went of for many years,

    Her scant interaction with me obviously created abandonment issues (she did eventually literally abandon me when I was a teen). One memory that sticks out is when I was 7 or 8 and went to a swing park with her friends and her friends’ children. I got worried when I couldn’t see her (a symptom of abandonment issues apparently) so I moved to play on something near her but she moved so I moved again..after a few times she came up to me and told me to leave her alone and to go away before storming off somewhere and leaving me alone.

    She had a string of shady boyfriends who would come and go. One of them would hit me. I got to see how incredibly manipulative, immature and destructive she was in her relationships from a very young age and I despised her for it. I was too young to know hate yet I did.

    I have aspergers and in Scotland I get benefit money for that, have done since I was 14. Prior to me turning 16 the money actually went to her and of course I didn’t see a penny of it. The Scottish government grants £1000 for a holiday for disabled children under 18 and as you can guess, she used that for a holiday for herself.

    When I was a teen she told me that she gave up the house, was moving to another country within 5 days and that I was being left homeless. I spent a year in homeless accommodation before finding an actual flat to live in. I decided never to speak to her again and never did. It’s been 7 years and I don’t miss her honestly, she never was a mother to me to begin with.

    I do remember her spending time with my sister though. They went to yoga classes together and did a bunch of other girly activities together but she somehow never had time to have as much as a single conversation with me.

    I knew a bunch of other single mums growing up (mam’s friends and pals’ mams) and a lot of them were like her, using their disabled children’s benefit money to buy cigarettes and alcohol while while severely neglecting the child. Few of my male friends as children had fathers in their life, or any male figure since our school had exactly 1 male teacher, so we never learned how to control our energetic boyhood energy and since we were pretty much left to our own devices we got up to a lot of *violent* mischief disproportionate to our age (imagine a bunch of 6-10 year olds getting into group fights with sneakily stolen knives, bricks and metal rods). Without a male figure in my life it took a long time to learn how to carry myself as a man rather than a feral violent child.

    To sum that wall of text up: it affected me very badly

  19. I have the same experience. I love my mom because she’s my mom, that’s about all there is to it. Doesn’t help she’s bipolar, depressed, and has massive anxiety. Kind of ruined my ability to really associate with females on a platonic level. Remember the days my dad would come over and try to pick us up for the weekend and I’d end up pissing my pants due to her cornering me and screaming at my face.

    Nowadays, I feel a moral obligation to try and forget the past, but God it’s hard. The older I get the more I realize just how fucked up shit was back then, but luckily I came out a pretty decent guy. I can barely stand talking to her, but I do it because it’s what needs to be done in my heart. Can’t just abandon her.

    Don’t let those moment define who you are. Use them as learning points to move on and grow as a person.

  20. Personally it seemed like my mother were never that into raising me. Her mother was a pretty cold person, still is, so I hope I’ll break that circle.

    We talk every now and then, once or twice a month perhaps. We both work a lot though, seems like we’re very much alike in that matter, so meeting up isn’t all that easy.

    That shows me how imporant a household with both parents present is. A boy needs a father figure for sure.

  21. Ooo I can answer this one, first of all sorry op for what you experienced, you did not deserve to be treated that way & I hope you realise it was no reflection you.

    I had quite the opposite experience with my mum, she has always let me live my life and given me the freedom to be who I want to be, we have and have had a great relationship throughout my life.

    I do resonate with what you have said about your mother, while my abuse was never physical it was emotional in regards to my relationship with my dad, I know how you feel with regards to feeling nothing, I have a very similar feeling with my dad.

    I hope your mother is ok and gets better, I hope this can possibly spark some sort of reconciliation with your mother.

  22. I think one of the biggest problems with being raised by a single mom is generally the opinion they have about either men or the dad. In my case, after my parents divorce, she never tried to day or get back with anyone. I could tell that she definitely resented and possibly even hated my dad. The problem was she saw so much of my dad in me that she took a lot of that hatred out on me.

    To this day I find it difficult to think that she still sees me as an individual, and not as an extension of my dad, Which she seems to still have a resentment towards.

  23. im only 21 and still living at home but so im not a real adult yet.

    my father killed him self when I was 6, for the most part I rew up seeing my mother cry a lot, as time went on me my mom and sister slowly got over it. when I was younger (primary school) I was a troubled kid, had fights, one time i even ran after a kid with scissors trying to stab him, hehe. my mom understood that school was hard for me and she always tried to support me the most she could, taking me to therapy even since i was young. a lot of times in school i would cry, but i wasnt comfortable talking about my problems with her. I would write my feelings on a piece of paper and give it to her, she would always help me solved them and would always do a lot for me all my life.

    in middle school I was also troubled until 9th grade when my major depressive disorder started, i was angry at her sometimes, sometimes i would have outbursts at her and then go to be alone in my room, i would say sorry later on tho.

    I was a sad mean kid to her, but she understood me, around 11th grade i would get diagnosed and started to get medicated. by then we had a good relationship. and we still do, I love her with all of my heart and she is the best mother I could ever ask for, I dont remember a single time she was in fault of something.

    Im sorry about the relationship you are having with your own mother.

    and sorry this was just a long text about how my mom was good to me lol, kinda felt like I have to get it out of me.

    Edit: another thing i forgot to say, in 10-11th grade sometimes i would go to school, or skip it and go back home, she was angry but understood what i was going through. I love her.

  24. We (three of us kids) grew up really poor and my mom did everything she could to put us in a good area so we could go to good schools/not get caught up in the wrong crowd; it worked. My mom was very self-sufficient and knew a lot of ‘manly’ type things from her upbringing, so she always steered me in the right direction toward becoming handy and picking up interest in typical ‘manly’ things, as well as values that accompany (hard work, being tough, etc).

    It made me a very independent and strong-willed individual, probably a little more cold than the average person though. But, my mom did everything she could for us, no resentment at all, just respect for all of her self sacrifice.

    We text close to every day.

  25. This is still raw for me, but it was just my mom and I growing up and, sure, we had our battles when I was a kid, but looking back, she was always my No. 1 fan in everything I did and having that support gave me the confidence I needed to feel like I could do anything.

    As an adult, I called my mom every morning on my commute to work. It was my way of staying in touch and to show her I think about her every day (even if some of those calls were argumentative). We rarely spoke about our feelings to each other, but I know I was her world and… unfortunately it took her passing away in 2019 to realize she was and always will be my rock. I wish she were alive so I could say this to her, instead of just assuming she knew I loved her.

    Anyway, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

  26. Aw man. Some of these stories are so sad.

    My relationship to my mom was good. We struggled with money and when I grew older I realised mom struggled a bit with her emotions too. I was just too small to realise and try to help.

    She never gave up tho. She work hard and long hours and she never let me see her get tired. Now that I’m older I realize how difficult that is. She was strict at points but nothing excessive.

    My mom is my hero and there’s nobody else I look up to. If I can become half the person she is, it means I did good.

  27. As a single mom at age 17 (my baby is now 19 and going into his junior year of college), this very thread is the embodiment of one of my greatest fears. Some of the replies are breaking my heart. I pray my boy knows how much I absolutely adore him. Even when I want to strangle him (figuratively, not literally). I only hope that when he is a full grown adult, maybe with his own family (or not) he looks back and is proud of me.

  28. my mother is my best friend now, but she honestly was never a “mother” to me.

    she was infinitely closer to my sister, and still is. they talk constantly, moved in together (shes 23, im 28) and she stayed in the local area after high school, and it looks like her and her boyfriend will move in together and move no farther than the next city over.

    I….was a PoS teenage, the problem child, 1.8 GPA, everyone in the family thought i was going to be a lazy fuck up bum. my sister is the exact opposite, she’s super family oriented, book smart, she graduated top 5 in her class in high school.

    what ended up happening was, I joined the US military at 21, following a “fuck you mom i hope i never see you again, im going off to start my own life”. I joined the USAF, as an intel analyst, and well…my life changed by at least 200%.

    I needed direction, ambition, and discipline in my life. I got ALL of that from Uncle Sam. I am still in after almost 8 years, I have made rank extremely quickly, I have good leadership skills and I work hard, also I am incredible at following orders.

    what changed for my mother and I is that I noticed in basic training that these….kids, 17+ in basic, could not SURVIVE without their parents. my mom, by not being a “mother” and leaving me to fend for myself during my teenage years, taught me all the skills I needed to survive on my own. I could do my own laundry, I could cook my own food, I was and still am 100% independent.

    these kids hadn’t been on their own for 2 weeks, let alone 2 months in BMT and didn’t know anything. right then and there, during basic, I wrote a letter to my mom and apologized for everything. she became my advisor, my confidant, and any life questions I had I asked her.

    “hey mom, Im buying my first car, how do I do that?”

    “hey mom, Im renting my first place, what do I need to know”

    see, I realized something, my mom was a single mother to 2 kids, she was doing the best she could during my teenage years, and while it doesnt excuse anything that happened, she is a SURVIVOR like me. she’s a hustler, a grinder, she will always find a way.

    I still live about 8 hours away, I have my own life, my own things, I make considerably more than my mother, almost 3 times as much, and with my TS clearance and experience I have the potential to earn into the high 6 figures during my lifetime.

    my sister, on the other hand, has failed multiple classes in nursing school, she’s going to be 24 soon, still lives at home with my mom, depends on my mother for everything….we learned that I was the “street smart” kid and she was the “book smart” kid, but that led to a lot of co-dependency issues with my mother.

    ​

    everything happens for a reason, and while there are lot of issues I have mentally (like being emotionally dead inside) she created an intelligent replica of herself and I am so glad I can survive and thrive on my own anywhere because my mom indirectly helped me…by not helping me.

  29. I grew up with my dad until the age of about 13-14, I’m 24 now. The major effects of my dad walking out as a teenager is that he left just as I was coming of age. My sexual education was lacking due to not having an experienced and trustworthy male figure. On top of that I’ve learned absolutely 0 traditionally masculine household skills, I have no handy skills whatsoever. This has hindered my self-esteem more than anything else, and I feel as if it just made me a late bloomer. Today the sex related stuff is figured out and the handy part is a work in progress, but it’s improving. The other major effect it had on me was a deterioration to my mental health. This was caused by 2 things: 1) for some reason teenage me felt a lot of pressure to be the “man of the house”. I was left with my mom, my sister, my grandmother, and 2 great aunts as the only close family left. I felt it was my duty to replace my dad as much as I could and this led to some stress and emotionally exhaustive moments. 2) my mom was on the brink of bankruptcy and she would also tell us about it, it caused a lot of stress and anxiety knowing that we might lose our home. Another financially bad effect was that I had to pay for my education through loans and part-time work, but that’s very minimal I did fine on that end.

    The benefits of growing up with a single mother is that I feel I’ve become better at managing my emotions. I’m a great communicator, I’m an open person and I don’t pent up my emotions until they explode. Young I had terrible anger issues and when my dad left, the increased proximity to my mom helped me out.

    All in all I love my mom and have a great relationship with her and I’m grateful for everything she did for us. With more than half of the household income gone, a messy divorce and her being overleverage, she was able to maintain our quality of life to the point that it had no effect on our needs and educational opportunities. Thank you mom.

  30. My mother raised me on her own. The financial burden was on her even when she was with my dad, and when they divorced it took a court order for him to actually pay child support (we lived in a muslim country, so that says a lot). I wont say she was perfect, she had a lot on her plate and sometimes was way too strict. But I do not believe I would be where I am today without her.
    I am 27 now, we are still very close. She knows everything about my life (to a certain extent, everyone needs secrets).

  31. I’ve already past that blaming resentment phase. I came to the conclusion is that forgiveness and compassion is very important for you to heal. They had to raise us not knowing any better or how to do it all own their own , that had to be scary as shit !
    Now I’ve got great appreciation and gratitude for everything and it feels great !

  32. Im not sure this is the type of thing youd want to hear given your circumstances. But im quite greatful for how i was raised. My mother was really young when she had me, she had to drop out of school and we never had much money, and lived in a tiny house, that might fall apart any day now. But she worked ridiculously hard to get me happy as a kid. When i was a little kid, whatever i wanted i got. I never really felt the void of no father, i guess you cant miss what you dont have. Sometimes very rarely i feel some type of resentment that i was never really “guided” through life, ive kinda had to figure it all out myself and im still quite lost on life itself. But i dont think that resentment’s towards her, as it would be impossible for her to do, as she was so young, she didnt exactly have it worked it herself yet either.
    But im grateful for my upbringing so much. I think being raised 100% by women like my mother and sometimes help from my aunties or grandmother. has given me a much better outlook on society too.
    When i think of a “strong” person, i immediately think of my mother and women like her. Thats unfortunately not the case for a lot of young men even today.

  33. My father walked out on us when I was 11, and I was raised b my mother since then. It did impact the way I grew up I believe; I’m more cautious than other guys I know, and I’m more quiet-tempered, personality traits that might seem more “feminine” so to say. But at the same time, I feel like it’s helped me make more friends and be more approachable. My mother helped me through challenging parts of my life. And while of course we had friction between us (as I imagine is frequent when it comes to teenagers and young adults) I’d say we have a good relationship nowadays.

    TL;DR Being raised by my mother had a positive effect on me.

  34. I understand a lot of bad things happened between us but she also did do a lot for my sake. She has good intentions, now that I’m older I realized that. Didn’t help that I was a piece of shit myself when I was younger but I think it was the stress of raising my sister and I while also being a human being who went through a lot of tough stuff (my absentee dad, her second husband who was just a cunt, etc.) and she had no one but herself a lot of the time since I wasn’t mature enough to understand or even sympathize. Life can be fuckin tough man, I wouldn’t encourage people to be single mothers because it is a lot of stress and you basically have to shoulder everything yourself.

  35. Hi man, I can’t post too much on here but will gladly DM with you if you’d like to talk. I’m around the same age as you, had very similar upbringing, and currently going through the same realisations about my past. I may be able to point you in the direction of resources which have helped me over the last few months too, or if you just want someone to listen.

  36. The older I get the more I understand that she was only living life for herself.

    I’m 32 now and it’s become painfully obvious she doesn’t actually want to be a part of my life. She generally just doesn’t try. When she does offer help and I agree, she always falls through. Whenever I do go and see her she dominates conversation with stories of herself and never cares to ask about my life.

    At this point I’m just done with putting in any kind of work to develop the relationship further. She didn’t put in the effort when I was a kid and she still hasn’t. I have better ways to spend my time.

    I still love her, because she’s my mother. I just don’t like her.

  37. My parents split when I was 16 and from that point, I was raised only by my mother. So I don’t quite fit your question but it was a critical point in my process of growing up. She wasn’t abusive, she kept me around for too long. It took me way longer than most of my peers to be independent.

    And now… Well she doesn’t see that she’s made mistakes. It’s not like I want to demonize her or her way of raising me as a whole. But it kind of sucks that she can’t acknowledge the fact that she made mistakes along the way. It makes me get annoyed with her very fast and sometimes outright resent her. Her usual reaction is to victimize herself and thereby implying that I’m ungrateful. It can be… Exhausting and I see no way of breaking that cycle without causing serious, lasting damage.

  38. I’m 26 raised by a single mother and feel very similarly. Also wasn’t physically abusive but very mentally/emotionally abusive, controlling, and strangely dependent on me in many ways. She’d also do things to sabotage the only two real long-term relationships I’ve had.

    Feel like it fucked me up in some ways. I don’t even have any interest in dating anymore.

  39. Hot and Cold. I can only stand being around her for so long. As a kid, she was physically abusive and would publicly humiliate my identical twin brother and I. She was 21 when she had us and would frequently come home on weekend nights shit faced drunk and hung-over in the morning. She has never worked 40 hours in her life and can never hold a job for more than 6 months to a year. We were constantly moving and being evicted, and could never keep friends due to it. We were socially starved. Buys pointless shit she doesn’t have the money for, most recently, a 19k dollar car when she’s 30k dollars in debt and living off of unemployment… she’s very talented as a cosmetologist and is a fun person, but she was a terrible mother and caused my brother and I significant distress through our childhood which has lead to give me extreme financial anxiety. Im a lot better now than I was when I was younger. Im now 21 and a senior at a big 10 university as a 1st gen college student. I am extremely financially aware and responsible. I learned what not to do, and thats the biggest takeaway I’ve learned from her

  40. Dad passed when I was 12. Mom became more strict and I became good liar. Dealt with catholic guilt for many years. Unable to connect with others, I found myself lonely and depressed for my formative years. Still find it hard to make new friends, if I’m being really honest.

    Grew up watching my parents fight all the time. Up until a couple months ago, I believed it was always my fault they were fighting. As a kid, its easy to believe it was all your fault, but the reality was that I wasn’t responsible for the poor reationship dynamics between my mom and dad.

    I’ve forgiven both parents (mostly my dad) for what they did. Realizing they were just growing while learning made me free from this the burden of guilt. Mom is a bit more chill, but I’ve had to distance myself a lot from her in order to have some sort of healthy relationship dynamic.

    Forgive your parents guys. Especially if they’re younger. Give mom and dad a hug next time you see them. Tell ‘em you love them.

  41. I, along with three younger siblings, was raised by my mum alone since I was six.

    She was fucking terrible. A horrible seething mess of a human being. I haven’t seen her in 4 years, I haven’t spoken to her in 2.

    She’s homeless I hear. Everyone will be better off when she dies.

  42. I was raised by my mother in a very low income situation, and to be frank, she wasn’t cut out to be half of the parenting necessary, let alone 100%. I’ve made it clear that if she is in trouble or *needs* help she should call but otherwise, my relationship with her is non-existent.

    There is so much that having one competent parent could have done for my upbringing and quality of life, but she was/still is depressed a lot, is addicted to painkillers, and despite being naturally intelligent, is not educated or skilled (as it wasn’t expected of her generation).

    It’s rough because I try to be fair to her (in that she obviously did the best she could), but I also resent so much about the shortcomings of my upbringing that it’s not really possible to have anything but an arm’s length relationship.

    It doesn’t help that most of my family isn’t close either. I have one (out of three) sisters that I’m actually close to, but other than that, it’s all been learning how to do everything myself.

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