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Men of Reddit who have been in abusive relationships, what finally motivated you to leave?

Men of Reddit who have been in abusive relationships, what finally motivated you to leave?

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  1. Waking up to a slap in the balls and a fist in the face. The moment that happened and I slapped her to get her away from me, she goes calling the cops because I slapped her. My nose is bloody, my balls are swollen, she has a small red mark on her face and was oblivious to the fact that I had a camera for security

  2. It was awful. I was very scared of her. She destroyed my confidence in myself and made me feel like I had no self worth. I tried on many occasions to leave her because I was sick of it all but she would make threats towards me or herself and try to entrap me. Finally one day on her calm state she thought a break would help us. I never looked back. I still saw her sometimes but never wanted to go back. It took me years to partially recover. To this day if my wife, who is the kindest person I know, raises her voice at all I still have a sliver of being scared. We don’t talk about these types of things enough in our society.

  3. I found emails on my toddlers tablet that she discretely talking to an attorney and developing a plan to take my daughter from me. Filed for custody the very next morning, told her she had to move out, and haven’t taken shit from her since.

  4. I woke up in the middle of the night to find her going through my wallet stealing money. I asked her what she was doing.

    She got angry and said it was “not fair” that I had more money to spend than her “just because you have a better job”. (Does this make sense to any of you other girls?)

    I was also paying the rent..because I earned more money. And before she got a job I was paying rent and food.

  5. Together for a little over two years. Abuse was mental and emotional. Started to understand when some very good friends called her on it when she tried to tell a story where she gas lit me. It was an amazing clarity to realize that my instincts were right and I could trust myself.

    The trigger for me was when I started to see my health decline (weight up, BP really up, other things). Once I pulled the trigger and ended it, my BP dropped by 20 points in three hours. Everything else just confirmed the decision. Then I spent 18 months single learning about myself and how to communicate/advocate for myself. Invaluable lessons that I wish did not take so long to learn.

  6. We had a court ordered eviction coming up, and we had been packing to get out on time. We were considering moving into a new place, but without dual income (I was the only one working) How could we afford it? Eventually after talking about it nonstop i finally grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down ALL our bills, fees, overdo bills, and more, alongside my income. I showed her in writing how BAD our situation was, and that the only option was to move back with my parents, have her get a job and slowly pay off our debt…

    “You Don’t even want to TRY!”

    … After all i had done to try and keep us afloat while she lied, deceived, and lazed about the house? After she tried to distance me from my friends with lies, after she laid around the house watching Netflix instead of doing her online courses that she FAILED twice in a row? Oh hell no, I was TRYING, and a hell of a lot harder than her.

    That’s when i knew it was over.

  7. I caught her cheating, I told her I was leaving and then she attempted to murder me with a claw hammer. She had hit me and yelled a lot before, but that solidly reinforced my decision to leave. I called the cops who arrested me, despite being the only injured party. Thankfully my charges got dropped, but so did hers.

  8. Shit went south at my birthday. I was ready to go home and relax on my birthday. She wanted to go to another bar and I said go for it and went home. When I got home she was already there since she grabbed a cab and I took a walk to get a water before calling an Uber. She got in my face like a UFC fighter at their little “showdown” I told her to go sleep on the couch since I was sleeping in my bed that night. Things went south fast and about 20min later she was crying to the police who I called and said I was being violent when they knew I made the call.

    I did not sleep that night and between 10pm and 10am it went from her being at my birthday in a good mood to her on a flight home to never return.

    Lesson learned. I’m sure many of you in here have dealt with much worse and it’s not your fault. You are a better man than most if you keep your hands off her and keeping you cool.

  9. I was finally able to get away from her after her physically holding me against my will in my own house, putting me into a panic attack, hitting me and putting me in the hospital for a second time. I never thought I would be in a situation like that and I completely understand how and why people feel trapped. It’s incredibly difficult to remove yourself from those situations. It’s a truly helpless feeling.

  10. I didn’t. She did. Admittedly, I might have stayed far longer than was safe for me. I feel the relationship degrading for me. She was slowly but effectively setting a tone for who people thought I was. I began to put up stronger boundaries, not willing to be treated so lowly anymore. And it caused a rift. She left. I told her that if she left then it was for good. She refused to come back at that point, so it was done. Later she tried to come back, after she was pregnant with some other guy’s kid. Hell to the naw naw naw.

    At the time, it was one of the worst feelings of my life. Not for the loss of her, but because I couldn’t see my son as much anymore. But, looking back, it was the best thing that could’ve happened for me. Still sucks that my son isn’t with me as much, but my mental well being is vital. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve gone on in that terrible relationship.

  11. She hit my daughter.

    I put up with her shit for far longer than I should have, thinking “I’m usually the problem in relationships, I’m just being a dick again”.

    Until she grabbed my 4 year old daughter by the arm and yeeted her hard enough to take her off her feet and drag her across the living room.

    I don’t remember the next few seconds, but I blinked, and that bitch was across the room in a crumpled pile and I had my daughter in my arms, running up the stairs to pack bags

  12. Context: My partner and I have a relative in this situation. She has abused him repeatedly and he won’t press charges. She’s hit him in the head with a dumbbell and put him in the hospital. He could have died but he’s still with her. We’re terrified for him but don’t want to alienate him by pushing too hard. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

  13. After she physically abused me the third time.
    First time was a slap.
    Second time she literally had me in the floor beating the shit out of me… wtf.
    Third time she ripped my t-shirt off of me like some WWE champ and punched/slapped me.

    Oh but worse than the physical abuse was the psychological abuse, because of course all those things above were my fault.

    Why did I stay? She suffered from a condition called PMDD (there’s a Reddit board if interested), which doesn’t give anyone an excuse to act like she did; but I felt like (and was made to feel like) I was supposed to take care of her.

    If only we could go back in time….

  14. I could see too many parallels between her and my ex who was also abusive. The first time I didn’t leave for all the standard reasons like thinking it was all my fault. It nearly broke me the first time, but I grew and came out the other side a better man. I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

  15. Hmmmm not sure if it was telling me to put my dog down or the constant screaming and crying over literally anything, never met a more self absorbed person in my life and it took over 2 months to see it (first love) and boy did that make me devolve boundaries lmao

  16. Realising she really didn’t care one bit about me and was only busy with herself when my dads health took a turn and “I wasn’t there for her all of the sudden”. And had been for our entire relationship.

  17. Not me but a mate if mine. She tried to stab him he locked himself in a room rang the police she stabbed the door then the police came and told him we actually get a lot of these calls next time you might not be so lucky and she might stab or kill you. They waited with him for a over a hour as he collected all his stuff and drove him to his parents house. He didn’t want to press charges

  18. She smashed my coffee table, threatened me with a knife, and then told me if I left she would call the police and tell them I beat her up. I waited till morning then got a uhaul when she went to work.

    She had physically attacked me once before and my sister had been there to eject her. No idea why that wasn’t enough for me.

  19. Arguing driving down the interstate. Late at night after thanksgiving. We’d been drinking, partner more than me. Got poked in the face. Cheek. Hard enough of a press it forced my head left so I couldn’t see the road. Their wiliness to touch/ hit me in anger. Wasn’t first time. Tried to work it out for another year. Ended our on and off again 9yr relationship. We’re toxic and we both tried it longer than we should’ve. I was from perfect too. So not 100% one sided.

  20. Thankfully I’ve never been in a abusive relationship, but my friend were in one. The physical abuse started after they got a kid. He was afraid that if he left he wouldn’t be able to see his son, despite that he had called the police on his girlfriend several times, and once she even got arrested. He is easily twice her size, so it wasn’t that he couldn’t defend himself, but he knew that if he did he would probably lose all chance of seeing his kid and that he would probably be labeled as a wife beater.

    He finally left, but he had to wait 4 years before he got split custody. Up until that she threatened him to leave and move, so if he would like to see his son he would have to follow them. She never did though, but she held it over his head every time she wanted some extra money or needed a babysitter because she wanted to go out and drink with her girlfriends.

  21. I didn’t leave as I was dumped.

    However, what made me decide to never go back to her was that I accepted the relationship was over.

    Friends informed that her hitting me was actually abusive behaviour. That also steeled me to never go back to her.

    Healing from heartbreak took about a year. It would be another 3 years before I felt ready to date again.

    Edit: she would twist my words against me and slap me hard in front of friends. Friends and family saw bruises and scratches on my cheek. Once I tasted blood in my mouth after being slapped.

  22. After about a year of emotional abuse, she claimed to be pregnant but would offer up no physical, official proof. Took three weeks to finally catch her in the lie. That was the most stressful period of my entire life.

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