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Men of Reddit, when did you start to notice yourself maturing and understanding the true responsibilities of growing into an adult?

I’m in my mid twenties, and have slowly started to notice over the past year or two that there is a lot of potential a man can have. Ive felt there are times where we back off of those distractions and put fourth the energy elsewhere into bigger Better things. When did you notice yourself wanting to be a more driven individual to accomplish goals/tasks & what made you start to realize?

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25 Comments

  1. When I spent my 28th birthday with my mom in a coma from a double pulmonary embolism with all of my family falling apart and realized someone needs to handle there shit so everyone else can panic. I lived in the hospital for six months cause I’m superstitious and felt like she was fighting like hell cause I wouldn’t leave her and she just kept progressing. Now she’s home and I’m trying to help her relearn to walk. Edit: I just wanna say thank you to everyone who responded and the award while typing this. As you can imagine during covid lockdowns I haven’t talked about this since it’s happened and seeing everyone’s positivity really means a lot. Thanks everyone.

  2. I would say 26ish… and then again around 35.

    26 is when my wife and I started dating and I knew I was going to marry her within 4 months of our relationship. I started to make changes in my career to spend more time with her. Before I used to travel every week to different cities for work and just be wild.

    Her and I got married when I was 30 and had a kid at 32. But it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started to really grow up more than what I already was and really just became that Guy. You know that reliable guy friend who has all the tools, who is always home, who would rather go have wings and beer with a friend and be home by 8 pm. Im that guy now.

    But on the flip side I have been more accomplished in my business the past 2 years, I made more money, made better investment decisions. I have won awards in my industry, my company has won awards, the pandemic didnt affect us at all. Im pretty proud of what I have accomplished but all this didnt start until I hit 35 (I’m 37 now).

  3. Perpetual bachelor here, so never had a dependent (wife/kids etc.) as such… closest thing I have is my cat. Most people I know have said they began feeling like an adult when they were responsible for another person (e.g. kids).

    Having never had kids, for me I guess it was when I started making financial agreements/obligation for things, e.g. car loans/financing, house mortgages etc. which happened pretty much straight out of uni at 21.

    That all being said, I’m 36 now and I don’t really consider myself to be much of an “adult”. I know what I’m doing but I still have the feeling of imposter syndrome… I still feel like an 18/19 year old and can scarcely believe someone has actually let me drink beer, drive/own cars and motorbikes, let alone own an actual house!

  4. Got into a serious relationship turned marriage at age 22 and started being the breadwinner / head of household for me and my partner at that age but I don’t feel I matured to such an extreme point until I turned 26 years old and we split as a couple and I started living alone (briefly); when my ex started doing things I considered childish and manipulative (cheating, attempting to steal my car and money, lying, etc..) that’s when I knew full well that I wasn’t going to deal with that bullshit and broke it up. — Thus far, my exes have a lotta balls for their chihuahua sized asses.

  5. 26ish. Working retail, living at home just got out of a long-ish relationship that ended due to my immaturity. Was drinking a bunch and kinda floating through life.

    4 years later own my own home, 2.5 years sober, in a 4 year relationship, paid off my $65k in student loans, new career in IT and in much better physical condition. Things can change pretty quickly.

  6. 18 when i moved away from my parents and went to college. the first year made me realize wtf am i doing with all this bullshit around me. got rid of it and now all i care about is working and studying. the reason for it is my parents, when my grandpa passed away i saw a vulnerable side of them and realized they’re also human. i knew i wanted to take care of them when they were older and give back what they gave me to me double. that’s why i don’t deviate from my goals and plans, i do it for my family.

  7. I was pretty slow to grow up. The thing that made me realise I was finally becoming a mature adult was in my early 30s I dated a woman in her mid 20s and realised how different my interests, attitudes and priorities were to her and her friends. She wasn’t a particularly immature person, but I was definitely in a different phase of life to her. After years of living like a student, I suddenly realised I actually had matured without noticing. When I started feeling more like a father figure than a partner, I ended the relationship and started acting my age more.

  8. 25. I’m 26 now unemployed looking for work. When you’re at your lowest point in life you start to realize that only YOU can pick yourself back up. Everyone else is too caught up in progressing in their own lives to help you let alone give a fuck.

    So with that said I have been applying for jobs all the while diving into hobbies to keep that creative spark or simply bettering myself in the long term.

    All my so-called “friends” are either invested into their girlfriends or miserable working their 9-5s and living for Friday nights just to cope.

    I may seem like a loser to society but we’re all on our own path to greatness – whatever that looks like. I applied for an electrician apprenticeship license so I’ve been looking for work in the field; open enrollment starts in June.

    I’m also in counseling to deal with some issues but it’s been a very lonely road.

  9. Im 28 and this is the year i realized that i have an opportunity in front of me. For 5 years of work id spend my money frivolously, just buying whatever i wanted. Now i realize if you start making better choices and put off all these meaningless purchases the coin you can bank and grow in various assets will set you up for life later. Also, everyday i go to sleep i cant get out of my head that every day thats over is one closer to the end of life. I cant fall asleep at night just thinking about that and wasting my days doing nothing so now i grind, make good money, save it and look forward to progressing in life and having something to show for it in the years to come. Go get it bros.

  10. At 17, when I heard my mom screaming at my father after she found some lady’s nudes on his phone. I knew then that I had to stand with my mother, and protect my younger brother. 6 years on, I guess we’re doing really well. So yes.

  11. I really started to notice myself maturing when I became more aware of the dumb stuff my parents did while I was growing up. Realizing your parents are just as imperfect as you is definitely a step forward, just remember what not to do

  12. I am only 18 however I have now lived 8 months away from my family in a different country. What I have learned is:

    1) Not everything is about me.

    2) Making your OWN opinion is very important but you don’t have to have an opinion on everything. Also, your opinions can change and that’s completely fine.

    3) Decisions can be really tough however making them will move you forward instead of running away from them.

    4) You can’t have everything at the same time.

    5) The hard way will often get you further.

    Some people might disagree and that’s totally fine, these are not applicable for every life situation that many of you might face at the moment. This is just how I see it through my eyes now.

  13. Around 23 or so. I had just bought a house around the bottom of the housing market, so got a good deal on it. I was also in discussions with my current bosses to buy their business. 3 years later when I did become a business owner now responsible for 4-5 other people’s livelihood it really drove the point home. Still took me 2-3 years to fully mentally shift from employee/manager to owner.

    Overall though it wasn’t a huge life altering, turn myself around 180 event. I was never wild child or a partier. I don’t smoke, I don’t do any drugs, not even pot. I rarely drank in my 20’s. Drink more now in my 30’s than 20’s, but that is still not very often. I’m not saying I was perfect, far from it but apparently have been a fairly responsible person most of my life.

  14. Yesterday.

    I took a look at my room, myself and asked myself if this is who I want to be. If this is what others see me as. That brought me enough motivation to get things done. Clean my horrendous room. Organize. I still feel the motivation today. It was almost as if something clicked, or like my personality changed.

  15. Well. My mom died of cancer when I was 15. My dad did his best homeschooling us, but was always busy with work.

    So around that time I had to take responsibility for my future

  16. 2 stages. Around age 20 I realised I was wasting my life playing video games and going out at weekends doing dead end jobs. I got off my ass and managed to get accepted to university and left my home town.

    Around 23/24 I realised that whilst university was a good way of getting out of my prior crappy situation I was wasting my time too much with woman and relationships and that a university degree doesn’t get you the mileage it used too. I’d probably have better better joining the army which had been my plan B.

    It was at this point I’d say I got some “drive” finished the degree with the best grade I could have gotten for myself and went into the industry I’m in now and I’m still pushing myself all the time years later. I think a lot of guys get this “drive” around 23.

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