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Men of Reddit, how do you feel when a woman makes the first moveon a dating app like Hinge?

As a woman, I tend to wait until someone has liked my photo or messaged me first to show their interest, and then I respond. I sometimes worry that making the first move could come off a little too eager? Trying to get back into the dating game (or whatever that means during a pandemic) so appreciate the insight 🙏🏻

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31 Comments

  1. PLEASE make the first move or act interested over dating apps. I can’t tell you how many women I match with and I have to carry the conversation and always initiate. Fuck dude I’d love if a girl messaged first for once

  2. Ah yes, the “should the woman make the first move” question for the millionth time. Same as the other popular unanswered question: “do men like blowjobs???” We’ll never know…

  3. I feel like men have been saying we want women to make the first more (at least sometimes) for a few years now. I get that y’all get told that it comes across as desperate or whatever, but I’m convinced that women are telling each other this. I’ve only ever seen a few guys say they’d be turned off.

  4. Dating and dating apps aren’t one sided. Expecting men to men to always make the first move is a regressive attitude towards dating. Do you like being messaged first? So do we. It doesn’t mean you have to do it all the time, but you definitely won’t appear as eager just by commenting “you have a cute smile” or “I also like that movie, who’s your favorite character”, etc…

  5. Make the first move. For several reasons. First men generally don’t have as many women liking their pics or initiating conversations so you’ll stand out. Second, if you’re attractive which your profile pic suggests you are, I bet there’s a bunch of guys that you’d be interested that just assume you’re inundated with messages and likes and aren’t sure they’d stand out. Third, you’re just starting the conversation. That didn’t make you seem eager at all. Where the conversation goes from there has infinitely more to do with the impression you make than the fact that you were the one to “like” first.

  6. PLEASE, for the love of god, make the first move! Doesn’t have to be every time, but if you do I guarantee you’ll make someone somewhere happy. I quit dating apps because of the passivity of women and the assumption that men had to make the first move. After plenty of matches and not a single woman being the first to send a message, I was done. If more women made the first move, online dating would be a better place.

  7. Well my preferred dating app, Bumble (which I haven’t used for several years, so what I’m about to say was true as of then), operated in such a way that if a man and a woman match then only the woman can initiate first contact, to help give women control over who can contact them. I think that’s a safer way for these sites to operate so I tend to wait for women to initiate contact when I do use them so that I know I’m not imposing myself if they’ve expressed the interest, first.

  8. Do it! It is such a joy to see a woman actually take an active role in her dating life, rather than see who approaches her. But being active in the following conversation is even more important. Men know women have more options, but if you want a man to be interested in you rather than just your pictures it’s your duty to show him who you are.

  9. It doesn’t come off as eager. It just tells us, “Hey. She’s interested.”

    Make the first move. You can still ghost the dude later ~~when~~ if it turns out he ends up being a creep.

  10. If you find someone you think is interesting, show it, especially when guy does not seem like stud or whatever

    Plenty of guys, including me, need to not only do first move but also carry conversation amd hope for the best

  11. You should always tell someone if youre interested, how else will they know? Plus, it would be über refreshing if women actually messaged first even once in a while. But no, for some reason thats the mens responsibility.

  12. >”How *do* you feel…?”

    Dunno, doesn’t happen

    >”How *would* you feel…?”

    “Oh wow, someone’s actually interested? Nice! Might actually get to have a conversation.”

    Semantics aside, guys have been saying this for a while now; women making the first move is a plus (generally; as with all things, there are exceptions). There are *far* more dudes than girls on dating apps, so you’ll likely stand out more than the reverse and dudes will appreciate it more given that girls typically don’t even have to.

    >I sometimes worry that making the first move could come off a little too eager?

    Do you think that all those guys were “too eager” for making the first move on you? Just go after what you want lmao.

  13. It’s how I met my girlfriend. There were others I was talking to at the time, one I was really into and am still friends with, but my gf stood out because she wasn’t playing a cat and mouse game where the guy chases the girl, it was more like a cat and cat game where we equally chased after each other. Hard to explain I guess but it was a lovely change and something I found really interesting.

    I can only speak for myself but a confident active woman who knows what she wants and wants me, hell, that’s appealing as fuck. Not every guy wants their women to be submissive and afraid to make the first move, chase the guy(s) you’re into, be a cat not a mouse.

  14. We get this question constantly and we always say that we want women to initiate, unanimously.

    The only people telling you this is weird are other women, who are retarded.

  15. >I sometimes worry that making the first move could come off a little too eager?

    Keep in mind that if everyone on these apps had your thought process…the apps would be a waste of time.

    Liking a photo or comment doesn’t mean you’re eager. It means you were prompted by the app “Would you like to know more?” and your answer was “sure”.

  16. Personally, I don’t check dating apps at all unless a woman approaches me first. Rather than coming across as eager, I would see it as her being particularly smart. I don’t see why I should waste my time participating in a game that’s rigged against me only to increase my dating pool to include women that don’t understand how a dating app works.

    Also, what’s wrong with a woman appearing eager? This should hopefully not be news but men and women have different reproductive strategies. I understand how men appearing eager is intrinsically bad, but I don’t think the same logic applies to women. I wouldn’t worry about it.

  17. Not only does it feel great – it’s necessary in my case because I never make the first move no matter what. If a woman doesn’t initiate, I assume her to not be interested at all.

  18. Message away, the more you do it the easier it gets.

    Whenever I get messaged I just assume it indicates an interest to sound each other out rather than any sort of energetic eagerness to move in together and have babies.

  19. I’ve never used dating apps but every girlfriend I’ve had made the first move. I used to talk regularly as friends to my current girlfriend of 8 years, then one day she texted something like “I really like you a lot” and I had no idea that she did. So I gave her a shot and took her on dates and the rest is history so far. If she never said anything we probably would have never made it to being a couple. Similarly, we had a friend that was attracted to many different dudes but always made an excuse not to make a move and complained about how she was single for the longest time. Personally, I love when women make first moves, us men aren’t good at detecting your attraction

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