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Men of Reddit, how do you deal with the fact that you’re lonely?

I just came out of 4 year relationship and I am not sure what to do now? I was super comfortable with her and I am not sure how can I deal with this loneliness. It’s been 2 months and the nice weather approaching just doesn’t help with mu mood. I have tried several dating apps and it has not lead me anywhere. It maybe cuz I don’t have good pictures and just with all covid and lockdown situation. How do you guys deal with issue?

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  1. I would advise against dating apps. A lot of people on them are only looking for attention, not actual relationships and they have made my loneliness worst in the past. Though, I’ve heard some success stories.

    Other than that, focus on yourself and what you like/ want to do. Love, affection, and together aren’t just in romantic relationships. Platonic relationships have that too. Try focusing on friendships.

    The trap, at least for me, is when I have tried to get a relationship when I’m lonely is that I end up with someone abusive because I’m so desperate for a relationship. But with friends and aquantences that doesn’t happen as often.

    Lastly, you have to *make* your own joy. Other people can’t just give it to you. Find what you like and seek it out!

    Good luck, brother!

  2. Don’t go to dating apps. Those things are self esteem killers for the average guy.

    As for myself, I accept the fact that even though I’m 27, a happy family life is not something I’m supposed to have. I throw myself into other things. I’m relearning how to draw, aiming to have my emergency fund to have at least 15,000 dollars by next year, writing a novel, and some time soon I want to learn to play the guitar.

    I feel lonely sometimes but I just need to realize that the best company is myself.

  3. I’m in a similar situation. 4 year relationship, ended 8 ish months ago but due to covid haven’t been able to do anything.

    I would say you can get enjoyment from other aspects of your life. 5 aspects are Family, Friends (social events), Hobbies, career and relationship. Trying to balance them all is difficult and there is always a trade off. As places start to open up again spend time with friends and family, do stuff that is enjoyable. I’m planning on just getting into hobbies and social events, you don’t have to be actively seeking a relationship but be willing to meet people, it’ll happen on its own

  4. I’ve been alone for years, I had a brief long distance relationship but other than that, just me. I guess I learnt to do more of the things that make me happy. I don’t feel lonely, I can go for a walk by myself and enjoy it. I can spend all day doing things I like alone and enjoy it. I think it’s important to be happy by yourself before getting into another relationship. It’s normal to feel lonely after a relationship.

  5. id agree with most of the posters avoid the dating apps like plague. if they dont like the picture you have taken or something in your profile they will move on.

    either try to take up a hobby or bury yourself in work. just take your mind right away because you will start the “what if” game and that doesnt get you anywhere.

    if you got the lockdown comming you got time to get good on your xbox/playstation/ninendo

  6. Dating apps are great when they work, but I don’t think they do for most people.

    People put up fake personas of the people they want to be and often mask who they really are which can cause issues later.

    I think the best thing to do is to take up a hobby, and surround yourself with friends if you can.

    Sometimes looking for love rather than waiting patiently for it to manifest can cause more heartache and stress.

  7. I don’t know if it’s any help to tie situation but in my mid/late 20s I got out of a 6 yr relationship. I was preparing a thesis defense at the time so my social group was close to no one. I quickly realized the get back out there approach wasn’t for me. I didn’t know what to do with myself much less how to entertain someone else. I was used to doing couple stuff. So I took a year and specifically spent time learning to enjoy my own company. Got back into camping and did harder solo hikes i couldn’t do with my former partner. Went to craft beer spots and talked to the people making stuff instead of trying to meet people. I spent time exploring what I wanted to do without constraint. When I went back to dating, I was going and doing stuff I wanted to do and would just invite people with instead of trying to plan a thing and if people didn’t want to, I’d still go have a good time. Might not be your thing but it helped me. Dating apps are brutal even if you’re in a good place.

  8. 1. Get a dog. They’re fuckin’ awesome. I am never lonely just because of my dog. They keep yo company, are a continuous positive energy, force you to get out of the house and get some exercise, etc. They’re worth every penny.

    2. Keep up with your guy friends. If you’re coming out of a long relationship I bet you have neglected a lot of friendships. Get back in touch with them. Text your old buddies for no reason every once in a while. “Hey man long time no talk, how you been?” goes a long way.

    3. Dating apps are a good way to meet women but you have to have VERY low expectations from them. You will likely get ghosted and flaked on so much, that you have to almost expect it to happen and consider it a pleasant surprise when it doesn’t. Spend a day taking some good pics and making a good profile, then do a few swipes once a day on the shitter and que sera sera.

    4. Just like…do stuff. and look for things that look interesting. Play some coed sports, join a hiking group, whatever gets you around people and seems fun.

  9. It doesn’t become all consuming for me but it’s at the back of my mind. I don’t know how I manage it, but there’s enough distractions on most days that it keeps from being all-consuming.

  10. Find a hobby that involves physical activity, especially if it can be done outdoors. You need something to occupy your thoughts and the sunshine is good for your overall mental health.

  11. I actually like being alone, so it was never a problem for me. I don’t like to surround myself with people who feel comfortable with being mediocre.

    Truth be told, I have a lot of long-term plans and I have met some of these long-term plans and I know what it takes to fulfill them. Part of that means putting yourself up to a higher standard to meet the challenge, which is something most people can’t do and so they fall flat on their wishful thinking.

    Case in point: I don’t have a lot of long-lasting friendships because I have a hard time finding people who can keep up with me. They get too distracted by bullshit from other people and before they know it I am too far ahead of them for me to care anymore.

    Same thing for relationships but this is trickier since a lot of women in USA are selfish and they actively try to divert you from your goals to met *their needs, not yours,* which is why I have a hard time trusting women. Would a woman have the type of patience and understanding to support me in my endeavors? Probably not but if they can’t respect my plans for the future then that is a hard pass and I’d rather be alone than with bad company.

    EDIT: Don’t do dating apps. People there are assholes and just want attention. Better to meet people through hobbies you like to do.

  12. Really sucks that everything described here involves physical activity. I’d love to do that, and that’s what I would’ve done in my early 20s. Became disabled in my mid 20s so I can’t do any of the stuff I used to enjoy, and that’s made the loneliness 1000x times worse. Then recently I decided to quit drinking smoking and masturbating. Now I just sit around all day with absolutely nothing to do and I can’t go out and do anything. Bored out of my damn mind and all I keep thinking about is reaching out to my ex because I’m so damn lonely. Friends family and the dog haven’t really helped. I feel as alone as ever.

  13. In a similar situation. Just got out if a ~1 year relationship and it’s been just over a month. I’ve really been trying to get to know myself and understand my emotions. Journaling and YouTube videos have helped me. Also, lift.

  14. I’m struggling with this a lot since I moved last year. Took me a while to realize it cause I normally love having time to myself, but there’s a difference between not knowing anyone and choosing to hang with people on your own time. I’ve been trying to make myself go out and interact with people (board game night at a local bar) and just trying to organize hangouts with friends of friends and acquaintances and such. The people that have that potential to become friends at some point.

    It’s a slow process though. When you’re at home and really hurting, I just like playing podcasts and music. Background noise can be comforting.

    I feel you on this. It’s something I’ve never really thought about until I realized I was in the middle of it recently, and completely at a loss as to how to take care of myself

  15. You just get used to it, I haven’t had a friend since 10 years ago much less a girlfriend (but I haven’t tried to get them really).

    Loneliness is like an armor that offers you protection but is one you can’t take off, once you put that armor it stays on you. Or at the very least is very hard to take off.

  16. I’m alone but, not lonely. It is the way I was raised. My father liked to play favorites and the pit the other two against the third so, being alone has a common place.

  17. I distract myself with work and youtube videos to try and avoid thinking about it.

    I also see a therapist about once a week, which is what gives me hope for the future. If I didn’t have her in my life I’d probably be dead.

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