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Men of Reddit, how did you manage to calm down when you settled down?

When I was younger, my older friends and relatives always told me, ‘Enjoy the life while you’re young.’ But they’ve never told me, that the enjoyment is so addictive.

I was partying, traveling, and dating a lot but now, I’m approaching my 30s and I realize that my lifestyle was not sustainable in the long run

I’ve started dating my childhood friend which I think is love of my life, we’ve just moved in and we’re planning our future together.

However, most of the time all I can think about is how much fun I used to have and that a stranger smiled at me, what if I was single?

It’s depressing, because I was having fun not to have regrets later and now I still wish that the fun would continue.

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8 Comments

  1. Calm down when settled down? You sound like you’re trying to have a pre mid life crisis & are pre sad about it

    You two can still have fun partying as a couple it you want to since it’s not the end of the world dude

  2. Well since you love her, think of her first from now on. That doesn’t mean her you always have to ask permission to do something. But, before you do something think to yourself, if she knew what I was about to do would she approve? Would it break her heart? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, then walk away from that activity, unless you’re okay with the idea of her finding out and hating herself because she put you on a pedestal while you put her on the shelf. And I guess to answer your official question, just communicate with her. She was your friend before your partner. Just see what’s okay with her and not okay. Decide on some boundries and dont cross them. Wanna party, but she doesn’t feel like going out? Buy, a few bottles and mixers and make some drinks for the two of you. Bring the party to her. Or as someone else said bring her along, make her feel included. Saying all this, hopefully shes doing all of the same for you. Respect her first, and itll all make sense after that.

  3. Partying, travelling and dating…it starts to wind down because most of your peers start to have families and/or focus on their careers. Shit can become lonely pretty quickly.

    Your life calming down is a bit more about maturity and fun coming in other facets. You don’t need to get shit faced, but instead you enjoy deep conversation, pick up hobbies etc.

    I think delving into the ego might be a lot of use to you.

  4. No idea what to tell you about the dating/hookup part, but I am early 30’s and happily married and still have a *very* robust social/party life; I do not have any plans to ‘calm down’ on that front.

    There is no rule that anybody has to “settle down”, or that “settling down” has to mean changing every single aspect of your life completely.

  5. Realized at about 38… that “fun” i had been having really wasnt fun…quit drinking… like a fish anyway, quit chasing any and everything that MIGHT even wear a skirt, and started to get a real life… still traveled, enjoyed stuff, but gave up alcohol “abuse” and started looking for chicks i could spend more than a few hrs or wknd with before i wanted to shoot myself… 🙂 still may make a little “spring water”, got a modified dirt car and a drag car, 2 houses an NO wife 🙂

  6. i party and travel with my wife now. mostly. we do take solo trips or trips with other people every now and then. and we have girls/boys nights (or used to before covid). and it’s still fun to get flirted with by strangers, you just don’t get to seal the deal. unless you have an open relationship, which is totally a thing but honestly sounds exhausting.

    so, i didn’t calm down. i mean, i’m pushing 50, so i have calmed down a great bit, but not because i got married.

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