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Men how would you feel if the girl you were dating and sleeping with was also dating and sleeping with someone else?

For context one is a very new connection and the other is a bit more complicated on and off long distance thing. Have not had the exclusivity chat with either!

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  1. To me, it’s about honesty. Do either of them know you’re dating around? Or do they have an assumption of exclusivity? If neither of them know, then it seems like you’re at least being a little shady about things.

    Personally, I would be kind of upset because I would take it as a sign that a girl isn’t that interested in me. I’m more or a backup option or a fling. It would also feel like lying by omission that you never mentioned another guy.

  2. Are we exclusive? If so – dealbreaker. If not – none of my business. Actually it’s a little bit of my business because I’d need to know if you’re using protection with the other guy. If not, I’d probably bail.

  3. Have you had the I’m sleeping with someone else chat? Because that’s more important than the exclusivity chat. I’m not trying to catch STDs here. I know someone who had that happen in a fwb situation. They weren’t dating and dude decided that meant he could just sleep around all over the place and she got herself an STD because of it. When I’m sleeping with someone but I’m not in a relationship I don’t really care if they are going on dates but I definitely care if they are sleeping with that person because it could directly impact my life.

  4. That’s a shitty move.

    Regardless of how comfortable you are with open relationships it’s polite to at least be up front about dating someone before getting involved.

    And to be absolutely clear I don’t have a problem with open relationships myself but I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who hid a detail like that from me. It’s a pretty big red flag.

    All you’re gonna do is hurt someone.

  5. Honestly it depends on the context of the relationship, in my relationships it usually gets pretty serious after a month or so, at which point I’d feel like it’s cheating.

    I guess the decent thing to do is to ask the guy you’re dating if you’re exclusive before you start screwing someone else.

  6. “Dating” *is* being exclusive – assuming you’re not poly.

    If you’re not exclusive, you’re not dating (as in you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend). You can go *on* dates without being exclusive, but you cannot be *dating each other* without being exclusive.

    If it was my girlfriend, it would be a massive dealbreaker

  7. I wouldn’t be down. If it’s more than a ONS I would want to be sure they are clean and not at risk of contracting STIs. When someone is sleeping with multiple people, multiple times, it puts me at high risk.

    So no, I wouldn’t want her to have another regular thing.

  8. Jealous maybe, but if you haven’t had the “exclusivity chat” then they’re not really doing anything wrong by dating around. If it’s a deal breaker then it’s time to talk about exclusivity!

  9. If we haven’t talked about it, I’m definitely assuming exclusive. I once dated a girl, and after 4 months I found out she was also sleeping with other guys. Technically we hadn’t agreed on being exclusive, but that sucked a LOT.

    I know everybody is saying “if you haven’t talked about it, you don’t owe them exclusivity”, but I have to say STRONGLY disagree. The default is ALWAYS exclusivity. Anything else has to be disclosed, so the people involved can make an informed decision both about their safety (STD-wise) and about their willingness to continue in general.

  10. Right, first i will say that a person be it man or woman who is dating a guy semi-seriously then also sleeping around is not someone that i would look to pursue a long term relationship with. I don’t mind people sleeping around when they are single, but if i’m looking for a LTR, one of the first things i look for is the exclusivity. Intimacy in a relationship/dating is important to me. That diminishes if they dont feel the same way. Also there is a level of trust there that i just wouldn’t have if they were sleeping around. Long distance also means that there is an element of un-accountability, if you’re in a long distance LTR, your SO could have anyone overnight any day of the week and you wouldn’t know about it. For me, that is a major red flag.

    When i look for a long term relationship, i stop sleeping around. When i stop sleeping around, that helps me focus on one woman, put my effort into talking to one person. This shows that you’re putting your eggs in one basket to make it work. If it doesn’t work, then fine (for whatever reason, clashing personalities, just dont click etc etc). But if you’re sleeping around while also dating, that signals to me that you’re not going to give it your best shot. You’re already hedging your bets. If this means i dont see someone again after 1 date and i move on, then fine. But there are periods in your life for dating where your goal should be focused on building that connection, spending time and putting the extra effort in. If you’re not getting that in return then it isn’t worth it. I also try not to text/instant message. I say “I want to call you tonight and chat, when is best for you?”, texting leaves everything up to interpretation, if they dont want to talk to you regularly then they are not interested.

    You also have to be aware that some people are not at the stage in their lives where they want to be exclusive. Also be aware that some people will say what they need to keep you happy and then cheat anyway. If this person is in a long distance relationship with you, then getting drunk every weekend and partying constantly, this is not the behavior of someone who is likely to be faithful. IMO you can get drunk for a night out and have fun with your friends, but someone who does it every weekend is out there to pickup people. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, i know people who go out with their SO every weekend. But for me, single people go to clubs/bars to meet other single people. Everyone is fair game.

    If i were you, i’d give this a pass. I think she likes you and if you were close together then it might work/progress. But there are two big red flags here for me, I wouldn’t be able to trust a person under these circumstances. Are we talking a flight across country to see this person or are we talking 2 hour drive? One you can see on every weekend and the other maybe once a month.

  11. I’ve been in open relationships before. I could deal with it, as long as everybody was honest and up front.

    I would not fall in love with her and I would not live with her. For those, I need monogamy.

  12. Condoms block semen from causing pregnancy and not much else. Any oral can still spread stds, and multiple stds can be spread from genital to genital contact even with protection.

    Its about time we stop pretending that using a little rubber gives full protection.

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