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Men, how much thought do you put into texting women early in dating? (Timing, what to say, etc)

How much strategizing do you do? Do you worry about coming across too eager by texting too much or not interested by texting too little? Do you have any rules you follow?

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18 Comments

  1. Not really. I just text when I’m able and talk about whatever and as much as I feel like.

    I find all these arbitrary dating rules to be incredibly boring.

  2. Dating apps have driven all such analysis from my brain. I have no rules. I’m sure if someone I was dating wanted some rules, like only text me during these hours, etc. I’d do so out of consideration. But I have enough things in my life that I don’t need to worry about what I say or when I say it.

  3. Zero. I have a flip phone so texting is reserved for times when I need it because obviously it’s a little inconvenient. If I need to talk, typically I call. People my age (late 20’s) who don’t know me find this bizarre but I find owning a thousand dollar “phone” just so you can constantly ignore everything else in the world a little bizarre myself. Women get a kick out of my anti-tech habits actually.

  4. What I have found that works:

    Never double text.

    Try to make them laugh.

    When you get a quick response, reciprocate.

    Express yourself intelligently. Don’t overuse “lol” and don’t overuse emojis.

    Flirt, and if they are into it change the subject when you feel that the flirting has peaked. Follow up with more humor.

    Don’t talk in a way that you can’t follow up with in person. It will be cringe.

    And most importantly have fun!

  5. I don’t put much though into texting and communication early on. Regardless if she replies or not it’s whatever. Plenty of other women out there so I’m not worried about “messing up” things. I think guys text and worry about what to say too damn much. They’re putting unnecessary stress on their mental.

    My approach follows the mindset of “less is more” in general. I’m not the guy that will text a girl all day, I’d prefer to use that energy in other areas of my life. No need to be constantly available.

  6. When I was younger? Way too much. But that was also because in my early 20’s, my main motivation in life was dating women and all of my personality and validation was aimed towards it. Also, it absolutely didn’t work and any rules and tactics I remember reading up on didn’t really work at all.

    Now that I’m now in my 30’s, I don’t give a shit at all regarding the optics. If I’m into them, I’ll send them a message earlier because I have so many other things I am balancing in life that aren’t just dating. Like my career, my friends and family, my personal life and hobbies so now dating is just a slice of the pie instead of being primarily the whole thing. Additionally, all of the “tactics” I tried to do and failed to seem like I was more cool and interested in my younger years just organically happen now. I am more “mysterious and aloof” because I just have lots of other things to do. I don’t reply back immediately, because most of the time I have lots of things that happen during my schedule and typically if it’s text communication instead of in the moment I’ll respond back to everyone more in the later afternoon/night

  7. A bit. In the beginning, you do want to leave a good impression, so there’s a certain level of mentioning things that might make you interesting in her eyes without looking like you’re blatantly showing off. Texting frequency, though? I don’t care. Then again, I’m the kind to get annoyed at what feels like random inane chatter over text, so I’d much rather write and get a couple thought-out messages once a day than prompt replies and frequent “hi” messages.

  8. I used to put a lot of thought into it.

    Nowadays i don’t at all. If i feel like texting after an hour, i text after an hour. And i say what is on my mind, although i have to curb my emotions, because whenever i’m in love that person feels like the one. So i heavily redact my emotions to not come off too strongly, but like to hint to those feelings in a playful matter .

    But all those games that some people play with those ridiculous rules (three days, how many y’s to use etc)? They are for children. And if you have crazy rules about texting, please grow up for the sake of the rest of us.

  9. I spent hundreds of hours chatting with girls and women about all the stuff. Some went very deep. But it all vanishes on the first date. So I don’t any more. They either agree to meet up early on or can fuck right off.
    I grew resentful of women and probably that is a petty generalization, but however you put it – I did my time and had my fair share of “I don’t think there is a spark between us…” after learning all the illnesses of her aunts doggy named Barf.

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