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Lads, how should one go about breaking up with a woman?

I’m in a short term relationship with a girl who I don’t feel like I have a future with amongst other reasons. This will be my first time breaking up with a girl. Any advice would be appreciated.


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48 Comments

  1. Firmly but politely.

    Don’t leave her with any idea that there might be a future for you two.

    Better to be too firm than not firm enough.

    That way she can move on and you won’t have to deal with drama.

  2. You need to be honest and direct. If you aren’t feeling it you just aren’t, there is nothing wrong with that. You can’t manufacture feelings, nor would you want to. It’s never easy to break up with someone, because it sucks to hurt someone, but at least make it as easy as possible by being direct and firm but not mean. Good luck

  3. I don’t think there will ever be a right way to break up with someone. No matter how you handle the situation, she will probably still be very sad about it. Just tell her what you said here, there’s no reason to give her any other explanation as that doesn’t fit what’s really going on for you.

  4. Give her signals that it’s coming, don’t surprise her with it. Don’t beat around the bush too long when the convo comes. Be direct, honest with her, but compassionate too. Let her work through any emotions or questions. Don’t give her false hope and say there’s a chance in the future. If she asks if you can still be friends, say “maybe one day, but it would probably be best for both of us to not contact each other for a while”. That no-contact thing is really important if you want this thing to stick. Best of luck man, I know this sucks for both of you.

  5. Immediately, and as soon as you possibly can. Do not think. Merely do. Thinking about it allows the possibility/assumption of second chances, and you do not need any of those things.

    ​

    The words you use must be firm, final, and unquestioning. Do not give any hope of there being a tomorrow or a next time, but be tactful about the words you choose. You don’t need to break her world; you just need to break the news. But also don’t feel bad about it, following. You are deserving of whatever brand of happiness works best for you, and she is no different.

    ​

    Good luck, and get it done, lad.

  6. Literally did this a couple days ago. Tell her over the phone or in person (not text). Be firm and polite. Tell her how you feel. Be open. I said something along the lines of, youve been awesome but over the past weeks Ive started to like you more as a friend.

  7. Honestly, just tell her what you just said. If she is not willing to waste time going nowhere she should totally understand. If that’s not the case… Say you got Hep C from a prostitute.

  8. Be firm, polite and kind at the same time. Don’t be her friend, it will worsen things out for her, and she may become a headache for you. Also don’t be a prick when you are looking for a easy fuck on a friday night and call her back when you don’t figure someone else.

  9. Meet her in a neutral location, have a drink, and be honest and polite. Don’t tell her anything she did wrong, or anything that would make her feel insecure. Just be nice but firm.

  10. As a woman. Make it simple and straight to the point but please don’t sound like a douche. Mention that the time you had with her was nice and essential to helping you build who you are today and that you have nothing but the best wishes for her. Then cut the contact for at least two months before ever wanting to talk to her as friends. Good luck

  11. Don’t ghost her. It’s just cruel. Tell it to her straight. I think all that being a bit distant and building up to the break up is hurtful too. Just do it. Sorry, lads but this is coming from a lass! So, I’m talking from experience.

  12. In person, be directly honest but nice, and remember that you don’t have to be berated or abused or answer a million questions if the tone becomes hostile from her. Represent yourself as a gentleman and hold to that.

  13. uhhhh lady here! when me and my boyfriend broke up it was kind of mutual, but he started it. We talked and he just told me clearly, he didnt blame it on any of us, and he wasn’t making it a big deal. We’re still friends up to today, and hey, who knows maybe she feels the same way you do.

  14. Go the scaredy cat route and break up with her via text explaining why you don’t want a future with her, etc.

    Or ask her to meet up to talk, and break up with her in a kind way.

  15. Good on you for noticing. That’s the first and hardest step sometimes. Just be honest with your feelings. You don’t want to lead her on. She should find someone who could be super happy to be with her.

    Then cut contact buddy. Don’t string her along or anything.

  16. _Tell her her box was so whack you think it turned you off from women forever, tell her you’re willing to give some pole a try._

    But in all seriousness, think about your reasons thoroughly, lay them out before you, make sure you’re making the right call. Don’t be like me and just do it off the back end of an argument and then regret it months later.

    After that and you still don’t want to be with her, ~~break into her house and steal all her shit~~, be gentle, lay out all your reasons, be completely honest, it’s gonna suck either way, but at least you can walk out with your shoulders held high.

  17. Meet up with her in person about it, try and do it somewhere that’s relatively private where nobody will see it.

    Don’t be an asshole about it but do be honest with her. Tell her that you don’t see a future with her. Don’t do or say anything that might lead her to think that you’ll change your mind in the future

  18. Well think it over first, what is your life like without her? If your life is all fine without her then talk to her and ask her how she feel about you? If there is nothing worth working for just let her know politely that there is no future with you and her and it’s best to part ways. If she agrees and feels nothing, then you made the right choice and move forward with your life. The moral of the story is that if she does feel something for you then for goodness sakes talk it out. If you feel something for her even though she doesn’t feel the same then don’t let your emotions and feelings get the best of you. Tighten up your pants and pick yourself up and end it with her.

  19. >”The problem is all inside your head”, she said to me
    >
    >”The answer is easy if you take it logically
    >
    >I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
    >
    >There must be fifty ways to leave your lover”
    >
    >She said, “it’s really not my habit to intrude
    >
    >Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
    >
    >But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
    >
    >There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
    >
    >Fifty ways to leave your lover”
    >
    >You just slip out the back, Jack
    >
    >Make a new plan, Stan
    >
    >You don’t need to be coy, Roy
    >
    >Just get yourself free
    >
    >Hop on the bus, Gus
    >
    >You don’t need to discuss much
    >
    >Just drop off the key, Lee
    >
    >And get yourself free
    >
    >Ooh, slip out the back, Jack
    >
    >Make a new plan, Stan
    >
    >You don’t need to be coy, Roy
    >
    >You just listen to me
    >
    >Hop on the bus, Gus
    >
    >You don’t need to discuss much
    >
    >Just drop off the key, Lee
    >
    >And get yourself free
    >
    >She said, “it grieves me so to see you in such pain
    >
    >I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again”
    >
    >I said, “I appreciate that and would you please explain
    >
    >About the fifty ways”
    >
    >She said, “why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight?
    >
    >And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light”
    >
    >And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
    >
    >There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
    >
    >Fifty ways to leave your lover
    >
    >You just slip out the back, Jack
    >
    >Make a new plan, Stan
    >
    >You don’t need to be coy, Roy
    >
    >Just get yourself free
    >
    >Oh, you hop on the bus, Gus
    >
    >You don’t need to discuss much
    >
    >Just drop off the key, Lee
    >
    >And get yourself free
    >
    >Slip out the back, Jack
    >
    >Make a new plan, Stan
    >
    >You don’t need to be coy, Roy
    >
    >You just listen to me
    >
    >Hop on the bus, Gus
    >
    >You don’t need to discuss much
    >
    >Just drop off the key, Lee
    >
    >And get yourself free

    _ducks and runs_

  20. Tell her honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
    Don’t make a big production
    Don’t make up an elaborate story
    This will help you avoid a big tear-jerking scene
    If you want to date other people say so
    Be prepared for the girl to feel hurt and rejected

  21. One thing i would recommend saying is ‘Im sorry, I don’t want to do this anymore’. It sounds harsh but actually there’s no way you can argue against it. It’s final and it is what it is.

  22. Go for a drive with them. Here’s how the following conversation should go.

    Him: “Hey! There’s my ex-girlfriend’s house!”

    Her: “Uuuhh, that’s my house…”

    Him: “Yeah, I know!”

    *Kick her out and drive away. Wave while doing it.*

    Him: “Byyyeee!!!”

  23. I’m a woman and I’d say make it short and super clear. Whether you want to be nice is up to you but make sure there’s no room for misunderstanding. Something like “this isn’t working for me, you’re cool/nice/pretty but I’m not feeling this” might work. Don’t worry about possible asshole label. Women like assholes.

  24. Do not say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” We already know: it’s you. You don’t want the relationship any longer. I’m willing to bet there have been some signs she’s already picked up on. But most of the advice here is correct:

    1) Be honest and direct.
    2) Don’t use insults or jokes.
    3) Look at her when you speak.
    4) Don’t go some place busy, hoping she won’t cause a scene. If she’s ***THAT*** sort of person, throw all this advice out the window.
    5) Use “I feel” instead of “You” statements.

    The last breakup I did went something like, “I don’t know what feelings I’m *supposed* to feel. I don’t know what **”it”** is. But I’m not feeling what I thought I would at this point. I don’t want to lead you on. I don’t want you planning a future only to be hurt by me later.”

    Good luck.

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