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Is it OK to be picky when trying to date?

Two things I can think that are for sure deal breakers are she’s needs to not have kids or want any. And no religion.

I feel like this makes me sound or look bad in a way I can’t explain but I mean is it that bad?

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35 Comments

  1. Well the childfree subbrisbanes would probably have some useful tools on finding childfree partners. Idk about the no religion thing. Also you may need to specify that. Are you looking for an atheist? Or would you be ok with something either outside the mainstream? Or someone who is religious but isn’t pushy about it?

  2. The no kids thing is perfectly reasonable — my wife and I both had that as a “non-negotiable,” so it worked out really well. As far as religion goes, I think there’s a lot of grey area that you’re unnecessarily excluding with such an absolute statement as “no religion” without qualification. What is it about religion that you don’t like, and what “spiritual” beliefs could you see tolerating in a potential partner? If a person was vaguely Buddhist, or Pagan, or a liberal Protestant Christian (or even just culturally religious) and just kinda did their own thing, would that really be a complete turn-off for you, absent any other red flags? What about someone whose spiritual beliefs are private and don’t conform to any one religion, but are very much a part of their life?

    As others have said, you can be as picky as you want; this hypothetical person’s your partner, not ours. But absolute statements on abstractions necessitate at least a little reflection.

  3. The only comment I really have echoes others. It’s OK to have a certain level of standards you won’t budge on, the kids thing I get.

    However, I’m agnostic and have found that people that are religious are plenty open to that due to “having a religions” comes with various levels of faith. I wouldn’t close yourself off to someone because they claim to be of a faith, it may not be that serious to them.

  4. Yes it is. Honestly your list is not even that exhaustive and women are much pickier than that. I’m in the South and part of my filters are also no kids and not religious fanatic. My dating pool is pretty much null. There is no point in burdening yourself with someone else’s kids or being with someone who seriously thinks you will spend eternity in hell. If you feel curious about my standards:

    -Healthy weight

    -College educated

    -Relatively secular

    -No kids

    -Any mention of “fur babies or fur momma” and I’m out

  5. Personally I don’t think these are unreasonable requirements. Those are actually two of my own, although I have several more. That being said, I don’t have a goal of finding a spouse. I have FWBs to have fun with, and if I happen to meet someone who checks all my boxes, great. But if I stay single permanently, I’m good with that too.

  6. (I’m not a man, sorry to intrude, I don’t know if this is allowed).

    I was just wondering how this would go on r/askWomen.

    Also, if I may, It’s perfectly fine to be picky. And these aren’t unreasonable things. There’s women who look for these things as well but it takes time and patience to find them.

    It won’t make you look bad to bring them up unless you do it in an asshole kind of way.

  7. I’m fine with excluding based on religion or being a single mother. Lots of good reasons to pass on them.

    Wanting children? I would be more worried if they didn’t want children eventually.

  8. You can have any standards for either gender. Just keep in mind, the more you have or unrealistic, the harder it is to find someone.

    ​

    The thing is society shames men into having standards. You say “I don’t date single moms, fat chicks, girls with high body count”, they call you mysognistic, small dick energy, wrong.

    When all you are doing is stating your preference, just like women go around literally saying the same shit “6feet tall, in shape, big dick, not a player, providers financially, etc.”. But when they say it they deem it not Settling.

    Fuck people bro, you have any standard you fucking want. It is your life.

    ​

    From personal experience, trust me, do not date anyone with kids. The risk is to high that it wont work out for so many reasons. It ain’t your problem at all to fix their fuck ups. Just don’t do it. Religion also, I tried dating religious girl once. Omfg, it was annoying. She wanted me to waste my sunday inside a church with people praising some made up figure. Bunch of cultist.

  9. Fuck yeah it’s okay. Idk why people keep saying you are wrong if you have preferences and wants.

    Single moms are a bad idea to get with. Your preferences are no different than women who won’t date short guys, fag guys, or whatever else they chose not to.

    I won’t date fat chick’s, single moms, or chick’s who have only fans. That’s my choice.

    Don’t let others make you feel bad nor make you apologize for what you want.

  10. It’s okay to be picky, just think about it and ask yourself if you’re picky enough to wipe off most of your choices, and whether or not you REALLY need those deal breakers. If the deal breakers are important enough to you and you think you’ve still got a decent chance of finding someone, then go for it I guess. And if you think your deal breakers would take out 90% instantly but you still don’t feel like giving them up then whatever dude, it’s your life.

    I do not know how your deal breakers would leave you because I’m not reading them, I’m sure you can figure out how picky you are by yourself.

  11. I think it’s okay to stay true to your convictions and expectations but you should be a little open minded; Especially in physical qualities.

  12. You can have as many standards as you want, its your right, but with every filter you add, less and less people will meet all conditions, you could make it impossible for yourself to find someone

  13. Dating or picking a partner is one of the most discriminatory processes today. And why shouldn’t it be?

    You want what you want, that might mean you shrink the total pool of people you want to date, you just have to keep those expectations in check or you’ll never find anyone.

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