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How would you like your friends to help when you’re going through a depressive period and you’re dead inside?

One of my guy friends is going through a little something at the moment and I’d like to help him. Any of yall got any tips?

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15 Comments

  1. just let him know you’re there for him. Depending on age/circumstances: maybe show up one day with a pizza or 6 pack. just say ‘hey, I brought you a 6-pack/pizza’. If he says ‘I really don’t feel like eating’ say ‘that’s ok, ill just sit with you while I have some’. If he says ‘I really don’t feel like being with anyone’ hand him the pizza and say ‘that’s ok, you can have this later then.”

    But Sit there with him, and eat pizza. Don’t feel the need to talk, dont feel the need to fill the silence. dont ask questions. just enjoy the beer or pie. kick back a little bit afterward. Then say ‘alright, time for me to head home. see you later.’ and then leave. If during that time he feels like talking, he will.

  2. One thing that helped me a lot when I was depressed (Have years of depression behind me, solved it without therapy but with my own will to do something) was only to know that someone is there for me.

    Just to be there for the friend, not pursuate the person to talk, but give the opportunity to talk any time, when its hard, this is really helpful. Besides everyone is different, but one big thing to help is to give the person the chance to explain his situation, how he feels and what problems he have.

    Only listen to this when he wants to say something about his situation, don’t judge about anything he says (even sometimes he would say very … bad stuff about how he see the world, but thats only his view in depression and not his true sight of the world) and try to comfort him by only sitting next to him and show him the signals, that he is important to you and you want to help him out of this depression. Without trying to convince him to work hard for it or drive him towards it.

    Depression is some kind of psychological illness, where you think that you aren’t worth anything and you are very … helpless and can’t take care of anything, when its really hard. To be there and give him the possibility to talk to someone in his dark times can be very helpful for him to get the first step of cure done and can also help you better understanding him in this situation.

    But, most important: In this situation he is the one who decides. Its important to know that someone, who is depressed and in a bad mental state, is like a person who had only a wall behind his back and a abyss in front of his feet. And your position should always be the helping hand, thats only there. Not grabbing and pulling him out of trouble, not forcingly try to convince him to reach out. Only be there, and when he wants to talk and (in this metapher) grab your helping hand, you can help him softly to get further and further. Without any force or such.

    Many people could get along with this mental issue very quick, but others have big difficulties at some point, where they return into the downward spiral. And thats natural, I woudn’t blame them when they choose to get back into the downward spiral. When you know he is working on this matter and even try to work at this and fail, you can always be a good friend for him and at this point, you can help him in things like doing sports or such (sports is actually very helpful for depressed people and is used in actual psychotherapy at some point, even when its only going for a walk).

    But, if he couldn’t get up out of this swamp of depression and complain about it without using any help, either from you, his friends or professionals, he would become very toxic and these persons don’t don’t want any help. They live with this issue, and the depression becomes one essential part of themselves and some kind of security within their personalities. And this is very .. frustrating and annoying for anyone after certain amounts of time.

    Had one friend like this and I had after one year enough about his rablings that the illness had destroyed his whole life an such. And therapists and such couldn’t help him, everything I tried to help him has he blocked and such in the big fear of changing something and work on this matter for the chance to get a better life, and whats a bigger fear of them, a chance to fail when he works on it.

    Depression is complicated, and fear is one of the big players within this mental state when it comes to work on it.

    I hope that your friend finds his way to get along with that, and when you are there for him, that surely will help

  3. I’m going through a tough time right now myself. I’m pretty much dying to go out with someone and grab a bite or a drink. Gives me something to look forward to and just being able to shoot the shit is really helpful. Going outside these days and doing something is a huge plus.

    Besides that, just talking to them is helpful too. My friends are all really busy people so it’s great when we’re able to find the time and chat. For me especially, just makes me feel wanted.

  4. talk to them & meet them a lot, and if you can think of something, ask them for help with a thing so that they might feel useful. point out girls who check them out or talk positively about them. stay relatively truthful in these things tho, and don’t let them feel that you’re humoring them for even an instant.

  5. If possible, yeet him out of the house, and just have fun. Give hin an opportunity to forget about the shit. Talk with him a lot, of course if he is willing to talk about it. If he doesn’t want to go out, suggest going to his place and watching a movie. Let him know you’re there for him and that you care, but remember not to force anything on him. However everything depends from one person to another. What I just said might not work on everyone. Some people ale easier to comfort than others. For some, just a cuddle/hug would work.

  6. Show up with beer and pizza and kust drink the night away.

    I respond terrible to outside help (except legit therrapist ofc) so friends just need to take my mind of the shit thats going on, ill deal with the problems myself just help me forget them for a while.

  7. I like free stuff. That might just be me though.

    But I’m the guy who at the end of a party will take the leftovers with him if no one else wants them. I’m the guy would takes all the free trinkets and tokens that booths give out at career fairs or whatnot. I’m the guy who will look down not because I’m depressed but because there’s free money and stuff people drop or discard. I have a random mirror I got from uni because someone threw it out. Didn’t even take it out of the wrapping. I don’t need a mirror but it was free sooo… But I’m not a hoarder.

    Sorry, that became about me. Free stuff, yeah that was it. Free stuff is nice. Gifts make people feel cared about.

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