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How to deal with thinking people at work see me as stupid?

I’m one of I’m pretty sure 3 guys working in a mostly female environment (we’re all in different positions). The gender ratio isn’t really important, but my few and far between interactions with the men have been at least a little better than the other more frequent interactions with the women that I share duties with. We’re all around the same age, and I’m just there for the dogs, I don’t care about the people. But I’m not an asshole to them, at least I don’t think. I’m not talkative and I’ve always had major trouble with eye contact and I have kind of a resting pouty face, but I swear to god every time one of them talks to me it’s like they’re annoyed with me or just think I’m slow, and they all get along GREAT together, even with the ones who have been there less time than I have. I start getting really paranoid that they all think I’m a creep, or some unhygienic fatass who smells (which it’s not like I don’t take care of myself. I shower regularly, brush my teeth, groom, try to look presentable, use deodorant, all that stuff, but this job keeps you active and when daycamp is outside it’s HOT). I just feel like they all think I’m stupid and I’m being excluded (which, tbh, I choose to work only closing shifts because I like working nights and being alone). Even if that’s the reason though it’s not like I’m a 31C5 to everyone. And I’d say maybe it’s just their demeanor but again it only seems to apply me. I don’t know how to confront this.

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5 Comments

  1. People warm up to you when they exchange their preconceived notions of who you are for thre knowledge of who you really are. You did say you’re there for the dogs not the people. That’s fine… but if you want them to see you for who you are, you need to talk and interact.

  2. By choosing to engage with them as little as possible and being unsocial, youre allowing their worst narratives about you to play out. We aren’t built to be a solitary species and it will benefit you to make friends or at least leave good impressions and show you care about your coworkers. We all have a negative dialog going in our heads…so when they see you dont care about them, they have two options to interpret that. They probably wonder why you seem to dislike them. That will be their internal narrative.

  3. I also like working alone and lived night shifts. Just smile and be cordial. You would be surprised that either they don’t think about you much and if they do it is rarely negative.

  4. It’s hard to deal with group dynamics. So much of it is out of your control. If they’re 6 women in the group, you have 6 different versions of how they feel all mixed up together. Don’t worry about changing something that doesn’t have any control function. Women have been doing this sort of thing forever. Girl talk.

    Do you think your passing off your own personal feelings about yourself or have these women called you stupid? Honestly they are probably not taking about you. Most people are a little self absorbed.

    Just be you and don’t let it bother so much. You can’t change people’s feelings on your own. Just be a good man and I’m sure they’ll appreciate you. At the same time, they have their freedoms.

  5. Quit trying to prove yourself to them and take initiative towards being a better employee. Self motivate and outshine them in performance, and say NOTHING to them about it.

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