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How to be friends with a girl?

I grew up in a conservative family/school system where talking with girls is seen as a crime. Spent over 20 years without having a good friend as a girl. Now I see a girl as a price that can be collected if you are willing to sacrifice, put some effort and eventually turn her into a girlfriend. I am taking it too personally if I get ‘no’ (for going out to eat/watch a movie or other silly stuff) as an answer. How do I get over this distorted view and act normal?

Need some serious suggestions. It is destroying me from inside.

View Reddit by charan786View Source

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12 Comments

  1. I don’t really get the body of your question, but I will just answer the title. Being friends with women is not hard at all. The issue is that men go after women they are romantically interested in then sort of fall into friendship territory, then get rejected, then complain about not being able to be friends with women.

    All you have to do is separate the two. If you want to be romantic with someone, make a move and if you get rejected walk away, pursue friendships with women that are not romantic matches for you. Sometimes things can develop but that’s a good thing.

    Just be mature and pursue friendships with your heart not your penis. Also, all the BS around this issue robs people of so many good friendships.

  2. Just think of her as a human being first, and a girl second. She has a LOT of attributes besides as a possible romantic partner.

    Get to know her, just because you want to know her.

    And be yourself with her. Be your normal self. Sometimes when we want to date a girl, we put on this persona, now you can be free of that. Just be yourself and enjoy her company whenever you’re together.

    Being friends with girls is great for so many reasons. But mainly because they are usually good, loyal and loving friends.

  3. Eventually you’ll realize that most women aren’t very different from men at all.

    I swear a lot and talk to my guy friends about shit that interests me like video games, cars, computers, music, golf. I started talking to women the same way and surprise surprise, they like having a conversation about that stuff too even if they’re not super into it. It’s gotten to the point that I’m calling my chick friends ‘bro’ and ‘homie’ and they’ve never given me a hard time about it.

    As for getting over your mentality of ‘women are a prize and need to be turned into a girlfriend,’ it’s just absolutely not the way that things work and the longer you have that mindset the longer you’re going to be stuck which you seem to realize already.

    Start by making friends with them the way you would a guy without having any expectations of what it might turn into down the road. Every girl I’ve ever dated or had interested in me happened organically and I never needed to do anything extra to ‘entice’ them or whatever. We started off as friends and if we clicked we naturally spent more time together until it felt like we were basically dating and one of us asked if that was the case. My current girlfriend and I ended up just picking a random date as our anniversary as there never was an official ‘hey let’s date’ conversation. Not saying thats normal, it’s just what I’ve experienced.

    On top of that, whenever I was interested in someone I’d talk with them for a while first until I had a good idea of what they were like and what they were into before deciding if it was something I wanted to persue. If you’re going into it expecting to date them without even knowing what they’re like as a person then you’re only setting yourself up for a bad time down the road when you realize you have nothing in common.

    TL;DR: Get used to having casual conversations with women and to make a few chick friends the same way you would a guy. Before you start trying to form a relationship, realize that relationships aren’t just about whispering sweet nothings and fucking, you also need that foundation of actually being friends with them first. Many relationships happen organically and don’t need to have work put into them to happen.

  4. The feelings don’t go away until you have feelings for someone else. I’ve been friendzoned before and it sucks but the feelings were there until I found someone else

  5. Dude a female is still a person. Gender doesn’t matter they are still a human. You probably have issues with this because you are viewing women as this prize. People aren’t something that you are rewarded for acting good. Like seriously?! What is wrong with you?

    Yes you are taking it too personally if someone says no. People have lives, errands, stressors, jobs, etc that they need to handle. Just because someone says “no” doesn’t mean they don’t like you. And they will probably not like you if you make a big deal about them not taking their time out of their busy day to pencil you into their day.

    Wait till you meet someone in life who works hard and is successful. You will learn quick how much they don’t put up with any bullshit.

    You can have fun with someone without having the goal of “turning” them into a GF. Stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.

  6. If shes more feminine, be a kind listener as well as just yourself. More masculine girls u can basically treat as “one of the boys” w a bit of a filter on what u say depending on how tomboyish or out there they are

  7. Yeah, this is hard. I was in this situation a few months ago until I started talking to another chick. I like to start creating some distance with said person. Talk to them less, hang out with them less, etc. Out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes, you realize that maybe they weren’t even a good fit and you move on.

  8. I don’t really understand you question because it’s followed up by how to get over rejection. What are you asking lol

    Are you trying to be friends or are you trying to date her

  9. Viewing women as romantic partners and not platonic friends is completely normal. Despite the popular narrative, men and women dont really work all that well as platonic friends in most situations after college age.

    So you should reframe your view of women as objects to be collected for sure…. but not wanting platonic female friends is completely normal.

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