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How the %%%% do you survive a divorce?

How the %%%% do you survive a divorce?

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  1. Divorce is usually a good thing. It means your marriage is so fucked up that its time to end it. Be happy to close that chapter of your life because it clearly went to shit and start looking forward to the next. Remember, divorce isn’t a bad thing. It can be quite liberating.

  2. I spent a fair amount of time in bed crying and a longer time focusing on just getting through each day. I moved back home with my parents for a while, both for the emotional support and to get back on my feet financially. I purposely avoided doing any dating for a couple of years, and worked on getting my life back in order. I wanted to make sure that I had moved on emotionally and wouldn’t resent women in general. Things got better, and I moved on.

    That was 20 years ago. I haven’t talked to or encountered my ex-wife since the year we got divorced. I found out some things about her during and after the divorce that makes me glad that she left, to be honest. As painful as it was at the time, things worked out for the best.

    I went on to have other relationships, and eventually remarried. My wife is wonderful, and I am a grandfather now with a great family.

  3. One minute at a time man. Mine was brutal, and there were days that I didn’t think I would survive (literally). One weekend I slept for almost 48 hours straight because I was so overwhelmed with sadness. One thing I did was find a divorce support group which I made myself go to even when I didn’t “feel” like going. I knew that when I didn’t want to do something was when I definitely needed to do it because that was my depression talking. I went to therapy. I took medication. I leaned on my friends and family. I swore I would never marry again.

    Fast forward to today. I’m married, I sporadically go to therapy still, but am no longer on meds. I’m happier than I can ever remember. I am healthier than I have been (mentally) and I take it one day at a time.

  4. I’ve been through it and it’s very, very difficult. Remember that the pain will eventually end, and you won’t die from it. What I don’t understand is how men with children survive divorces. I didn’t have kids, and it was a nightmare even without them. Remember that you aren’t the first person to face these challenges, and there are sources of strength and wisdom all around you that you can draw on and summon. Reading the philsophy of stoicism has brought me enormous relief.

  5. I can only speak as an outsider watching my parents divorce:

    Get all the legalities out of the way, and if you have kids, do whatever is best for them – outside of that, life goes on. I dont mean that in a dismissive way, although you will find eventually things will get back to “normal”.

    My father took things very hard, and was bitter for a few years, but eventually found love again and is remarried to a wonderful women. My mother soldiered on in her own right, and after struggling with work and relationships, eventually met my step father whos is one of the best guys ever.

    I can only say things seem to be the worst now, and depending on your input/your ex’s input, things could potentailly be extremely stressful – but when its all said and done, you’ll be free to do whatever you want and move on with life.

    Despite the years of resentment between my parents, they now talk and my father even came to my mothers wedding reception to congratulate the happy couple, because after a while it just doesnt matter any more.

  6. I’ve had family members and friends go through them. You just basically have to suck it up and get through it then rebuild your life after.

    For the majority of men divorce will be the single most expensive and stressful event in your entire life. Make sure to get a good lawyer as it will often make a big difference in a confrontational divorce. Learn from the experience and don’t make the same mistake again. You can’t be put through this if you don’t agree to getting married in the first place.

  7. Light at the end of the tunnel type of thing. Mine was a car crash that dragged on for a few very expensive years. 20k$+

    My ex family had money and just messed about and she wouldn’t sign.

    Even though I was still happier without her in my life so took each day as it came.

    I’m sure some people can just agree to split as easily as possible for all involved.

  8. Just keep pushing through it.

    If you have the means, hire a lawyer. Seriously. And advocate for yourself. If you’re paying a lawyer and all they’re doing is sending letters back and forth to the opposing lawyer at $300 a pop, give them a deadline to have a specific issue resolved.

    Don’t back down on what’s important to you, it will bite you in the ass when the court rules.

    Stay focused and take the moral high ground. It’s bullshit and it sucks but it WILL stand up in court.

    For reference, I was married ten years, didn’t hire a lawyer, got smoked on the divorce agreement, went about 40k in debt over some stupid property crap, got my stuff together and took her back to court where they found her in contempt of court. I still only get to see my first kid 10 weeks every year and she filed bankruptcy to get out of paying me but my quality of life is MUCH higher now.

    Do it right from the onset and pay a lawyer.

  9. Do your goddamn paperwork and show up.

    I have a couple friends who are lawyers and both of them have said basically “the courts aren’t biased so much as the men just don’t do anything we ask them to and may not even show up so of course they get wrecked”

  10. Financially or emotionally?

    Most dicorices aren’t actually a shock. Sure you might not want it while she does, or vice versa but still you’ve got to see the signs as they approach. I don’t think that there’s necessarily ever a good way to be *okay* with it if you’re not the one ending it.

  11. I guess it depends on your viewpoint. I was *happy* to be getting divorced (got married young at 21, didn’t know any better). I celebrated by buying a $500 lego set (UCS Millennium Falcon)

  12. Even if she takes everything away from you, you have your freedom again.

    Freedom is a doorway to limitless possibilities. You get a do-over at life and another chance to scout out a new horizon.

    Don’t think of it as being lonely or cast off or whatever, think of it as being free to pursue whatever destiny you want for yourself.

    The rest of your time is now yours and you get to decide how to spend it, not her.

  13. Don’t get married today that paper means nothing. I was having a discussion with my sister yesterday about this subject and I said it’s the children who suffer the most. They can get abused by their parents new partners and all sorts … why can’t people just make at least 1 commitment… part if you must but only once your kids are adults.

  14. I’m still in the process of moving my life around after I split with my gf of 7 years. We were more married than most couples, had property together, etc.

    I mostly just worked out and cried for most of a year.

    Better now. Although i’ve moved firmly into the spite stage of “if she died i’d probably just smile”.

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