I grew up in a really abusive home. Like, extremely abusive. I’m in therapy for PTSD and my related trauma and I don’t feel like it is something you would know if I didn’t tell you, but I guess I am just scared that it will ruin my ability to ever find someone who wants to be with me.
In my last relationship I never thought that my family problems were an issue until after we broke up. Once we broke up, my ex suddenly told me that his family thought I was cold, manipulative, and just generally unfriendly. I was really shocked by this and blindsided honestly because I thought his family liked me and we got along really well. I even asked if he told them about my past and that my behavior was not intentional and he said he had, it just hadn’t changed their opinions at all.
There ARE ways that it definitely impacts me, but I just don’t know how big of a deal that is for a potential significant other. For example, it can take me awhile to warm up/become comfortable with other peoples families simply because I just *don’t know how* to interact with them. My parents were always either screaming at me or ignoring my existence. I would enjoy talking to my exes family, but they could sit and small talk/chat with each other for HOURS at a time. For someone who is not used to parents holding a convo for more than 5 min at a time, this would just exhaust me. I never didn’t want to talk to them or not be around them, but if things were going for awhile I would need some time to recharge.
I also skipped certain family gatherings such as mothers day. My mom is extremely abusive and I don’t speak to her anymore. I don’t like having to answer questions about her because 95% of people end up turning it on ME – “she’s your mom you should talk to her” and it just gets old. I don’t like to lie either and days like mothers day are honestly just hard for me. I went to other events/gatherings as long as I didn’t have a prior commitment.
I guess it is just hard to hear so many people make such a big emphasis on “family over everything” when you don’t have that dynamic. No one asks to be abused, but it still seems like society generally places blame on people who don’t have good relationships with their families. It is hard not to feel ashamed of not having a supportive family.
So I guess I want to know what others think of someone coming from a bad family and how much it would potentially impact their feelings about that person? (I know absolutely everyone is different and there’s not gonna be a concrete answer)