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How do you gain enough confidence to date if you make minimum wage?

I’m 27, soon to be 28. I’m a college graduate, but unfortunately my degree is pretty useless and I’ve been working part time, minimum wage jobs since graduation. Currently working at a grocery store.

It’s been really hard on my self-confidence. I feel like no woman would take me seriously when she eventually finds out that I make so little and I can’t really support myself financially (I live with my parents). Is it possible to date in my situation? How would you handle it?

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38 Comments

  1. Listen here King, right now you make minimum wage but that is not YOUR WORTH. Your financial situation does not disqualify you as a person. If any woman is so shallow as to look at your current situation and say you aren’t someone worth knowing because of the wage you earn, she isn’t the type of girl that will be with you in the long run.

  2. That’s rough man. There are going to be a lot of people saying income doesn’t or shouldn’t matter. The reality is that is absolutely does to women and men, too. It shows progress in life and financial stability. People, especially today consider that a very important box to have checked.

    However, don’t let it bring your confidence down. Instead look at it as you have no where to go but up. The medical field is a great way to start. Getting into an X-ray program is quite easy and not too difficult to complete. It’s decent pay and a respectable job. More importantly it’s a great in to see if you want to get a more lucrative job within the medical field. There are so many options. If I were you, I’d look at my situation as a I can do whatever the fuck I want and this minimum wage job is temporary and will be a valued experience later in life.

  3. This has nothing to do with dating but do a certification in something. I have a buddy that was in a similar boat to you. He ended up taking a 2 week course, got his insurance agent license and found an ok job. Not great but better than his shitty fast food job he had before. He makes about $30k USD a year plus commission (I think he said he made around $50k last year), but he is in a low cost of living area so does just fine.

    Sure it sucks, but it pays a little better than grocery store work which sucks more.

  4. Your self worth and confidence are not tied to the amount of money you earn. Work hard and exercise strong character. The money and the women will follow. <– probably not in that order.

  5. I think it’s worth mentioning that there are a lot of people in your situation, and that your situation is not a negative one, per se.

    In my own situation, I can confidently say that I would probably not move out until 28-29, just because of the way my degree and career are shaped: internships, getting hired, and starting pay all point in a direction that means that while it might be possible to move out soon, I’d be living out of a box.

    I dated someone for a while that was adamant that I move out as soon as possible. That the minute I get hired, I should be able to afford an apartment. It turns out that this person wasn’t doing it for my own benefit, but for **her** own benefit. She wanted a place to live and she wanted to move out, but was unable to do it so she instead relied on me.

    My current girlfriend is much different, in that, like myself, she is slowly working up to financial independence while using her time at home to better herself for her future career. She understands that my current situation doesn’t equate to what I hope to achieve in life, and she sees that even though I still live at home, my career path and my willingness to work towards it means that it is achievable. In that sense, there is almost no pressure to attempt to up-heave my life for the sake of trying to feign financial independence.

    What I’m saying is this: some women will judge you, but the fact of the matter is that if they do they’re not worth dating to begin with. We’re so quick to judge ourselves when others are ahead in life that we fail to realize that there are so many where we are and we all move at our own pace. I guarantee there are loving, respectful partners out there for you who are in similar situations.

  6. Your problem is multi faceted.

    Making minimun wage might not be a major turn off, but the hit on your self-worth is.

    Try to move up to a job you’re more proud of. Real state, Coding, sales, there’s options out there that don’t require you to go back to University ( and assuming you’re in the US, the cost is prohibitive anyway).

    If you’re not feeling it, try working on your image. Working out, meditating, eating right.

    Yes, minimum wage sucks in many ways, but the major problem there (for dating) might be that you don’t think that highly of yourself.

    But yeah, making more money never hurts.

  7. My cousin worked at a grocery store started when she was early 20s, worked her way up from bagger to manager, then to corporate level position… making good money now and she’s about your age and only high school education… don’t let where you are right now cloud where you could be with a few years of hard work and taking chances and taking opportunities when they come.

  8. Hey, I’m a woman and there’s some of us who only get by on looks, jobs, other material things that’s only a small portion. Then there’s the other half of women like me. The only things we look for in a guy is personality & heart. If you have a right attitude about life and have goals for yourself. If you are making any type of income ( especially now since covid having any job is really great) that’s more than enough. Any woman who tells you that’s a joke then she isn’t the right person for you. Don’t get down on yourself and if you are making it work make it work. Someone you find you ❤️

  9. Swiped right on a guy (25M) who lived at home with his parents, made minimum wage, and just started his college career to become a teacher so things wouldn’t be changing anytime soon. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m not saying girls can’t be shallow, but most of us aren’t asking for a free meal ticket. We just want someone who wants to with us as much as we want to be with him/her.

  10. You know what, fuck the narrative. No degree is useless if you know what to do with it. And honestly, there is no shame in working minimum wage. You work an important job that needs to get done and you work to get it done. Don’t see yourself as shameful, see yourself as essential because, King, you are!

    It all comes down to mindset and confidence. You can see yourself as useless and disposable, or you can see yourself as essential. You’re going to need to work against your current mindset and find worth in yourself. That’s how I changed my mindset anyways.

  11. Confidence is what you make of it, the only things that have an impact are the ones you allow to.

    I understand not enough confidence to date, I’m also 28, skilled trades worker so about $55k and damn good at what I do but when it comes to women my confidence level is COMPLETE SHIT! When I moved back to my hometown 7 years ago it shook my self worth perception and I haven’t been able to recover it. Meanwhile most of my friends are already married with kids and making a good life for themselves with the majority making less than me. Why? Because they were willing to take a chance and look for happiness, the economics help too, 2 people working minimum wage can still do much better for themselves than 1 going it alone. I always say I am happy being single and that there aren’t many single ladies around my area but at times it is hard to tell if that is just me lying to myself.

    If you feel the desire to find romance then go for it! If you find someone who you connect with: cultural tastes, humor, common goals, etc. then the small stuff should work itself out. Don’t lead off with what you make, lead off with what you are worth. You say that you are worried you won’t get taken seriously when your employment comes up, by that point you should have a good idea if you are being taken seriously anyway, people who ask what your salary is on the first date are giant red flags. If it makes you feel any better until you are comfortable enough to share that info throw a fancy title on your job. Worked for me. I used to work minimum wage at a hardware store after graduating college, was I a “shelf stocker?” No,no,no,no. I was a “Junior Merchandising Specialist” at ABC Incorporated” and for the most part once the ladies figured out what that meant none of them cared, several of them actually enjoyed the wordplay. Where I was wasn’t my long term plan and they all knew it, you are a college grad so where you are likely isn’t your end goal either.

    I can’t give much more advice on how to get out of the boat since I’m also in it but I wish you all the luck I hope I could have.

  12. Sorry, I stalked you a bit and found out that you have a degree in biochemistry. Sweety, wtf are you thinking? You’ve made great achievements, you’ve got a degree, and you’re looking for ways to improve your life. I feel proud of you and you should be too. A woman who judges you soley based on your wage is leeching, and you shouldn’t mind her more than that. It’s hard right now to get a job or find a date because of the Rona and I guess because 2020 is cursed for some reason. I hope you take an objective look at yourself and your potential and don’t ever give up becoming the better you. Life has its good moments even in the dark. Hang in there!!

  13. Ever heard about love not costing a thing? Money helps but the best thing about being a man is that you don’t need lots of money to date. You just have to be creative and make a fun experience on the cheap. Some of the best dates I’ve been have been also the cheapest I’ve spent. A good time is measured after the date is over so make sure to end on a high note

  14. I’m in a very poor position to give advice here since I myself am stuck in a low wage job with no relationship history to speak of but I would suggest to rethink a bit your situation and how it is detrimental for dating or “something more serious”.

    i.e. do you have enough money for activities required for dating, rubbers, grooming (the self care kind), a place for intimacy, does it impair your social activity in any way etc.

    I would doubt that anyone looking for marriage or anything similar will be content with having their partner incapable of supporting them in crisis or worse yet day to day life since that may affect them substantially eventually, but I can see how people that do not look for such a relationship would be ok with dating more casually with less commitment towards creating a family unit or long term monogamous pair. Just for fun, I guess?

    So all in all it shouldn’t be *impossible*, but the options will be more limited. IMO a lot of attraction comes beside the financial security, money by itself attracts only gold diggers and people looking for an easy life. By the end of the day who will like you is not your decision to make so get what you can get and try to make it easier to get.

    Depends on what you’ve got try going to some social activities that you like and has girls. A hobby is an ok platform to get to know each other. If you are straight up hot then try online dating since it is heavily skewed by aesthetics.

    Might be an ok idea to ask around were people at work hang out. A friend of a friend of a friend might lead to something.

  15. A genuine relationship won’t be based on how much money you make

    Money will have little to no impact if feelings are reciprocated, and as long as you’re not financially retarded I don’t think you should have problems

  16. Join the military. Great way to get experience and do something out of the ordinary. You’ll still be making minimum wage but it’s a respected job. With a degree you may even possibly get a commission

    You’re worth absolutely isn’t tied to salary, but I’m just keeping it real with you based on my experience – women look for financial stability when dating

  17. Date someone making minimum wage. Either they don’t care how much you make or they do and they won’t be interested in you.

    Chances are your social circle is going to be with people in the same economic status that you are. It’s not like you’re going to be socializing with doctor’s and lawyers or stock brokers and the like.

  18. <3 how many straight delusional people are telling you min. Wage jobs are fine when you are trying to date or be in a serious relationship. They arent. These people are morons living in a Walt Disney movie. In the real world if you arent making ends meet then you sure as f*ck will not look like a catch to any woman. Unless shes in the exact same position as you, and even then; she can still use any dating app or website to easily replace you.. literally in a day if she wanted. ALL women are hypergamous an d it has NEVER been easier for them to be choosy. So why choose someone who is making min wage?

    Stop listening to these idiots, please. Find a job worth having. Get a trade or go back to school if you can. SOMETHING to get you into a position where maybe you will be someones choice. Right now you are NEVER going to be someones choice. Period.

    ALL women are hypergamous. ALL. One hundred percent.

  19. i have NEVER looked down on those earning a honest buck. its better to have dirty hands and clean money than clean hand and dirty money.

    stop looking down on your situation: there is always somebody worse than you.

  20. I think even if you find someone it’s always going to nag at you.

    Have you looked for other jobs?

    Have you considered pursuing another degree?

    I understand it’s difficult while working, but if you are dissatisfied with your life now, you’ll be even more dissatisfied 5 years from now.

  21. Always live with a plan to make your life better even if its long and slow. It gives you confidence in your self and helps others see that you’re more than just where you’re currently working. As long as you’re working hard and you have a plan dont worry the right one with come along. And don’t rush it work on your self finances, gym, friends, and try to let things happen Organically.

  22. It is easy for people to say it doesn’t matter OP, but the reality is it does. I’m the same age as you and in the same situation. I’ve seen it attending meetups when you speak to people and see their eyes glaze over or look for an excuse not to talk anymore when they find out I work at a fast food place. I dated a girl a year ago that briefly mentioned that it was bad I still lived at home and she eventually broke things off.

    It is difficult because at this point I have a hard time believing I’m what someone wants. No girl wants that guy that works in fast food and lives at home. If you ask a total stranger they would think that person is a loser. It is shallow I guess but all people are shallow. By your late 20s it does matter. People do judge you by your profession and what is in your wallet in a way they don’t when you are younger. I don’t even really try to date anymore because of it. Of course there will always be that one person that doesn’t mind so much but I really do think those people are a minority.

    I think that you just have to work on yourself and figure out how to get that better job etc. It is difficult when you are stuck in a rut and I’ve tried very hard myself. I’m also a graduate and I regret going these days. The best advice I have is just try hard to get out of the position your in. But I know from experience it isn’t always easy to do that,

  23. Maybe try asking girls in similar situation out? See a cute grocery worker -> ask her out. Or any other job, like fast food server etc. Stats work against you, as women don’t like dating men who earn less than them, but then again there is plenty of min wage workers and there is no shame in that. You have a job, you’re not a slacker those are good qualities.

  24. Have you considered upgrading jobs?
    You lose out on a potential pool of girls who find that as a turn off. Financial security is huge. Not to put you down. Butttt it’s true.

  25. First of all, you can find a woman who also makes minimum wage too and then you are essentially equals. Don’t be so hard on yourself, there is more to life than money. You’re also very young and you still have a chance to move up the ranks. The first step is having the courage to do so and be willing to face some rejection both with dating and with promotions/job interviews.

    By the way, I’m 28 and also have a “useless” degree, but I went into a field completely 100% different than what I went to school for. I busted my a$$ to get to where I am. I started out in an entry level job as an assistant to an office manager and did everything I could to start slowly moving up the ladder. It did not happen over night. You have to believe in yourself and be willing to get rejected when applying to jobs/promotion positions. Sounds corny, but it’s true, you need to get out of your comfort zone if you are that concerned about making minimum wage. I got rejected so many times and I admit, I almost gave up many times. There were so many nights when I cried and felt down. It was a grind. When you fall down, get the hell back up as quick as you can.

    By the way, kudos to you for even having a job. You’re not slinging drugs or prostituting yourself or doing anything illegal. I commend you for earning an honest living.

  26. The reality is that it’s going to be hard. It seems to me that the problem goes beyond the fact that you make minimum wage. Why haven’t you been able to find a better situation? What’s holding you back? As a woman even more important that money is the drive (I am very driven woman). Find something you are passionate about and go for it.

  27. Woman here- when I was dating I didn’t give a shit how much money a man made. As long as he could cover his expenses that’s all that mattered to me. I think is incredibly gross that some women feel in any way entitled to anyone else’s money.

    Met my hubby when he was in an entry level position, and his funds were tight. It didn’t matter to me. What did was that he was kind, thoughtful, funny, charming and treated me well.

  28. You just have to put yourself out there. If they want to be with you then the money won’t matter. If it did, then they aren’t for you. Besides look at all those prisoners who get women to fall in love. Hell I know some people who are quasi homeless junkies that somehow have women who want to be with them. Making little money just weeds out those who weren’t right for you to begin with. It may seem hard to get dating while broke, but once you get there you can be much more confident in who you are with.

  29. Confidence can come from anywhere, bro. You don’t have to have yours rooted in your net worth. Yeah, you won’t be pulling female doctors and lawyers that are 9s and 10s in the looks department, but I can assure you there are PLENTY of hot women out there that are working the checkout at Home Depot despite their bachelor’s degree in women’s studies.

    Simply being intelligent, charming, or physically attractive can be enough to get their attention. YOU simply have to be confident enough in yourself and they’ll pick up on it. As far as dating goes, there’s just as many hordes of desperate women out there as there are men. My advice, focus on improving yourself and furthering your career. You can always find women to date that aren’t looking for anything serious while you do that, and if you happen to come across one who doesn’t look at you as anything more than a simple booty call or a quick meal-ticket, then all the better.

  30. Honestly, you lower your standards and realize she probably has to as well. Water reaching its own levels. Men don’t really care what women make but women *view this on a very market driven, materialistic way.

    Yes, I know, not every women does

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