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How do you fix that feeling when you see a girl so pretty that it hurts?

Hello everyone. Kind of clear question I hope. What can you do with that feeling when you see a gorgeous girl on the street or in social media that actually makes your heart hurt? You know, that feeling that maybe you will never be enough for a girl like that. Hope someone got to deal with this.

Thanks in advance!

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50 Comments

  1. I’ve said similar things before, but that’s a result of you idealizng beautiful women because you haven’t spent enough time around them to know intuitively that they’re human like everyone else, and everyone else is like 80% assholes or just dull.

    Besides, really think about it, is she *really* that much prettier in the face and body than other women, or is she just better at sexy wardrobe, makeup and hair? Not that there’s anything wrong with sexy presentation, but it helps you to understand that much of your response to women isn’t something innate about them, it’s glamour that they project through skillful cultivation of sex appeal.

    If you can realize all this, then it doesn’t hurt to see and admire them, any more than it hurts to see a beautiful flower in a garden.

  2. It means you need to change. You’re fantasizing too much. Just because someone LOOKS nice, that does;t mean they;re as good a person as they look.

    So..you’re too focused on looks. When you see a beautiful painting of a girl, does it also hurt?

    Train yourself so when you see a beautiful girl, it;s like a beautiful painting of a girl. You admire it, but it doesnt affect you in other ways. You know the image is not the reality.

    And it really isn’t.

  3. Listen bud I’m ganna drop some sound advice and your ganna learn this one way or another so you mine as well get it now.

    For every single beautiful girl you see walking down the street from the girls in magazines to the pretty coffee shop girls there is a guy out there who is tired of her shit. You too can be that guy.

  4. I go with it. Why not?

    It’s not like I’m going to creep on her. I go on with my day. But for the moment, I let it feel good.

    The point of the movie, The Danish Girl, was completely lost on me because every time Alicia Vikander was on screen, I couldn’t blink. It was weird. It’s not even like she has been that stunning in other movies. Sure, she is pretty, but in this movie, wow. I need a super cut of just her scenes, I guess.

  5. Woman here. In regards to including social media in this question….you have got to come to understand that almost everything on social media in regards to appearance is, while maybe not totally fake, extremely exaggerated to the point of being fake. So many people, men and women, use photo shop, angles/posing, clothing, makeup, and everything else under the sun to make themselves look perfect. As a women, I sometimes see these girls that I think you’re talking about on social media as well and think wow, she looks so gorgeous. And in order to remind myself that it isn’t real I have to tell myself “This girl is getting paid to wear the latest clothing styles, being given free clothes, makeup etc. and using the most deceiving angles to present herself in order to grow her followers and sell stuff to make money. All while also being paid to work out and be hot.” In other words, in real life, she looks a normal, attractive person not some perfectly proportioned greek goddess with shining skin and she is basically being paid to be hot online to sell stuff. Stop looking at them as some kind of ideal woman because they are so far from reality. And the same goes for men that are on social media. It sometimes makes my heart hurt when I see these people too, but not in a good way because it only makes you wonder “why don’t i look like that” or “I wish I could date someone like that.” etc etc You have to check yourself when you are looking at these people and their accounts.

    ​

    I don’t mean that there aren’t insanely attractive, normal people in the world. Just that you cannot obsess over the outward appearance that someone is presenting to you. Whether on the street or on social media. If you see a gorgeous girl in public and are obsessing over her…remind yourself she is just a person with her own problems and flaws and that she wakes up looking like everyone…sleep deprived and needing a shower. Seeing someone on the street is basically just another form of real life social media as you are only getting a brief snapshot of that person at one moment in time and the odds are if you are that drawn to them…it’s one of their better days on the appearance scale.

  6. We are all human and we are all equal. I’m sure that gorgeous girl has the same anxieties and worries as the rest of us “mere mortals”. If you remember that, she will become far more approachable and you will treat her as you treat everyone else. Don’t sell yourself short and think that anyone is better than you.

    Honestly, everyone has insecurities.

    And if you do approach this girl and she looks or speaks to you like you are dog-muck on her Jimmy Choos, then at least you know, and you can give her a wide berth because she ain’t worth *your* time.

    Good luck.

  7. You grow up. Literally. That’s it. Your feelings are overwhelming because you just haven’t experienced it enough. Don’t worry, as you get older you’ll stop having those pesky “feelings” that people speak of.

  8. Get to know a few, become jaded, and then start to believe that your laundry basket will have a deeper personality then they ever will – have I mentioned I’m jaded?

    Nah but for real, do what you can to stop idealizing women, normalize being friends with them, and you’ll soon realize that they’re normal, awkward people just like the rest of us.

  9. My experience has been the same. Freezing up, not knowing what to say or do, no way she’d talk to me.

    As my time and confidence has grown, pretty women don’t phase me now, and I’ve learnt one thing really, really fast – they’re just people, they WILL talk to you most of the time, and most importantly; a lot of pretty or hot women are actually incredibly dull and I would absolutely NOT date them. Sure, everyone wants to fuck them, but after that, nah.

  10. “No matter how pretty a woman is, someone, somewhere, is tired of her shit.”

    Words from my dad when I started dating. Has helped me keep it all in perspective since then.

    Edit to say that this was not something said out of meanness. I was asking him about how to approach a girl who I thought was way out of my league. My stepmom pointed out that while he could have turned the phrase a little better this should be true philosophy for girls as well.

  11. So that is called “putting a woman on a pedestal” and it is actually dehumanizing. This is not your fault, society has trained us to put women there to sell stuff.

    So when you only see the good on something you ignore all the flaws, this is just as bad as when young ladies see themselves and ignore all the good things and only see the flaws. Subjectively truth is what we want here not perfection or its opposite.

    Imagine your life if everything you did was viewed the same way. You come to school and they fall in love with how you look not who you are. You tell a joke and it is laughed at not because it was funny or well delivered but because you said it. cooked a meal? you know you added too much salt but they “love it”. Work at a burger joint? “What a great job!” despite that you know they dumped the last partner because they worked at the same place.

    It is all disingenuous. It lacks value. It dehumanized you. What people want is real connection and real open communication. Just like you do with your friends.

    Now I get it, you don’t feel the same with your friends as when you look upon a very pretty girl. It is like the difference between looking into a field and looking over a cliff. You are full of hormones and they are telling you “YES” so hard and so loudly that concentrating is like if they were actually screaming in your ear as you tried to talk to that pretty girl. Try to understand that this is a natural thing that is happening inside your body and that therefore you can control it and over come it. Just like looking into a cliff if you do it enough you stop flinching away.

    So in conclusion, this is hard, you have to get over your own neurochemistry to do it, once you give it a go and fail a few times (which is deviating) you get better at it. Eventually you become the thing you want to be (good with pretty girls) but it takes sacrifice.

  12. You’re putting her on a pedestal based on profile picture/what you see in real life

    As a woman, I know men are visualizers. What they see really drives them wild. But what they don’t know is that a woman, too, comes with a lot of baggage. She could have a nasty personality and a shitty character. You can admire her and find her attractive – no one is stopping you.

    But the moment you start feeling inadequate because she’s **so** pretty, then you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage. Your mind is going “*Oh no pretty woman…I’ll never be able to get someone like her.”* Your goal should be to be able to admire and appreciate a good looking woman, but also rationalize that she comes with ‘flaws’ and personality traits that also aren’t desirable from everyone — and this is not just me trashing an attractive person.

    A lot of people tend to look at a good looking woman and attribute good qualities to her ( I believe that’s the HALO effect – a kind of bias). This can really hamper your relationships with women in the future if you are dating/seeing a woman and she has major red flags but you’d choose to overlook those flags because she’s “*so pretty it hurts!!!!!!!”*

    Like what many other dudes said, understand there’s a few men out there’s who’s tired of her. Humanize her instead of seeing her as a perfect faced gorgeous woman without any annoying qualities to her

  13. Whenever I see someone with a nice car, I always felt inferior. Then, I started seeing that those people are in debt. Same thing with beautiful woman. She could have all the looks, but she could also be a terrible person, or a boring and vain person. So, that helped me get over my fantasizing about every pretty woman I see.

    ​

    I also notice that my value. So, now I can be friends with beautiful and pretty woman without shaming myself by thinking about us together. I can think more rationally and clear-sighted, now that I am no longer thinking with my penis, per se. But, it all depends on your outlook on life. My outlook is I am focusing on my goals, and if a woman that aligns with my values, and is a solid individual along the way, then that’s great. I just don’t want to torment myself, by thinking everyone is a viable partner.

    ​

    Also, this line of thinking is very normal. Just take a breath, maybe try meditation, or running, or something that can help you. I took a break from porn, and realistically put my expectations in order. Looks aren’t everything, man, its inside that counts. I hope you find someone who shares your same values. But, really try to set your value each day, and figure out what kind of individual you are. This will help with clarity.

  14. Met a few like this. Managed to talk to them just enough. They knew I was interested and they weren’t repulsed by the prospect. All 3 had boyfriends or fiance. When I heard the life these men offered these girls I realized that toothless scabbed up meth addicts are my league. I stay single and just enjoy the view.

  15. Wish I had the answer for you. I’m a girl but every time I see a beautiful woman (and there are many) I get a weird pain too. Different than yours because it comes from a different place. It’s knowing that a guy will never feel about me that way.

  16. Time. That’s how I fixed it. I got older and more experienced and the hormones died down. I stopped putting girls on pedestals and seeing them as flawed people no worse or better than men just better looking.

    If you want something more short term, I can’t help you. It’s a personal lesson every man must learn in our own way.

  17. I tell myself “hey dumbass, this is Disney World and she’s French. The fact that you’ve seen her twice today is nothing short of a miracle and for the love of God, quit putting girls you don’t even know on this stupid pedestal”

  18. There is no fixing it. That feeling is one of the things that drives our species. You just get used to it eventually. Especially after you spend enough time around pretty girls and witness them get sick, take massive dumps, have babies, etc.

  19. The issue isn’t the girl, the issue is your self esteem. Gotta find things to be proud of and understand the value of yourself. This normally requires effort, tenacity, and hard work. You got that in you? Only one way to find out.

  20. You lean into it.

    You enjoy living in a world filled with beauty. You appreciate that there isn’t only one woman like that, you don’t let yourself be blinded by one to the point that you don’t notice the others. Take it all in. Bask in their beauty. Understand there is a whole person in there that may or may not be as pretty on the inside as they are on the outside.

    You DO NOT get cynical and full of “never for me” crap. Figure out how to walk among those you think are beautiful, appreciating them but not worshiping them. Then realize they are people like you and some of them get stupid the same way over men.

    At the end of the day we are all people who are trying to make it in the world. If you can appreciate them without being awed or being dismissive, you can deal with them as equals.

  21. Something that helped me was learning that my feelings for their beauty was me falling in love with the idea of that person. It’s my own projection of what I think they are. My ex wife was undeniably beautiful in my eyes when we first met and on through the first year of marriage, however; I’ll refer to her as being “symmetrically compliant” as on the inside I learned too late she’s a very ugly person and you can’t fix that with beauty.

    Find a way to spend time around more women and you’ll learn they’re just like us with their own set of dysfunctions and mental defects passed on by their parents. I haven’t met many truly, deeply, to the core of their being good people. There’s lots of malice and twisted people in this world.

    Dont take that as in you shouldn’t interact with 99% of the populace. On the contrary, interact and learn about them. You’ll find some people kept as an acquaintance are great people, however applied to your inner circle they’ll twist truths beyond white lies for personal gain. Thus we learn to keep some people closer than Others.

  22. First: Avoid social media for anything but direct communication, there is nothing to be gained from it. But maybe I am just too grumpy for that kinda thing.

    To your question: I think what makes it bareable is when you know that you are progressing on a way that would make you feel worthy of someone es beautiful as her. But also realize: she also will put down the makeup and go for a gigantic poop with a cringled up face because too many carbs… or so. What i mean to say: She is a mortal like you and might actually feel more comfortable around someone who considers himself equal so to avoid the fuzz about her looks. So try look beyond that somehow (its hard i know they are too graceful)

  23. I just remember how many times I’ve seen beautiful women and was turned off just after hearing them talk; either with the way or gist. Women are a lot more than looks, even though a portion just have fake beauty aka makeup.

  24. Stop feeding your brain Facebook and insta posts. They cause that idea of those girls being perfect, while youre not.

    No one is perfect, so delete social media and start living. The idea of having a smoking hot girl seems the world, but reality is often disappointing. You’ll value real life experience higher than that plastic shit and you’ll feel great, just push trough!

  25. You remind yourself that she is an imperfect human, that is all. She has her faults and her pluses. She takes a shit every day and screws up like the rest of us. You stop putting women on pedestals.

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