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How do you deal with pressure from SO, society, and loved ones to always be at your best and be “the hero” to those around you?

Just asking because it’s exhausting at times. Makes me won’t to throw everything away, buy a camper, and go live in the desert.

View Reddit by Jackso08View Source


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  1. It is exhausting at times because you become the problem solver for everything, and personally I get frustrated and feel like they stop thinking for themselves. To a degree, it is true. So far as being the answer guy goes though, I see it for what it is and try and coach others to be independent. It is a process but what you are showing is leadership and that is important.

    It is also important to recognize that this doesn’t happen to all men, but it does happen to men and women who are natural leaders. I.e. you have evolved into the role of problem solver/decision maker/direction setter by doing those very things. You’ve now set an expectation and people around you are settling into their natural roles.

    And some people are just uncomfortable in making a decision. The classic “Where do we go to eat?” Question. I realized a long time ago that in certain groups of people they will all pass on the decision like a hot potato, and it is easy to just suggest a place. After that realization, those groups annoy me tremendously, but it is easily rectified by just offering a suggestion.

    So, make the easy decision and problem solutions without much thought. For the more complicated stuff, ask those asking for a solution to do some more research for you and tell you what they learn.

  2. Throw it all away and find your happy place! I live in a camper on top of a mountain. It’s amazing. Family is 2000 miles away and there’s a blue bird making a nest 50 yards away. You’ll thank me later.

  3. Slow down. Who voted you “the hero”? Did they verbally say it or did you just assume the moniker? We often like to be “the hero” when others are just happy to let us take on the role.
    Instead, ask yourself why you’re doing X, Y, and Z and not someone else. You may find others around you are being lazy and taking advantage of your energy, skills, etc. When you find yourself in the middle of doing something you don’t think you should be responsible for, ask yourself how you got there. Next time it happens, ask that person “it would be better if we did it together” or “you should try doing those yourself, I’m sure you’ll be a success!”

  4. Reject it. Demand sovereignty over yourself and your life. The parasites feeding on you will hate you for taking away their host but do you really want the love of parasites? Live only for yourself. Everybody else does.

  5. I don’t deal with pressure from that because its artificial. In those cases I put the pressure on them to take the pressure off because being your best out there will bring outside pressure and pressure bursts pipes. If my pipe bursts then we’re all drowning. If i’m the leader that’s risking a lot to secure everyone, they betta do everything to help take that pressure off. If not I’m out.. No special roles. Support and uplift the mission and there will be little to no pressure. Worst case scenario they can hate you, but you kept your business tight. Oh well they now deserve the pressure from you for not putting up their end of the bargain. Life is all about trade offs

  6. This was my life up until about 4 months ago.

    I have since moved, changed my number, and have left everyone high and dry and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Just focusing on stacking chips now and hopefully moving somewhere cheap and tropical. Time to be the hero in my own life.

  7. The man that knows why something must be done becomes a slave to it.

    I keep people at arms length so i can bail if need be or play a bit of the fool. It is just hard to determine how much you should help someone. i can agree with the family one but society just doesn’t want you to be a dick. as for a SO it is up to your own judgment who you are dating.

  8. I have little outlets that I’ve built in for myself. I took up hiking last year to blow off steam from the earlier days of COVID, I plan on hanging on to the habit this spring/summer because it just feels so amazing.

    I’m not a regular cannabis user like I used to be back in the day, but I’ll bring along a vape pen, backpack full of water and snacks, and my dog and he and I will knock out 12-14 mile hikes and just have an awesome time. I come back home dusty as fuck but completely refreshed.

  9. It can vary from day to day and scenario to scenario. I like being someone people come to with their problems as it makes me feel noticed and appreciated for my leadership. Other times I wish people could just act like independent adults for five minutes. I just make sure to get my alone time to wind down and be in a position where only my cat needs me to scratch her head.

  10. I don’t. My wife expects me to be an adult, and i have the same expectation of her. Know your limits. If you want to be everything to everyone then be my guest, but what tends to happen is you get people that only reach out when they need something. Nah, im good.

    Just concentrate on being a good person.

  11. People who speak of their struggles against societal pressures make me think they haven’t confronted pressure once in their lives.

    If you can’t push past the tyrannical forces of a disapproving frown or a snarky criticism, you need more vertebral fortitude.

  12. I don’t. I am not interest in living my life up to other peoples specific standards.

    I do what I personally think is right and feel I can live with.

  13. I dunno, I’m planning on living for field research and just roughing it in parks and reserves for that reason. Probably won’t even have a house, just set up a sleeping area in my truck and live out of that. People suck.

  14. My advice would be to make sure that the people you are exerting this effort for would be willing to do the same for you in some other way that they are better suited with. If these people would not go out of their way to help you in the way that you are for them, then I would stop.

  15. I stopped giving a fuck about that when I realized that nobody really wants my input, just to be a workhorse to enable someone else’s lifestyle.

    I stopped doing that, too. People think I’m a dick, but I’m much happier

  16. Don’t be a hero. Be a leader. Make it clear to others that they are responsible for themselves. You can offer support, or guidance, when you have expertise or skills, and this should be considered bonus not a given.

    But, their feelings, actions, and consequences of those actions are not your responsibility. If they have a hard time with that, I’ll often resort to the Batman Begins line of “I won’t kill you, but I don’t have to save you” to make my point.

  17. You can try to be. In fact I think we should all try to be. But put it in your head that you want to be the hero and reject the idea that you are doing it for them. When you fail or come short of your expectations, hold yourself accountable while not beating yourself up and strive to be better. Ultimately doubt is good but too much doubt is bad. It’s all about balance.

  18. Choose your battles.

    You don’t have to fight every battle. Weigh them, and if they have no significant effect on you, then forget it.

    If other people pressure you for “not caring enough” then they can suck it. You have your own thing going, and they have to carry their own weight.

    Take it from someone who used to feel like he’s everyone’s “hero” until he got so burnt out. Went through years of depression and feeling useless. Who was there? No one. Nope.

    I learned that I have my own weight to carry, and I don’t have to worry about everyone else’s. Same goes with them. I can empathise, but I don’t have to be the answer to their prayers. They have their own feet.

    See, now I’m more mentally healthy to be realistically helpful to others.

    TL;DR: Teach a kid how to walk, not to be always reliant on you.

  19. Honestly I don’t. I don’t pressure myself so they don’t. Ppl treat you the way you carry yourself. I do me and by doing that I am at my best. Because I’m not trying as much. Of course step up and handle business and do things you should do as a man but don’t feel the need to take over everything or try to “fix” everything. Life teaches hard lessons and everyone in life should learn those lessons. Just speak up if you feel they are pressuring you. If they don’t understand, in so many words and without taking it out of context, make them understand.

  20. Nobody expects that from you. You may have taken on that mantle or assumed they do, but for real these are made up societal obligations that don’t actually exist. People just expect you to be a person. Nobody expects anybody else to be superman.

  21. I make small goals which support my larger goals. I am grateful for my small personal accomplishments (waking up without the snooze, going to the gym, making my bed, doing the dishes etc) which gives me a sense of accomplishment and makes me feel like I’m killing it. It’s not as much pressure when you handle the little things and let all that hero shit work itself out. People can count on me. What more can you ask for?

  22. My SO never puts pressure on me to be my best, I do. I feel zero pressure from society because society does not dictate how I move or what I say. Loved ones know who I am, they let me be me both failures and successes. I don’t try to be a hero at all, I am a human. Real heroes gave their life for something righteous.

  23. I think it’s important to communicate that you need some space and aren’t perfect sometimes. I got dumped because I just could not keep up the standard I had set for myself and it really made me reflect and see that I just wasn’t taking care of myself too. It’s important to prioritize yourself and then help others with what energy you have left. If you communicate that and someone isn’t receptive, well then you know how they actually feel about you vs how they feel about what you can do for them.

  24. I live for me. I don’t expect anything from others, nor they from me. I am always happy to lend a hand for a friend, or an ear if they need to offload, and I know they are there for me, but if there’s the slightest hint of expectations, we have to revisit our boundaries.

    As for societal pressure, it is simply non-existent in my world – I am not beholden to anyone, or any expectations, so why would I care what they think about my choices. The mental freedom is awesome.

  25. I adopted the “I don’t give a fuck” mentality. If I don’t want to do it I won’t do it. People around me keep pushing responsibilities on me that I don’t want.

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