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How do you balance the idea that you shouldn’t run your life on feelings with the idea that people with no empathy are bad?

How do you balance the idea that you shouldn’t run your life on feelings with the idea that people with no empathy are bad?

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12 Comments

  1. How you feel and how you react are two different things. You don’t run your life on feelings because they’re fickle, fleeting, and foolish. But you do take inventory on what is creating that feeling and act accordingly.

    Having empathy for someone doesn’t control your response. Sometimes you can have empathy for someone and it’s not your place to interfere or resolve the issue. I have empathy for my wife’s rocky relationship with her mother and the toll it takes on her. You can bet both cheeks I’m staying way the fuck out of it.

  2. To an extent, you should run your life on feelings. You want to maximize happiness and minimixe grief or what would be the point?

    The job of executive function, that controlled, logical and forward-thinking side of yourself, is to make sure that you don’t wind up chasing immediate and fleeting happiness as the cost of long term gains.

    So….yeah that’s kinda the whole thing. Feelings are a guide and a goal but they need to be harnessed and guided. Suppressing them entirely is the wrong path.

  3. Empathy isn’t an emotion, it’s a response to emotion. One of many, and not always the correct response. You would not for instance want to empathize too much with a meth-head who thinks the government put a tracking device in his head. To do so would be unproductive.

    But having the capacity for empathy, when appropriate, is a desirable trait.

  4. I would say limit your idea of “empathy.” There are times when I can be very empathetic but I can also be very straight to the point and logical come off as uncaring.

    I don’t do it intentionally but sometimes people present me with problems, or issues that I feel can or should be corrected with logic rather than emotions. “If you want to sovle X, you need to do A or B and here is why” or “Do x.”

    There are people who mistake those who’s minds are very logical and locked down to that as being jerks when in reality they thought about your issue and have come to a conclusion.

    So, limit your defination of non-empathic people to those who may have malice or gaslight you based on what you say.

  5. Honestly I just assume every body that I do not know (and most of the ppl I do know) are Inherently bad. Example you leave money on a counter with nobody around and even a good person will take it if they are reasonably sure there will be no reprocussions.

    I try to be the best I can to everybody and treat them fairly but I am always prepared for evdrybody to screw me over

    I know that doesn’t answer your question but it’s the best I’ve got

  6. I try to tell myself that *sometimes* my emotional gut feeling is right. I should learn to trust it more. There are people put there that are incapable of showing or understanding anyone’s views but there own. But those people tend to show their true colors at some point or another.

  7. Feelings like happiness and anger are no more significant than hunger or pain. They are not valuable or important in and of themselves, rather they are old signalling systems telling you something *might* be wrong.

    Do not react to the emotion. Rather, stop and think about why you feel that way. Where is the difference between your expectations and reality that is causing the emotion? Then you either update your model of reality or you identify something that does need fixing and you fix it.

  8. do you really think those without empathy are bad people? Do you imagine that they chose to not be empathetic? or do you think they were born that way? Are there any other types of people who you think are bad people for something they can’t help?

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