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How do you ask/hint at a friend that is at your house to leave without sounding rude?

If your buddy is at your house and is staying too long and you want him to leave so you can do your own thing, how do you ask them to leave?

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50 Comments

  1. Don’t hint. Save the both of you some time and discomfort and just ask him to go. “Man, it’s been great seeing you, but I’ve got some stuff to get to so can we pick this up another time?”

  2. I have a habit of staying until people ask me to leave. A buddy of mine usually just says, “Alright man, we got some stuff we gotta do/I think were going to go to bed. It was great seeing you!” It’s to the point, I don’t find it aggressive, and I promptly see myself out.

  3. Look your friend right in the eye and say “I can’t miss you if you don’t leave.” Don’t break eye contact and if he doesn’t get the hint, start leaning in, like you’re going to kiss him. Hopefully, he’ll break before your lips meet.

  4. I’m from Switzerland, where we talk very indirectly and with a lot of messaging between the lines. Quite similar to East Asian countries such as Japan. In Switzerland, we have a magical word for situations like this: “also”. In Swiss, this word doesn’t mean “as well” like in English but it’s closer to French “alors” or Italian “allora”. The word doesn’t actually have any intrinsic semantic meaning but it could be translated with something like “well” or “well then”. Swiss people say “also” in all kinds of situations and it’s an extremely handy word. If you say it to your guest, maybe accompanied with a polite sigh, they will immediately get up and say something like: “well, I really don’t want to take up any more of your time.”

    Just like in East Asian cultures, politeness is very important in Swiss communication, even if you’re talking to close friends. Thus, the correct response from the host wouldn’t simply be “yes” but more something along the lines of: “No, no! You’re not taking up my time at all! I’m very happy you’re here!” So, you’re basically pretending to wish that your friend would stay longer, although your “also” in the beginning was clearly an subtle hint for him to get up and leave. The funny part about this is that both the host AND the guest know that it’s only pretense. It’s a polite thing you’re expected to say to soften the harshness of kicking out your friend. As a response, your friend would then say: “Oh no, it’s fine, I really need to get some stuff done at home, y’know.” The first part of this sentence is a subtle way of saying “it’s cool buddy, you don’t need to feel bad about throwing me out”. The second part of the sentence aims to shift the blame on yourself, so the host wouldn’t feel so bad. The guest is basically saying “you’re not really kicking me out, I’m kicking out myself because I need to do things at home.” That’s usually not true but it’s also a way of being polite and making the other person feel better.

    So, in essence, both the host and the guest know what’s going on but they pretend to not know what’s going on so the other person wouldn’t be insulted. They also both make sure to blame themselves, so that, again, the other person doesn’t feel bad in any way.

    My wife comes from South Korea. In Korean, there is a word called “nunchi”. It refers to the ability of picking up subtle hints when talking to other people. Both in Korean and in Swiss, possessing nunchi is very important so you don’t make yourself look like an idiot and you don’t verbally punch people in the face by accident.

  5. “Well, dude..it’s time for you to head out.”

    Once, I did this, a friend acknowledged, and then STILL lingered. I walked him to the door. He was like, “…Are you walking me to the door?!”

    And I was like, “Yup. It’s time to go, dude. See you soon!”

  6. I have a friend who will say things like “Don’t feel like you have to hang out” or something similar when the party’s winding down. It perfectly neutral, and doesn’t force a white lie like “I have to go do a thing now” to get out of it.

  7. I usual get “bye [name]” progressively louder and louder when my friend wants me to leave.

    Leaving in a timely fashion is not my strong suit and my real friends know this and we’ve made it a joke.

  8. Hey man I gotta go do xyz. And usually followed up 5 minutes later with it was good seeing you, bye.

    Did it earlier today, my friend was over to help fix my lawnmower and the we shot the shit for about an hour. I wanted to go to the record store today cause it was their first day being able to open.

  9. I stated plainly. Typically if it’s getting late or I’m getting bored I make a big exasperated yawn. And I say it’s the time not the company but I must ask you to go for the evening because I need to go to bed. I got s*** to do tomorrow and so do you.

  10. “Alright man, I gotta kick you out, I need to wind down/run errands/call my mom/make dinner”
    “Wait you’re kicking me out?”
    “Yep you gotta go, we’ll chill next week” and head to the door.

    Always smiling and giggling but actually serious and walk to the door so they follow you.
    If they still throw a fuss.. then maybe they shouldn’t come over again next time? 🙂

  11. In all honesty I could look at any one of my friends and say “I love you, get the fuck out of my house.” and they all would get it. If they’re really your friend, they’ll get it.

  12. In Mexico we put a broom next to the door, it might have had a mystical, magical, explanation, but nowadays its more of a cultural thing, whatever it is, it is said it works

  13. “It’s time for you to fuck off, later man. Beers next weekend?”

    “I gotta grease up the cat, you should probably get movin”

    “I gotta shit. See you later”.

    Insert any other completely absurd reason that doesn’t matter and that both parties know is a lie.

  14. Depends on the person.

    They are smart reasonable adult: “It’s been cool hanging with you, but I have to call an end to this…. Let’s get together/call/etc. again”

    They are a dumb ass who responds to the above negatively, ignores it or is too dense to understand “I don’t have to leave till 10” (had someone say that once, like I was his baby sitter). I make something for myself to eat without offering some to them, make a phone call to my mom asking how all the relatives are doing or start vacuuming the floors.

  15. I used to stress about this and try to hint at it but it never worked. I would end up getting super passive aggressive about it but it would still only work part of the time. I decided to just try being direct and telling people I have other stuff to do or straight up tell them it was time for them to leave lol this works really well and I have yet to see anyone offended. It’s especially good for some of my less socially adept friends. They told me they appreciate knowing when they are overstaying their welcome

  16. I learned actually that it doesn’t really matter. I have this really good friend of mine, but he always used to stay till way too late. Just bring it slowly or just straight up ask them. Everybody got stuff to do and wanting some alone is something completely natural. I mostly just start with “Yo it’s been great, but I got some stuff to do. It’s been great, but I’m going to have to kick you out” it’s as simple as that never had a problem

  17. As somebody who does not always get subtle social cues, I generally appreciate some level of directness. You could simply say that you’re tired and want to go to sleep or that you have some errands to run. It can be a white lie as there is no harm in that.

  18. I’d say next time you invite someone over or let them in, be upfront with your schedule whilst also being appreciative of their company. Then you can easily look at the clock and say it’s time to do that thing. No insult.

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