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how do you apologize for your mistake without making it sound like you’re making excuses when you’re really explaining?

im 20 and shes 19

my s/o asked me if what i would do if one of the girls i used to go out with asked me to find boarding houses. i told her that i wouldnt come and let one of my friends accompany her. because i thought that it was rude of me to just reject her.

my s/o told me why do i still care about her when we’re already dating. i told her that my answer didnt imply that i still cared for her. i made a mistake of telling her that it wasnt 100% honest and true because it seemed like i told her the wrong answer. this was me, uncosciously, trying to make excuses for my answer.

it was an out of the blue question thats why i didnt have enough time to think of a better-thought answer. apparently, having not enough time to answer was a lame excuse.

edit. when i said it wasnt an honest answer. it was me trying to make excuses to save myself from my answer.

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  1. I had to read that 3 times. Your current girl is a psychopath if thats what she took from that hypothetical situation. Shes the type to fake a pregnancy to get you to stay…run

  2. If I understand the situation correctly, you’ve done nothing wrong.

    You don’t need to apologize, and doing so would be unhealthy for your relationships.

  3. You are dating a woman who thinks that if your old gf asked you for help, even in this very small way, you should turn your back on her? You are dating a very vindictive person. I don’t know what your “real” answer would have been, but the answer you gave should not have been a problem.

  4. Your girlfriend is, at the very least, very insecure. Could be worse than that. If you want to make things work you need to acknowledge that insecurity and work with her about what both of you can do to mitigate that.

    Stuff like this is rarely about that one incident, it’s more that it becomes the flashboint for something that was building up for awhile. So…is she unreasonably jealous? Have you done something to make her suspect? Gotta figure that out, figure out what she needs both of you to do to feel more comfortable and then decide if the relationship is worth jumping through those hoops.

    You didn’t fuck up by saying you would be decent to another person and you certainly don’t have to roll over and grovel until she moves on but you DID just find out a major issue in the relationship and your choices are to fix it together or watch it fall apart.

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