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How do i talk to my self conscious girlfriend about taking her clothes off during ohhh after 6 months?

Have you ever dated someone who won’t get naked in front of you?

I’m dating somebody who’s honestly really attractive but she’s self conscious. We’ve been together 6 months and i’ve never seen her naked. We have ohhh, make love etc but she sometimes keeps her underwear on and moves it to the side. Her shirt never comes off, i’ve never seen her bare chest.

How can I help her know it’s important to me? I’m being very patient since I know she’s nervous. For me it makes me feel a little unwanted when she won’t get naked but I do.

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37 Comments

  1. Perhaps you could start by seeing if she would be comfortable undressing more if it were completely dark. If it’s body image issues, that would allow her to be nude without you seeing anything, but it might help her get passed the mental block and make progress

  2. Follow her pace , maybe suggest once in a while to remove only part of her clothes at a time or each time you have sex (just pants , just top or even just accessories , socks etc in the beginning if she keeps them ) , taking it very progressively. Maybe she is self-conscious about on particular part of her body. Regardless, never force her if she doesn’t want that , stay patient and she will open up. You have have been stellar up until now , bro, keep it up.

  3. Women here, but have you ever given or offered her a full body massage? That could be a good intermediate step to help increase intimacy without the pressures of sex or looking sexy.

  4. Would she be up for taking her clothes off in total darkness? Just so you have… “access”, so to speak? If yes, then go ahead. Maybe with time she’ll let you increase the light level. If not, don’t pressure her.

  5. Have you had an open conversation about it? Don’t let her think that you’re pushing her or anything but try to find out the reason. Is there a specific physical feature that she dislikes about herself? Or has she had a terrible experience in the past that relates to her being topless/ completely naked?

  6. My gf was like this at the start of our relationship, she’s gotten much more comfortable though & honestly I think that’s all it comes down to.

    It’s not something that you can rush along & it sounds like you’re being supportive & comforting already, so just give her time.

  7. Girl here! I am sad to say that with my first boyfriend this was me.. he commented on other girls who were a different body shape in front of me so i never wanted him to see my body. He never saw my boobs before i broke up with him because he would rush me or make me feel like i “owed” it to him to be fully nude.

    Back then i wish i had someone as patient as you, because its the patience and compliments that gains the trust. I reckon in a few months she will be comfortable enough to be completely naked (just from my experience).

    Trust me when i say its nothing to do with you being unwanted.

  8. Tell her she’s beautiful in non-sexual settings. Buy her some pretty, lacy tank tops to wear while you’re doing the deed. Dim the lights or turn them off entirely. And above all, don’t force it

  9. I suggest you post this in r/AskWomen. You will likely get some very well informed, enlightened responses, possible even from other women who have had the same body consciousness.

  10. She may have gone through trauma that doesn’t allow her to feel comfortable without a layer on. I am the same. Have a serious talk with her and express that you want her to feel comfortable around you and if you can help her in any way you’re there for her.

    That being said, if she doesn’t want to talk about it or if she says she just doesn’t have interest in being naked with you, that could just be a part of who she is and theres no need to dig deeper for a reason.

    She’s still sleeping with you- that’s vulnerability and it may be hard enough for her. If she is consenting and enjoys having sex with you then it’s not that she doesn’t want you. It isn’t about you, it’s about her.

    It’s not always about being ashamed of what you look like so please, please understand her side before assuming she is just insecure about her body. There may be some deeper trigger issues. And if she is insecure about her body, it is still her right to decide how clothed she is. She let you in, she is with you by choice, and if she doesn’t want to be naked I hope you’d respect that no matter her reason.

    Talk talk talk. Communication is so important.

    (edit: didn’t see what sub I was in so just noting that I’m a woman who dates women)

    Edit(2): thank you for the award!

  11. Everyone is giving great answers with specific things to try. I’ll just echo the sentiment. Just love her every day. When we first met, my now wife didn’t want me to see her naked. She had gotten out of a relationship that made her doubt her beauty. I just loved her everyday. Told her she was beautiful and we could be intimate however she wanted. Now she dances naked in the house. Seeing her so comfortable and beautiful is better than all the sex we’ve had.

  12. Female here. She needs to feel completely safe with you first. Continue to be patient. Pressuring her, even a little, will make her feel NOT safe, and might possibly stall any progress you’ve made.

  13. Patience. I think the more you push her, the more she will retract.

    Just let her enjoy intimacy with you however she can. The more her body learns that sex and touch are pleasurable, the more she will want to do it. Over time, she will gain confidence.

  14. Man I have a lot to say about this. I’ve been with my husband 22 years. I have sex/intimacy issues that we’ve spent years working through. I still don’t have sex during the day and request our room stay dark as much as possible. Contrary to other posts we have pretty amazing sex, and I can get down and dirty but only if the lights are off and I feel I have complete freedom to move and act without being “seen”, it’s complicated. I can say from personal experience, this isn’t about you. At all. And no amount of compliments will help(in-fact it might make her even more self conscious) but keep giving them. Honestly therapy might help her if she was open to it since you’ve stated she’s had some trauma. For now, I suggest working towards getting all clothes off in a dark room if that’s how she’ll be comfortable. Maybe have her keep a shirt on, no bra and work your way towards pushing it up so she’s almost naked. Eventually get to candlelight in a dark room. Keep loving her body as much as she will allow. As others have warned, it could be a very frustrating and long process and it really could be years before she’s ready to let down her guard all the way. But unlike what some others have said, you can still rock each other’s worlds in the dark.

  15. the first time i got naked in front of my boyfriend was in a bubble bath; you feel each other and as the bubbles go away, you’ll even sorta see each other but there is plenty of time to get used to the feeling.

  16. I used to be really, really shy in the bedroom. Not so much insecurity, but being fully undressed made me feel really vulnerable, especially after intimacy was over.

    What I found helped me was when i would pick one piece of clothing to stay on. So say my shirt would stay on, and it could be lifted and stuff but I would never take it off. Or my shirt would come off, but my bra or tank top would stay on. Over time I became more comfortable, but that was a good set of training wheels, so to speak.

  17. Hey man, this is her thing to figure out. The only thing you can do is communicate in clear and simple ways.

    Once you’ve communicated, and she understands, then all you have is patience/time and a choice.

    Hope it works out for you both.

  18. Keep being supportive, patient and non-judgmental. we all have our issues and insecurities. if it comes up, very gently try to see maybe why she feels so insecure about herself. but generally just try to be as supportive as possible.

  19. Just wait, if you make it a “thing”, then she will feel more pressured.

    What you have to actually work on is “For me it makes me feel a little unwanted when she won’t get naked but I do.”

    Because that’s what actually bothering you.

  20. Have you tried talking to her about what exactly makes her feel self conscious? If it’s certain things like how her skin looks or physical aspects you can ask her if she’s willing to take small steps like maybe doing it in dark with her naked, doing it with her naked but you blindfolded, doing it in a low lit room and see how she feels about that. I understand you have to be patient but this can put stress on the relationship if it’s not addressed and if she isn’t able to see herself in a beautiful way the way you see her. Like others said, shower her with compliments which will reassure her and might help her see past her own view of herself. You’re doing great though

  21. This might sound a little unorthodox but maybe convince her to get naked in the dark with you. Have her straddle you and then just touch her everywhere. You essentially will be stimulating her nervous system and making her aware of those body parts. It’s good for body image. Tell her how soft her skin is, how wonderful it feels and how you love her body. All positive statements. Have her do the same to you. This will increase your intimacy as well as help her become comfortable in her own skin.

    At her discretion start adding in a little light. This will be over weeks and not one night. Go slow. As slow as she needs. Slowly increase the light and continue touching her all over and showing your appreciation for her and her body. You already love it and think she is beautiful but you need to help her feel it. Be aware of how you speak about bodies. You don’t have to censor yourself but make sure you are speaking about bodies in a positive way.

    The important thing is that you don’t force her out of her comfort zone. It’s not up to you how fast this happens or even if this happens. Don’t forget it’s her body. You don’t own it. She decided what she is comfortable with. There could be some unknown trauma associated with this and she needs time to work through it. Be supportive, patient and loving. Regardless, you love her so keep loving her whether or not she ever feels comfortable.

    Ps. You are amazing for seeking help with this and not forcing her.

  22. As a woman who has struggled with my own body image, I get it.

    Women face a lot of pressure about their bodies. Men don’t seem to understand the 24/7 bombardment we get about how our bodies should look from everywhere. Literally: EVERYWHERE. From porn that are guys are obsessively watching all the time of usually the hottest girls with perfectly surgically enhanced, waxed, exfoliated, botoxed, flittered, fillers, bleached anus/vagina bodies to women-centric things like Instagram where women are crafting these perfect ‘looking’ image-based lives. Women get smacked with this stuff from both sides. The pressure is off the charts. Especially when you know you don’t have the ‘right’ kind of body that the media has been telling you is the ‘right’ kind of body since you were a little girl. And little girls starting understanding these messages as early as 5-6. It can make you feel ashamed of yourself and like you don’t deserve the things other women who look like the perfect image deserve to have. This is why women spend so much money on this stuff because the messages is always: “you don’t deserve to be loved if you’re not hot enough.”

    So Guys, please, please, please show some empathy here. Everything focuses on women having to look perfect to please men the most. Women are human beings with our own unique concerns and struggles.

    To the OP: Her not wanting to take all her clothes off has absolutely nothing to do with you. I can 100% promise this to you. How many articles of clothing a girl takes off doesn’t take off who is already having sex with you doesn’t correlate to how into a guy she is. It never has and it never will. Infact, it could be the exact opposite – that she likes you so much she doesn’t want to disappoint you so she’s found a way around disappointing you by just not being completely naked. She created her own solution about how she could still be sexual with you while trying to deal with her body insecurities. She’s trying. And maybe her effort isn’t good enough for you but you have to remind yourself that she is trying.

    Look, the truth is only you know what kind of conversation you and her are ready for. Do you guys discuss deep things about your inner lives? Your fears? Dreams? Hopes? Concerns? If you do have that kind of connection than you might want to talk about it. Something like, “I absolutely love our sex life. You are passionate and fun and beautiful. Eventually, I’d like to be able to feel your bare skin against mine. Is that something you would want to do with me?” And see how she responds. You have to talk to her. That’s what a real relationship is about. Ask her how she would feel about it if the room was 100% dark – let her feel comfortable with that idea and then if she’s open to it, then do it in complete darkness for a while. Or ask her if she would feel comfortable if next time you had sex, she could blindfold you and if she would feel comfortable taking her clothes off? Sometimes people need a little help and a little push but if it doesn’t work, you can’t get upset at her. Ask her what YOU can do to make her feel 100% safe with you. Talk to her. She needs to know you’re in her court.

  23. TLDR: make her feel sexy, she’ll be confident enough to be naked

    Girl here: she needs to feel you are attracted to her body so you can compliment her in general more often and ideally when she is at her natural look. Like “oh did I ever tell you I love X” / ” oh you are so hot!!” “So pretty when you wake up!”.

    Only say true things you believe of course and don’t only compliment her when she is super well dressed/ hairs done/ makeup. You can and should just not ONLY then because she’ll think she has to cover up/ make efforts to look good since that the only time you compliment her: less nakedness!

    If she feels sexy and accepted as she is, she’ll feel more comfortable getting naked.

    You can also start slowly with a dimmed light and say she excites you so much you want to see her and feel her naked on you. Then step by step she’ll feel more comfortable being naked with you and the lights can get brighter 😉

    Note if you tend to say comments about women’s bodies (oh look at that fatty/ daamn those boobs/ oh look at her x) that may be a part of it, it makes her compare herself to what she thinks you want.

  24. My spouse’s grandpa and grandma were married 50+ years before the grandma passed away in 2017. Apparently, he had never once seen her naked. So….good luck.

  25. Ever had sex in the complete dark. I’m talking about dark dark where you can’t see one another. Remove the light bulbs. Black out the windows with black garbage bags then black out curtains. Then black out curtain over your door so light doesn’t creep through. Have her test it out to see if it’s dark enough to where you can see each other. Then get naked. You can’t see her she can’t see you. But you both can be naked. And sex is so much better where you can’t see one another and rely on sound and feel.

  26. Girl here! Some people have mentioned darkness but no one has mentioned candlelight yet! Candle light can be so sexy! If it’s safe to do so…

    What about asking if she has a teddy/nightie or bra that she’d really like? I know if my SO bought me a nice little outfit I would want to try it on! When my body dysmorphia was in full effect I could sort of be like “they’re looking at the article of clothing!” And then once we start feeling real good I’d slip out of whatever. GRANTED! Not every lady likes dress up or desires clothing! So! You know her way better than I do, just sharing my thoughts.

    Best of luck! Take it slow and listen to her <3

  27. You need to tell her – in a way she understands it is not just a phrase – that you love her body. Keep the compliments coming during the lovemaking and find a place on her body that is usually covered and ask if you can touch or kiss her bare skin there. Again, compliment her on it. Work slowly, one piece of her body at time.

    Also, the quicker way is to ask her – of course gently, about her past and find out why she has this issue. The moment she is willing to talk about it the moment she will be much more willing to overcome her issue and let you see her.

    There are other ways, like when can be topless in front of you during a massage (you come to the room after she is face-down), but the talking about the issue part is very important and will help the most. Open yourself about your trouble or insecurity first, she will be more willing to open up to you about hers.

  28. My wife is this way.. we’ve been together since 2009. I learned to accept it. There are certain other things that go along with it – the lights have to be off, she doesn’t like her face touched, and she doesn’t like to be grabbed from behind.

    Even after years of counseling when she was younger, she is not able to fully shake the effects of childhood sexual abuse. I accept her the way she is and know it has nothing to do with me.

  29. Be honest. Tell her you think she’s attractive and would like to see more of her. Maybe frame is as “hey, it’d be fun if we could try {act that involves clothes off}. Communication during sex is key; things won’t last if you’re not able to express what you do and don’t like; that goes for her as well.

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