There’s few people in my life. One in particular is on my mind a lot. To the point she is both a powerful force for change and growth and a walking psychological wound.
I care about what she thinks and how much she is or isn’t in my life. More than I should at this point.
I could get into specifics but generalities should be plenty…. I both want to be better or to worthy of her and her disapproval… Or these things she does that make me feel unworthy, judged or criticized eat at me all the time to where I doubt praise and expect rejection. And I am struggling to turn it off and accept what is and be or present.
I fear this will destroy what friendship exists and if I’m not careful the progress I have made, if not me completely at this rate.
Obviously I feel more than a friend, but I think that is secondary to having few or no intimate friendships or relationships if any kind in my life right now and I’m expecting or asking more if her than she’s prepared or willing to give?