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How do I get better at initiating ohhh with my boyfriend?

First, I’m a girl. For some reason that means I became really accustomed to not initiating ohhh, but my boyfriend recently made a comment that I don’t initiate, which clearly means it’s an issue. We both also want to have more ohhh than we already are, but I think he is tired of always getting it going. I don’t really know how to properly initiate ohhh without being overly aggressive about it. Also, it’s happened before where I try (probably poorly), and he isn’t into it, so then I get hurt which makes me less inclined to try. So how do I get better at it and also not taking it personally if he isn’t in the mood?

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38 Comments

  1. Well, I’m sure you’re also not in the mood sometimes and yet he’s still with you, and still initiating it.
    Don’t stress too much, just approach him, kiss him, caress him and etc, figure out what he likes and what he doesn’t. You’ll be fine !

  2. Figuring this out is tricky. Couple things:

    1) Occasional rejection is just straight up part of it. You have to accept that sometimes your partner won’t be in the mood when you are. That’s okay and doesn’t automatically reflect on your desirability.

    2) Details vary by person, some people just asking straight up is enough, some guys want a heavy tease as a signal so they can take the initiative from their if they’re up to it or maybe play oblivious if they’re not and a decent chunk will want you to initiate physically. That last one could be things like just starting a kiss, letting your hands wander a bit when you’re cuddling on the couch, whatever. You can experiment, talk to them or (my suggestion) both to figure out what works for your guy. A lot of people think and act a bit differently on this or just haven’t experienced certain options so it’s good to push boundaries a little bit as long as you communicate openly enough that either can say no or slow down at any point and have it respected without resentment.

  3. My girl always purposely starts throwing that ass to get my attention. Try that. Or if y’all laying in bed cuddling rub his chest kiss him and work your way down you know what I mean? Get frisky, reach down and choke that chicken.

  4. Take off your shoes. Put on something comfortable. Grab a pen aggressively. Walk up to the kitchen table. Pull out some fancy paper from the bottom drawer/top cupboard, making sure he can see you doing so. Lick the tip of the pen. Write him a letter formally requesting sex. Put the letter in an envelope, licking the flap seductively. Go to the post office (in a sexy walk). Put a stamp on that shit like it owes you money. Post it to him and wait like 7 days to see what he responds with. Boom – sex.

  5. Sounds like mostly communication. I definitely understand that it hurts when you make the effort and he’s not in the mood – feels like he’s asking for something and then rejecting you when you do it (which, unless he’s an ass, is not the case).

    Sex has a lot of emotion attached to it when it’s between a couple. So there’s a bunch of reasons any given initiation might not work for him, and I bet almost none of them have to do with how you initiated. So don’t feel like you’re not doing it right, that’s just part of sex; sometimes everything lines up, sometimes it doesn’t.

    As for succesful initiation, definitely ask him what some of his exciting turn ons are. Maybe you have a specific piece of lingerie that really gets him going, or he finds it really attractive when you do something a certain way. You can also take some general steps; as a rule, most people are much more receptive when they are relaxed and happy, so maybe a quick should rub or a beer before you make your move.

    Spontaneous, passionate sex can be kind of a rarity, especially after you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a little while. It can still happen, but more often than not, making things line up takes some effort on one or both ends. But you’re obviously willing to make that effort, which is awesome. Just talk about what works for each of you, and you’ll be horizontal tangoing just fine.

  6. (Disclaimer, I’m not a man) What’s wrong with being aggressive? Why try to be coy about it? My husband appreciates my characteristic lack of subtlety, when we’re both home and have nothing to do for a while I just say, “hey would you like some sex?” No need for misunderstandings or missed signals.

  7. Well, at least when I initoate with my girlfriend, just start getting a little touchy, then start kissing and basically escalate from there. Feels awkward to talk in the middle of making out, but I usually slow down then stop to ask if she’d like to go further. If not, that’s OK, just try not to take it personally and just respect the boundary.

    One thing me and mine just started doing too is tapping. If we don’t want to say anything, one of us will double tap with our finger on our head or arm or something and then, in response, single tap for no or double tap for yes.

  8. He may not so much be tired of initiating it, but if he never did it…might you feel he doesn’t want you that way? If you’re never asking for something, might it be interpreted you don’t want it?

    ​

    At minimum, you really can just say “Wanna go to bed early and not sleep?” or something kinda obvious. Or really just start stroking his penis (inside or outside his clothes is fine). We also don’t always want to have sex just like women do. Could be tired, in a bad mood, stressed…whatever. Just not in the mood.

    If you get used to it you can work up to stuff like finding lingerie and doing a striptease to surprise him. But there’s no *need* for that…the earlier tips are just fine.

  9. Men are easy and turned on by what we see. Skimpy underwear, full on nudity. It sounds rude but just drop your pants and show him the goods. I wish my wife would do that every now and then. Just check out the “drop the towel” challenge that women do to men. It works.

    Also don’t be afraid to experiment, keeps things fresh

    Have fun!!!

  10. Rejection hurts. No matter who is rejecting whom.
    First time I shot down my Wife (it was crass and unexpected – I was nowhere near sexy time mood) she about had a life crisis. She’d never been rejected before. So she went back to not initiating because her first overt attempt backfired. That took some discussion to get her injured self-worth salved. That devastating feeling erodes significantly once you’ve been rejected about a thousand times by the way. You just need to find a way to separate the emotion from the logic in your head. Ever not been in the mood and turned him down? Was it because of him or because you were caught up in work/drama/not feeling well/whatever? Many if not most reasons to turn down sex have little to do with the partner being rejected. Presuming a healthy relationship of course.

    I’m somewhat oblivious to subtle signals so she has to be fairly obvious about wanting to get laid, but she starts the process well before it’s go time. So throughout the day/evening she might make comments, get more handsy. If she is generally interested in sexy times but not actively pursuing it, she will go to bed naked or wearing a shirt and no panties. Sometimes she will draw extra attention to that fact. But no hurt feelings if I’m not up for it.

    We briefly discussed getting a set of “love stoplights” and it seemed like it might work but we don’t need them anymore. Basically each partner has a light and sets the color to correspond with their mood. Green – go time!, Yellow – don’t need it, but sure. , red – not happening.

  11. Go to your boyfriend and say these magic words:
    “I want dick. Give me dick.” while you unbutton his pants.
    If he stops you then I would suggest stopping and talking about it. If he doesn’t stop you and just smiles, just keep going.

  12. It’s all about context and the mood! What time of day is it? Does he seem to have lots of energy to spare? What kind of stuff do you wanna do at the moment? Maybe if he’s tired, just go for some light cuddles, or if y’all are watching a movie or something, cuddle and caress him until something comes up~

    Maybe y’all can talk about stuff too — what do y’all like about each other? How was y’all’s day? Just a good conversation to get things rolling; you can start holding his hands and face while you talk to him, and slowly but surely, y’all will get closer and closer..

    Once again it’s all about context. What do y’all like to do? Does he like surprises? As long as there’s good communication and genuine interest and care, y’all should be able to get it over this bump in the road together!

  13. You need to figure out what turns both of you on. Figure out what would get you both into it because everyone is different. A lot of the advice given is good but also worthless if your bf isn’t into that stuff. You need to ask him and not us what gets him going.

  14. Step by step.

    3 examples for couples.

    First of all tesaing and foreplay are the keywords.

    1) e.g. If you lay on the couch or in bed, cuddle with him and start to subtile rub his back, or arm and solowly move to his lap and than to his best part. After a view minutes go under his shorts and know what to do from there on… Than you are alredy in the foreplay, whitch leads to sex. (for further explination comment)

    2) kissing his neck is also pretty teasing, than continue wit soly rubing parts of him …

    3) ask him to shower together and whash/rub him. Touch his genitals and you are alredy in the forplay again.

  15. Just start blowing him while youre watching a movie or something, walk into the room naked or with lingerie or something, get on his lap, once you start giving his dick stimulation the snowball gets a rolling and its destined toward a happy ending.

  16. Wear something sexy? I seriously hate this question from woman, if he was constantly rejecting your offer for sex I could understand. But how often do guys turn down sex from their s.o.

    Say “wanna have sex?”

  17. How are you guys with physical contact in general?

    Sex isn’t really supposed to be some kind of planned event, IMO.

    You just start touching and making out. Then clothes come off. Peepee hard, veevee wet. It’s not complicated.

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