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How do I find my motivation to get out of bed every day?

Recently I’ve been stuck in a rut and have lost almost all motivation to keep going. Stuff from my past keeps popping up and it has been reminding me that alot of stuff doesn’t work out for me, seemingly no matter what I do and it’s taking a heavy toll. Not looking for pity I just need advice. I’m 20 but have nothing going for me. What do I do?

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  1. I’m 20 too. Well there’s not much we can do for what happened in the past, we can only work with what we got in the present.

    There’s no need for a competition with anyone, so don’t feel pressured because of other’s achievements. Take your time deciding, also if its time you enjoy wasting, then its not really wasted time.

    Wish you the best.

  2. I’m 23, I still live at home, and I feel similar about the rut thing. My first gf broke up with me coming up to 4 years ago and I’m still not over it, I don’t keep in contact with many of my friends anymore and I’m only just getting around to joining new communities etc, so I don’t even know if I fit in or like them.

    I’m not operating under some optimistic conjecture that things will get better, but I know that if I don’t put in the effort that nothing will change. I have to get up, put my best foot forward and make some kind of change. Any change is better than stagnating.

    I guess you could call it spite, towards myself mostly, but partially, it’s towards a person that I don’t want to be anymore. I don’t want to hate myself, or wallow in self pity, or self loathing. I want to be able to say “I’m glad I was alive today” at least one time and mean it. I’m living for that day.

    Sorry for the preamble to a disappointing conclusion, but I don’t know what should motivate you. I don’t know what gives you excitement, or joy, or meaning to your life. I don’t think life has value inherently, I think that it’s in dying that you can ascribe value to life, based on contributions to society. That’s why we still celebrate certain dead people.

    Do something you think is worthy of your time. Staying in bed all day isn’t worth mine, so I don’t.

  3. When I was in college, nearly 20 years ago, I had this unrequited thing for a woman. She led me on until I eventually cut her off. Every few years since, she would reach out, even as recently as 4 years ago s

    I just block her and move on.

    Well, along with the shitshow that’s been year, I’m also in the part of the US that was affected by fires, in addition to quarantine.

    I ordered a respirator and filters online. It arrived in packaging from the company that this woman from college used to work for.

    So here I am, stuck in my apartment, in a rut, with reminders of my past popping up. At 37.

    > I’m 20 but have nothing going for me. What do I do?

    You understand that shit like this happens in life, and you keep living it. Plenty of amazing and shitty things are going to happen to you as you continue to live. Just roll with it.

  4. As much as the motivation to stay in bed and/or locked in your all day is, it always helped me to ask myself what about my life is actually *improved* by me doing so. Does any part of my life that’s weighing me down actually get better by me not doing anything? Chances are that nope, nothing gets better, but staying in bed all day probably does make things a little worse.

  5. What gets me through when I’m feeling this way is “I have shit to do that needs taking care of, nobody is going to do it for me, I have people that look up to me in some way, shape, or form and I refuse to let them down as well. Alright self suck it up, the pain will fade once I start moving so get in the shower and get moving ” I tell myself this just about every day. I find harsh truths are easier to motivate myself.

  6. Mindset and mindfulness.

    I’m not about to tell you that problems exist only in your mind because that factually is not true. Shit happens that is out of your control. Events, other people, god damn pandemics. All that stuff is outside of you, external.

    What you can learn to control is the internal. You can never truly control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. This is easier said than done, and something I find myself working on every day.

    When something happens to you, examine how it makes you feel. The famous stoic example is that of a favourite cup breaking. There is no reason to lose your mind, as part of the nature of the cup is that it can break. If you get very very upset about it, it is because you had inaccurate expectations about the cup, namely that it would never break.

    The same can be said of road rage due to traffic. Part of the nature of driving is other people on the road making poor decisions, or just existing. Getting angry about it is like getting angry because the sun is yellow, or that the wind is blowing.

    Stoicism in general has gotten a bad rap due to, imo, misunderstanding what it is. It isn’t being emotionless, or not feeling things, it’s about not getting carried away by your emotions in an unhealthy way.

    Hope this helps.

    > At dawn of day, when you don’t want to wake up, have this thought ready: ‘I am called to man’s labour; why then do I make a difficulty if I am going out to do what I was born to do and what I was brought into the world for? Is it for this that I am fashioned, to lie in bedclothes and keep myself warm?’

  7. Here’s bits from a conversation I had last night with a friend talking about how I’ve gotten out of depression so far:

    It know it seems stupid but forcing myself out of the routine I had helped a lot like one day you clean windows, next day carpet, then furnitures, then make bed. One thing a day or even 1 thing every 2 days at first then one day you’ll feel like you still could do more. Small victories are very important.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t set yourself precise objectives with deadlines. Just try to be better, it doesn’t matter by how much.


    I remember how unbelievable it seemed to not see dark things everywhere but it’s possible. The brain is just playing tricks. You have in you, you intimately know what is right and what is wrong. The hardest part is to tell your brain to shut up about negative thoughts when they come and do what is right otherwise you come back to the weirdly comforting self-deprecating routine.

    I admit I lost trust in myself, in my mind but I realized it that I was doing objectively good and I started seeing that good myself instead of always seeing darkness about everything.


    I really do know how waiting for the end everyday felt and now I don’t want to ever go back to that place again and how it seemed unbelievable to find an exit to that downwards spiral but it is possible. I know how depression makes you want to shut everyone up that tries to get you out of it like “well if they did get out of it they weren’t really bad”, please trust me your brain is just playing tricks and I know you know it too.

  8. Here’s my simple answer: Make a list of stuff you need to get done and get fully dressed every morning.

    First thing: Getting dressed. When we are in clothes not suited for the lazy, we are less lazy. Wearing shoes is like a trigger to let us start the day. Staying in PJs all day means we’re ready for bed from minute one. If you do need to work, make sure you stay in some type of “outside” clothes, to make sure you stay in this mode.

    Second thing: Make a list

    My list includes:

    Air in my bike tires
    Repairing my desktop computer
    Finishing the Lego set
    Pick up 10 pieces of dog crap in the backyard
    Answer that email from work
    Write in blog
    Work out
    Meal plan for next week
    Grocery list the meal plan
    Probably clean out fridge

    My digital list is for stuff for me to do. It’s a catch all of important things and stuff to do when I get bored. It’s quick fixes and long term projects. But it tricks my brain into feeling like I was productive. It reminds me that when I’m bored, or can’t find something on Netflix, I have a whole list of things I should be doing anyway, and I can typically get some of it done. As the list gets shorter, its easier to manage, and you can continue to work on it.

    Now, as I said, this answer is simplistic. Finding motivation is difficult, and motivation is fleeting. Try to rely more on discipline. Start the process, trudge through it, and make it easy. If you are just trying to find ways to show positive-ness in your life, make this list and work on the list.

  9. Motivation isn’t shit.

    It comes, and it goes.

    You get out of bed everyday because you are a man and it is time to get out of bed.

    >Stuff from my past keeps popping up and it has been reminding me that alot of stuff doesn’t work out for me

    Perseverance is key. Who gives a shit about yesterday, that was yesterday’s problem.

    You aren’t the same guy you were then, you have learned since then.

    Failure is a lesson.

    Today is your problem, so you get your ass up and get your shit taken care of.

    I mean this. I hate that people have become motivation junkies.

    Do what you need to do because it needs doing. No one else is going to do that shit for you.

  10. You need to make your bed.

    Start your day off with making your bed. So you start your day off with an accomplishment.
    Then you build on that. Get your next accomplishment. Keep it up.
    Or maybe you have a terrible day.

    Well at least your bed is made when you get home and get to start over the next day.

  11. You may have something going for you, but you’re too close to see it. I would write some simple goals down of what type of life you want to be living in five years. Then start taking steps towards them. I know it’s probably overstated, but this can help you get out of a rut. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

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