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How can nice guys avoid being timid, uncomfortable, and bland?

I’ve asked some of my friends and acquaintances for feedback.

They all said I’m nice, have a great smile etc.

But the words “timid”, “uncomfortable”, and “bland” came up over and over again (ouch).

Do you think I’m correct in guessing that these adjectives are basically synonyms for low confidence?

I’d like to retain my niceness and trustworthiness, but I’d also like to boost my “fire”, so to speak.

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I’m considering taking martial arts classes. It seems like the right mix of nerdiness and adrenaline.

Do you have any other suggestions?

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25 Comments

  1. Find someone who doesn’t think you’re “Timid, uncomfortable and bland”.

    If people call you out on this, it means they’re not enjoying spending their time with you when you are being “you”.

    Be yourself, wether you’re nice or an asshole, I guarantee you will find someone who appreciates you without saying you’re “timid, uncomfortable and bland”.

  2. You can be nice while still putting yourself out there (not being uncomfortable/timid).

    Being bland means boring and uninteresting. It has nothing to do with niceness.

    You’ve got some work to do on yourself.

  3. Depends what they mean. Internet nice guys are manipulative men thinking basic decency should get them sex. Real nice people just treat others well without reason except for it being the right thing to do. Real niceness has nothing to do with other character traits. I treat other people as well as I can and have the manners from growing up in military barracks. Anything else wasn’t acceptable. But I’m also a jokester and can be engaging in discussions when I’m even remotely interested. I’m not agreeable and timid if I’m passionate about the subject. So this is a personal you thing not something that comes with being nice.

  4. Being nice doesn’t cause any of those other behaviors you mentioned. If you are bland, uncomfortable and timid, I assure you it’s got nothing to do with your niceness.

    Get more social practice, and learn about interesting things so you have interesting things to talk about.

  5. It’s all about confidence, and the only way to achieve it is taking risks, try to expose yourself to situations where you are forced to meet people, ask a girl out, be rejected and learn how to deal with it and don’t care, I tell tou this a an extremely shy guy who had to learn in a hard way

  6. people think you’re timid, but maybe the reality is that you really aren’t interested in anyone else and don’t take pride in anything you do

    you’re not “boring” you just have friends that don’t understand you. they kind of just got there somehow. they aren’t really your friends.

    they probably make fun of you behind your back and laugh at you for trying to better yourself.

    just go out and achieve things that are important to you. it will force you to develop a personality. you probably keep thinking once you finish one thing, it will stop.

    it does not.

  7. Don’t confuse the word nice with kind. It is great to be a kind man, but it is weak to be nice. This is just my opinion, but nice implies being fake to seek approval. Kindness is genuine. Nice guys tend to not stick up for themselves. This is a generalization, but women like men that are kind but also firm with their convictions and not afraid to stand up for themselves.

    I recommend watching some Jordan Peterson videos on the subject of nice guys.

  8. You want confidence, whatever they say to you, forget it. Be proud of who you are, confidence doesn’t come from working out or martial arts. It the self affirmation of yourself, it helps walking with a nice stride with your head held up and with a content face. You do martial arts because you want to hone yourself and learn a skill, remember when do something that benefits you, its for you and not to impress others. It feels good to get others to notice and praise you, but remember to praise yourself first when you feel like you deserve it.

  9. You’re one of those overly self conscious ones, aren’t you? Dude. Get out of your head. And I mean that compassionately. You’re the only one in there, while everyone else is outside minding their own business.

    Go insert and assert yourself out there. Do some martial arts. Be nerdy. Be friendly. Pee in the center of the friggin toilet. Without thinking about nothing, just go do it!

  10. There are a lot of useful, science based approaches you can take – I would get a subscription to Audible audiobooks and check out stuff like Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards as an example. Many books on how to improve your interactions with others.

    Awkwardness likely comes from lack of a plan/confidence on how to engage with others

  11. Yeah kinda sounds like low self confidence and low self esteem. I think you should give the martial arts a go, that would be a great step in the right direction of getting out of your comfort zone. Then save up for a trip to a country you’ve always wanted to visit. Do it solo don’t worry about finding a travel buddy. Start lifting some weights, start saying hi and talking to anyone and everyone. Experiencing new and interesting stuff will make you less bland, forcing yourself into social situations and exercising can help with the timid/awkwardness.

  12. the way ive built up my confidence is by talking to random people daily. being a cashier has helped me alot, but before that i used to just walk up to random people wherever I was and started up convos. gym, store, etc. once u get used to talking to anyone at anytime, talking to girls becomes exponentially eaasier

  13. Learn to talk better. Read more books and expand your vocabulary. Listen to podcasts and learn timing. Practice active listening so you can respond better.

    In my experience, seeming “bland” or “uncomfortable” has the most to do with being incapable of expressing yourself. Not confidence, not charisma, literally the ability to speak in a meaningful way.

    For example, “this is wonderful!” is way more impactful than “I really like this!” Saying you like something means basically nothing, whereas saying it’s wonderful denotes intensity.

  14. Being nice does not equal being a floormat for people to step on. I just treat people the way I want to be treated. If you’re thinking you’re going to be the “nice guy” for dating girls though I have newa for you: you’re actually a huge creep and not a nice guy.

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